Friday, November 10, 2017

Craigslist ad: Russian submarine for sale in Hobby Airport plywood pool...

http://www.khou.com/news/weird/craigslist-ad-russian-submarine-for-sale-in-lake-conroe/490735577

CraigsList Christmas shoppers in the Hobby Airport Bath House District were astounded this morning to find their own "Russian connection" in their own neighborhood plywood pool...Already accustomed to tales of the famous Braniff Street attraction such as the perpetual coating of leaves, twigs and empty Corona Extra cans washing down into it from the roof of the mansion adjacent to the pool, residents could hardly believe their eyes when the advertisement appeared this morning in the "Water Toys" category of the popular CraigsList website...Touted as the "perfect accessory for the well-to-do poofter playboy," potential customers began ringing the doorbell of the mansion (which also houses the Braniff Street Piano Roll Museum) before dawn...

The owner, who appeared at the door in his nightshirt but without his nightpants, waved his double-barreled Ballard shotgun wanting to know what the commotion was about...This naturally triggered calls to the Hobby Airport Poofter Police, who responded with trained hostage negotiator, Deputy Dumpy Bunny, who immediately cordoned off the entire block...This prompted a protest from the towel boys just ending their shift at the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium next door to the mansion...Their union representative, identified only as "Lefty," said:

"Hey, we need to get to the Taco Bell across the street for breakfast before these two-for-one coupons we got in our tip jars expire"...

Deputy Dumpy Bunny, a midget lesbian known for her strict interpretations of the law, defused the situation by threatening to initiate a warrant sweep in the bath house, causing the protesting towel boys to withdraw and bolt the door of the popular establishment...The deputy then turned her attention back to the irate mansion owner, whose long-suffering daughter had now appeared at the door...She explained that the ad had probably been placed as a prank by a visiting Apache Junction building inspector, FredK, who became upset when she slammed the door in his face after he began flirting with her...She explained:

"I'm one of the only two straight women that live in this neighborhood, and it's bad enough to get hit on by all the lesbians...Then this old fool starts asking me to come see his model train layout..."

The former beauty queen, who now teaches remedial English at the Hobby Airport Reform School & Juvenile Detention Center, assured Deputy Dumpy Bunny she would call the VA Clinic to get her father's medications adjusted to calm him down, and said not to worry about his shotgun because she had taken the firing pins out many years ago...The deputy then stated she would interrogate FredK herself and collect any evidence and necessary bribes before filing her report...

Shown below is part of a diorama from the realistic Lake Powell section of FredK's model train display in Apache Junction, Arizona...







Saturday, November 4, 2017

Hobby Airport's Full Beaver Moon to Shine Bright at Bath House......

https://www.space.com/38663-full-moon-november-2017-shines-overnight.html

Dr. Lefty of the Lesbian Propulsion Laboratory has announced a special viewing of the rare astronomical event, a Full Beaver Moon, tonight through a special observatory hole in the towel boys' locker room at the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium...Speaking at a hastily organized press conference at the Braniff Street Taco Bell, which Dr. Lefty frequents for lunch on 2-For-One-Tuesdays, he explained that the phenomenon ordinarily does not occur in nature, but certain events have coincided to make it possible...

He said lesbian nude yoga instructor, Mazola McLeglock, usually conducts her weekly advanced class for her lesbian clients the day before the wall of mirrors in her classroom is cleaned of the fish fillet and steam residue produced by her overweight clientele when they use her classroom as a cafeteria for their lunch meetings of Long John Silver's "Barrel O' Cod" specials which are trucked in for their Weight Watchers meetings...These nude dining opportunities understandably release fish-breath and steam emissions which collect on the mirrors...This causes Dr' Lefty and his lab assistants to be able only to view the "moon" side of the exercise classes through the hole drilled from the towel boys' locker room, since their views of the "beaver" sides are obscured by the foggy mirrors...

However, this week an impending janitors strike caused the HABH&PE housekeeping management to have the weekly mirror cleaning scheduled a day early, permitting a full view of both moons and beavers until the observation holes are eclipsed by the roving patrols of midget lesbian security guard, Deputy Dumpy Bunny...Dr. Lefty suggests early arrival for the limited seating provided for this rare event...He also says a surcharge of 25 cents has been added to his normal ticket prices due to the expected high demands for choice viewing spots...Season ticket holders are exempt from the additional charge, but a generous tip is suggested...

Pictured below is senior lesbian housekeeper, Emma Staredown, on duty during a normal mirror scrubbing day...



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Thursday, October 26, 2017

Lefty cleared as suspect in JFK conspiracy theory...

https://www.archives.gov/press/press-releases/nr18-05

Conspiracy theorists, such as the elderly proprietor of the Braniff Street Piano Roll Museum in the Hobby Airport Bath House District, have long claimed a connection between the "grassy knoll" in Dallas where DNA analysis a few years ago showed traces of familial ties between Lefty and a wad of Dubble Bubble chewing gum found by investigators decades after the tragic assassination...Conspiracy fans have long pointed to the gum wad as prima facie evidence of Lefty's participation in the plot because of the partial fingerprint left on the wrapper in which it was wrapped...The print is a 23% match to Lefty's prints (which are on file with law enforcement departments world-wide), but Lefty has always contended the wrapper was a plant...

President Trump's release of the JFK files from the National Archives was expected by the conspiracy theorists to prove Lefty's connection, but instead have cleared him of at least this one crime...The files contained several sealed family court files in which Lefty was named as the biological father of a number of now 53 year old men and women, all of which bear a striking resemblance to Lefty, including his trademark mullet hairstyle...Lefty however always claimed he was being held in juvenile detention on the day of their supposed conception...

Now the unsealed files have proven beyond doubt that Lefty was telling the truth for once...Police records found in the files indicate that Lefty's fifth grade biology teacher, Ms. Knuckler, was arrested along with Lefty in the overgrown "grassy knoll" on November 21, 1963, where they both claimed the then 19 year old Lefty was trying to earn extra credit in order to pass his mid-term exams...Both were held in the Dallas County Jail overnight, and due to a shortage of empty cell space, they were incarcerated in the same cell as a number of lesbian prostitutes who had been picked up in a warrant sweep...Genealogists have now used the DNA sample from the bubble gum, comparing it to the samples furnished in the paternity suit files, and found the mitochondrial evidence to be a close match to the children mentioned in the lawsuits, each of which was born at varying times beginning 9 months and 10 minutes after Lefty was placed in the cell with their mothers...

This apparently settles the theories offered by those wishing to connect Lefty to the motorcade assassination, except the piano roll museum owner who has always pointed to Lefty whenever any crime is reported...Even the new evidence showing that none of Lefty's fingerprints were ever found in the Schoolbook Depository Building because Lefty has never opened a schoolbook, has failed to satisfy the elderly recluse...In an interview conducted at his Braniff Street mansion, the former CIA pilot shouted, "I know the SOB is guilty of something, and I can prove it!...Now get off my porch before I fetch my double-barreled Ballard shotgun!"...

Shown below are the contents of Lefty's pockets confiscated from him on November 21, 1963 in Dallas...




Sunday, March 26, 2017

Of Further Service...

Truckman's self-imposed absence here has led to angst and consternation among those readers who find it difficult to navigate life's pathways without the guiding light of Truckman showing the way...They need fear not as Truckman will resume his duty to humankind shortly...In the meantime, while converting his digitally produced wisdom to the printed page, Truckman has also composed a lexicon of terms used here which may be unfamiliar to some readers...

Being the magnanimous publisher that he is, Truckman has published it here also as another added benefit to his readership...Ignoring the profound advice given by WC Fields to "never smarten up a chump," Truckman instead feels that anything that increases the sum total of man's knowledge also benefits mankind...This newly published glossary can be found by clicking the "Glossary" button found under the main heading banner on any page of this blog...

You're welcome...

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Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Naked man jumping on cars along busy Florida highway...



http://www.roanoke.com/news/nation/wire/police-naked-man-jumping-on-cars-along-busy-florida-highway/article_8c407204-fa8e-5abf-8a5c-ad897e05ec52.html

Florida state prosecutors are considering charges against an elderly man who disrupted traffic along a heavily traveled stretch of highway in Florida's beach community...Identified only as "Saggy," it is unknown at this time whether this is his given name or an alias tagged by crime reporters...

Under questioning (from a safe distance by reluctant investigators) Saggy claimed to be a member of the Boca Raton Senior Nudist Coffee Club, saying he was late for a meeting of the planning committee for the "Happy Nude Year" party sponsored by his organization, and was trying to take advantage of prevailing winds by "car surfing" because he was expected to cast the deciding vote on the party theme...

Explaining further he said, "With all my loose skin, I can catch a tailwind on top of a minivan, and get even better mileage than a Nissan Versa Hybrid like some of those sissy poofters drive"...Enlisting the services of well-known senior rights lobbyist, Mr. C.N. Spitt, Esq., who was conducting his weekly inspection of facilities for housing intoxication violators, Saggy is expected to contest any charges filed...Prosecutors are said to be stymied as no state attorney as yet is willing to come near the case, or Saggy...


In a last ditch effort to gain favorable headlines for posterity, President Obama admitted he has directed the Federal Justice Department to consider whether to take over the case, but can't decide which issue to support...In a press release from the tee box at Burning Hills Golf Club, he said, "We could take an activist side for gay rights as well as alternative wind energy, but the public safety and animal endangerment issue from frightened indigenous Florida wildlife which witnessed the scene must be considered"...

Shown below in an undated file photo, Saggy is seen submitting to a strip search just before entering the clothing optional area of the Boca Raton Beach in his position as sand crab population monitor...


Thursday, July 21, 2016

CNN Exclusive: Pope held threesome with same-sex couple in U.S...

http://www.cnn.com/2015/10/02/us/pope-gay-washington/

Having recently been elevated to Pope of the Temple of Our Lady of Diminished Virginity, Pope Lefty (formerly Father Lefty) held a private audience with a same sex couple, and blessed their union with a three-way ritual in his private rectory...As is his custom, Pope Lefty recorded the event as he glorified the joining of the two lesbian women by anointing their faces...

Giving the brides away were their mentors from the local chapter of Dykes On Bikes, both dressed in formal leather and chain ensembles matching the flower girl who preceded the happy couple with a much needed aerosol can of Febreze air freshener in Fresh Fall Pumpkin scent...

The ceremony was momentarily delayed as the ring bearer from the Strike It Rich Pawn Shop & Payday Loan Store demanded the final payment on the matching ring set before releasing the items...Pope Lefty passed his papal headgear among the faithful attendees, and gathered enough donations (less his customary tithe) to allow the hallowed rites to continue...

For the devout parishioners who missed the live streaming on pay-per-view, Monsignor RHM will have copies of the ceremony, plus bonus scenes from the honeymoon on DVD and VHS available for a small donation in the Temple Gift Shop located in his male lingerie boutique in the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium...Shown below is the happy couple posing for pictures in their wedding gown...


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Thursday, July 14, 2016

FOOFA President Seepy Bladder stuns poofter world, saying he will resign...

http://www.latimes.com/sports/sportsnow/la-sp-sepp-blatter-to-resign-20150602-story.html

The poofter sports world met surprise today as their governing body, FOOFA, announced the resignation of its recently re-elected president, Seepy Bladder, in the face of of a new corruption investigation...INTERPOOF, the gay crimes investigative agency, has assigned Inspector Lefty to the case, and he says he will get to the bottom of it if he has to question every lesbian stripper in the area...twice...

After beginning his investigation with his usual canvassing of topless bars in the Hobby Airport vicinity, Inspector Lefty widened his search area by interviewing the coach of the lesbian Olympic team, Mazola McLeglock, who was conducting a training session for the nude leapfrog mixed doubles hopefuls...His investigation was hampered somewhat when he was whacked behind the knees with a nightstick by security guard, Deputy Dumpy Bunny, who observed him peeping through a window in the lesbian shower room of the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium...

He explained to the deputy that he was gathering evidence, then showed her his credentials, zipped back up, and was freed to go with a warning...After receiving information from an anonymous informant, RHM, that Bladder had been observed in the bath house, Inspector Lefty gained entrance to the poofter-only hot tub area...

Not having an accurate description of the Belgian poofter, Seepy Bladder, Inspector Lefty inquired of Hot Tub Temperature Manager, Chico PiƱata (here on an exchange towel boy work visa from the Obama Administration), and was told to look for Bladder's trademark yellow-tinged hot tub water...Bladder informed Inspector Lefty that his diplomatic status was still in effect, and he had immunity from any questioning, and from any mandatory tipping in the poofter locker room...

The irritated Inspector was forced to let Bladder go, but before leaving noticed his tubmate, who was wearing a fedora hat pulled down over his eyes, seemed very suspicious...Back at INTERPOOF headquarters, he identified the suspect as Norwegian poofter fugitive, Ifar Toften, from his wanted posters...

At press time, Inspector Lefty was checking the exchange rate between reward dollars and Norwegian standard bribes before applying for a warrant...Shown below in an INTERPOOF surveillance photo, Ifar Toften frolics with two crossdressers in the Obama-mandated transgender hot tub...