Iran supreme leader taunts U.S. poofter to fight Islamic State champ...

http://uk.reuters.com/article/2014/09/15/uk-iraq-crisis-france-idUKKBN0HA0F120140915

In a statement clearly designed to raise the ire of senior US bath house officials, radical Islamic poofter, Iranian Minister of Steamrooms, Ayatollah Leph te Rashitch, has challenged American bath house sportsmen to produce a fighter to go up against their new British champion...Iranian born Liqit Youssef was crowned sissyweight champion of the Islamic State United Kingdom (ISUK) last night in a quick decision over french challenger, Florian LePoof...

LePoof cried "foul" at the decision, saying he was momentarily overcome by what he termed as "an unfair advantage"...The ISUK champion is known to consume a ritual lunch of curdled goat cheese and Red Sea sardine sandwiches before every bout, ensuring that his breath also has a knockout punch...

Ayatollah Leph te boasted that all American fighters are weaklings, and no one can stand up to the jihad punch of Liqit Youssef...US poofters quickly fired back an answer, saying that ranked contender RHM can go the distance with any ISUK sissyweight...

Although RHM has had no championship bouts, he has already fought to a standstill in exhibition matches with gay pornstar, Arnold Swollenpecker, and lesbian nude oil wrestler, Mazola Mcleglock...But they say his main advantage is that he lives with his brother Lefty, who is also his trainer/manager, and has been immune all his life to the garbage-dump breath that is said to be Liqit Youssef's "secret weapon"...

In a hastily called press conference, Manager Lefty stated that RHM has the full backing of the prestigious Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium in any match, sanctioned or not...Said Lefty, "My boy will go jihad all over this skinny muslim's butt whether it's in the ring or in a back alley"...

Las Vegas oddsmakers are calling this match an even bet as neither fighter has a punch hard enough to knock over a sick cat...However, bidding is already skyrocketing from concessionaires looking for exclusive rights to sell Febreze and oxygen masks at what is almost certain to be an open-air fight...

In a slap at Manager Lefty's profession as a towel boy, the Ayatollah said he should remember to steal a bath house towel to throw in the ring after Youssef knocks RHM out...Lefty replied that Youssef should try to borrow LePoof's white flag to hang on his pants pole to signal a quick surrender as he enters the ring...

In this unusual bout, the highest priced seats are said to be the ones farthest from the ring, and consequently from the smell...RHM  has been seen at the Taco Bell training table (pictured below) everyday working to get his weight up to the minimum 89 pounds for the sissyweight class...

More Sports articles...

More World News articles...

Police allow hairdresser to finish customer's cut before arresting him/her...

http://www.cbs3springfield.com/story/26438263/police-allow-hairdresser-to-finish-customers-cut-before-arresting-her

As off-duty midget, lesbian Deputy Dumpy Bunny reported to her part-time security guard job at the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium, the employees and clients stopped to stare in open-mouthed wonder...It seemed her entire hairdo had shifted to one side, coincidentally exposing her oddly misshapen head...

When asked about it, the deputy, formerly of Montgomery County Precinct 0 and now on permanent assignment to the Hobby Airport Poofter Police, became noticeably agitated as her normally squeaky, annoying voice rose to a level that could shatter glass..."I don't want to talk about it!" she whined...

Left to her duty plugging peepholes from the towel boys' locker room into the nudist lesbians yoga classroom, her oldest son, a perpetual student and part-time lawn maintenance technician, arrived with her forgotten lunch sack...Pressed for details, but fearful of raising the anger of his mother, he explained that there was a minor altercation where his mother gets her hair cut, then he hurriedly left...

Later, after being offered a McDonald's Diet Coke which sometimes calms her down, the deputy revealed that she ordinarily gets her hair cut by a transvestite parolee who performs community service as a hairdresser in the city jail lobby...The midget deputy, who always brings her own booster chair to the shop, was in the middle of her haircut when a warrant officer arrived to revoke the parolee's probation...

He agreed to wait until the current haircut was complete, but the nervous parolee had broken one of his/her 4" heels, and was forced to stand at an awkward angle to finish the job...The result was a hairdo that even Vidal Sassoon couldn't fix on his best day...

The off-kilter coiffure caused the deputy's hat to be tilted at a jaunty angle reminding others of Claude Rains in "Casablanca" although his mustache was smaller...She also still refuses to acknowledge that she sometimes wears a hairpiece to cover a bald spot, although one was found in her locker...

Seen below is a visiting barber college student attempting to lessen the damage by "evening it up"...

More Fashion & Society articles...

Tesla D Is Insane...

http://cleantechnica.com/2014/10/10/tesla-d-insane/

The results of a court-ordered psychiatric examination are in for newly arrived Armenian lesbian masseuse, Tesla D...Tesla's last name cannot be pronounced by Western tongues without developing a severe, permanent stutter, thus she is known by her first name and her room designation where she is employed by the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium...

A mental exam was ordered with noted psychiatrist/proctologist Dr. Tchytz (who is said to cure crazy at both ends) when Tesla began to exhibit signs of emotional imbalance...The first occurrence was when she commented on how handsome and virile-looking a towel boy named Lefty was...

It was first thought that she merely had poor taste in men, but then she commented on how sexy and alluring she found the squeaky, annoying voice of midget, lesbian security guard, Deputy Dumpy Bunny...On hearing this, bath house management ordered a complete psychiatric examination...

In a press release from Chief of Security Big "Tiny" Balsac it was said, "We figured anyone who thinks those two have any appeal at all, has got to be a few bricks short of a load...She's got a million dollar rack, but a 29 cent brain, and Dr. Tchytz's exam confirms it"...

Dr. Tchytz reports that Tesla's dementia is not likely to turn violent as long as she is kept medicated with a strong sedative such as Le Voyager Ⓡ Cabbage Cider or Pinecone Wine, both of which Dr. Tchytz stocks as an exclusive distributor in his Braniff Street Gender Reassignment Clinic & Bait Shop...Towel boy lefty has volunteered to administer the recommended dosage for her to prevent over-medication...

Bath house senior management was pleased with the results, as Tesla has proved to be a valuable employee, especially since she has not completely mastered the US/Armenian currency exchange rate, and accepts her pay in post-dated IOU's...Lefty also helps her make sure her tip jar (shown below) doesn't become over-stuffed which he tells her would be a violation of OSHA safety rules...

More Health & Medicine articles...

ROBOT TROUSER SNAKE stiffens to MOUNT slippery mounds...

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2014/10/10/robot_trouser_snake_has_no_problem_with_slippery_mounds/

Dr. Lefty of the Lesbian Propulsion Laboratory reports good news today for those with trouser snakes which have difficulty mounting slippery mounds...Dr. Lefty explains, "Lesbians who maintain a smooth surface at the entrance to their mounds often find the pathway becomes slippery at the approach of a trouser snake"...

His assistant, scientific researcher RHM, has been working on a mechanized device to be offered for sale in upscale male lingerie boutiques, which may solve problems in other fields...Dubbed the "Rectal Intruder" by volunteer test subjects, it is thought to have promise in gaining traction in lesbian applications also...

Dr. Lefty says his experiments have shown it has a major advantage over trouser snakes found in nature...He said, "My own trouser snake has a problem focusing on the target once within range...It gets distracted by other events on the field and wants to wander away"...

He explained that the mechanized snake has a sensor which keeps it homed in on the target by sensing moisture and aroma...Once it has penetrated the outer layers, it momentarily paralyzes the prey allowing the accompanying natural trouser snake to finish off the job...

Dr. Lefty said his research will involve extensive field testing before the beta models will be released to the public...His observations are expected to be carried out among the lesbian clientele at the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium from which much of his funding comes...

Shown below is an experimental mechanized version becoming familiar with its surroundings in the natural habitat of the trouser snake...

More Science & Technology articles...

North Korea’s Kim Jong-un reportedly misses key celebration due to 'pulled tendon'...

Update: 

http://www.foxnews.com/world/2014/10/10/north-koreas-kim-jong-uns-absence-fuels-speculation-about-health-coup/

Reports gathered from Red China by this news analyst indicate that Chinese towel boy, Lef Ti, pulled not only Kim Jong-un's tendon, but a protuberance and its attached glands, plus used an extendable probe in a detailed cavity search in his efforts to avoid a nuclear showdown...In addition to relaxing the North Korean poofter leader's anxiety level, Lef Ti may also have succeeded in relaxing some strict importation rules concerning Taco Bell green chili burritos...

The NK government announced today that those individuals caught with the contraband will not face castration as before, but only hard labor in a North Korean laundry facility...In addition, the contraband is to be brought before Kim Jong-un himself for closer, personal inspection...

The series of small explosions detected by seismic recorders in US spy satellites were reported by a North Korean spokesman as relating to the relief of Kim Jong-un's jockey-area overpressure ailment followed by a gastric distress valve opening after the poofter leader's sampling of a spicy foreign cuisine...

Lef Ti is said to have reported to the Beijing People's Poofter Collective in his new job as Head Towel Boy, a position with no salary increase, but a higher percentage of tip jar proceeds...Waving goodbye to a satisfied client (seen below,) Lef Ti was heard to mutter, "Cheap homo leave IOU in tip jar again!"...

More World News articles...

Bath house customers get hacked...

http://money.cnn.com/2014/10/10/news/companies/dairy-queen-malware/

Showing that even gay bath houses are not immune to internet hackers, the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium reports today that its membership records were hacked by an anonymous web hacker...Not all clients were victims in this attack, as it seems only lipstick lesbians who would rate an 8.5 or better on the Playboy Scale were vulnerable...

The bath house Chief of Security, Big "Tiny" Balsac, said in a press release that all such crimes are taken seriously by management, and they have retained the services of a specialist...Mr. Balsac then introduced midget lesbian Deputy Dumpy Bunny, formerly of Montgomery County Precinct 0 and now permanently assigned to the Hobby Airport Poofter Police...

Deputy Bunny stated in her annoying voice that no effort will be spared in her investigation, and she has already identified a "person of interest," a towel boy who has been observed spying on the lesbian shower rooms through a hidden peephole...The diminutive deputy said a much lower peephole has been installed so she can look from the other side and gather evidence from the poofter showers...

When the deputy was asked whether this will be an undercover assignment, she stripped off her uniform revealing that she only wore a strap-on "entertainment device" in order to have a place to conceal her badge...Asked where she intended to carry her weapon, Mr. Balsac was heard to mutter, "She is a weapon"...

Pressed for more details on what data was stolen from the victims, Mr. Balsac said the only info lost seemed to concern phone numbers and addresses, plus lists of lesbo porn sites visited by the lesbian clientele...The determined deputy vowed to bring the culprit to justice if she had to strip search every lipstick lesbo in South Houston...

A towel boy lurking nearby, known only as "Lefty," volunteered his time in that effort, but was declined by the switch-hitting deputy, saying in her squeaky voice, "I'll interview this one separately"...Lefty also could not immediately explain the data recorder found in his tip jar (pictured below)...

More Business articles...

Kim Jong-un has not been blown for 37 days and the testicle valve is about to explode...

http://www.smh.com.au/world/kim-jongun-has-not-been-seen-for-37-days-and-the-internet-is-about-to-explode-20141010-113zop.html

There is growing concern today for the welfare of those close to North Korean leader and poofter Kim Jong-un as it has been determined by his astrologist that he has not been blown in 37 days...In this, the Korean Year of the Jackass, his astrology advisors calculated that unless his scrotum pressure is relieved no less than once every 38 days, the overpressure valve in his Korean-counterfeited Fruit of the Looms could explode, triggering WWIII...

Even his hand-picked stable of male concubines have all refused to service him at this late date, even under threat of death, due to the danger of decapitation at the time of release...In an unprecedented move, Kim Jong-un's staff of advisors has decided to open diplomatic channels to neighboring China and ask for a specialist...

Red China's Ministry of Laundry, which has jurisdiction over all state-run bath houses, is known to harbor a towel boy named Lef Ti in the Beijing People's Poofter Collective...Although Lef Ti has a unique aura about him known to be offensive to the olfactory senses of Asian poofters, he is also known to accept unusual challenges, especially if a big tip is involved...

Negotiations are underway between the communist nations in an attempt to forestall a nuclear holocaust...Sources close to the bargaining table quoted Lef Ti as saying, "I blow crazy Korean homo, what in it for me?"...

Update: War may have been averted as Lef Ti was seen crossing the China/Korea border carrying a diplomatic pouch of Taco Bell green chili burritos, known to be a hard to get delicacy in North Korea and normally considered contraband punishable by castration...Spy satellites later detected an activity resembling a small explosion in the private chamber area of Kim Jong-un's presidential palace...

Later seen re-crossing the border under truce flags, a disgruntled Lef Ti was heard to mutter, "I save world and all I get is extra ration of soybean egg rolls!"...Shown below is the drive-through rickshaw entrance to the Beijing Taco Bell where Lef Ti emerged with his diplomatic pouch...

More World News articles...