A recent daylight theft in the Hobby Airport Bath House District was averted by an alert resident who witnessed the theft...Newcomer Puffy Cravinmore, a beautiful, pixie-like traveler who decided to save some time in her motorcycle journey from Central Texas to a Gulf Coast beach where she might obtain a more even winter tan, unknowingly entered the HABHD hoping to save some time...She then made the mistake of stopping at an intersection on Braniff Street near the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium, an act which knowledgeable motorists avoid due to the high incidence of theft and solicitation from street peddlers...
Before she had even come to a full stop she was approached by Lefty, a local bath house towel boy who offered her a discount coupon for a massage from Armenian lesbian masseuse, Tesla D...Already repelled by Lefty's body odor, Ms. Cravinmore was reaching into her leather jacket for her can of industrial strength Febreze, when Lefty, who thought she was going for a concealed handgun, suddenly backed away...At this time Ms. Cravinmore put her BMW motorcycle into gear, and attempted to ride away when she discovered she couldn't because her rear wheel was missing...
While she was distracted by Lefty's unwanted attention, she was unaware that the thieves in the Hobby Airport area are so well practiced, as well as brazen, they had placed her BMW on a cinder block and made off with the wheel while the bike was still running...Fortunately for her the incident was witnessed by the laconic yet sharp-eyed neighborhood handyman, Gristmill Mikey, a rehabilitated ex-convict who approached her telling her not to worry...Mikey's calming words took some of her fear away from his scary, unusual appearance...At that moment she realized that his only garments were a tool belt, a loincloth made of Harley-Davidson chain links and steel-toed boots...
What she had first taken for antique, engraved leather clothing was actually Mikey's own skin...She also noticed when he scratched his jawline with a steel screwdriver, sparks flew from it...At this moment she realized this may be the toughest man she ever met...He reassured her that what had happened was a common occurrence in the HABHD, and that he could get her wheel returned to her...After loading the rest of her BMW into his Ford diesel pickup, he drove her to the tattoo parlor of his girlfriend, Sidecar Sophie, when he noticed towel boy Lefty trying to peek into her parlor where he knew she often worked in the nude...
Lefty noticed Ms. Cravinmore before he saw Mikey, and immediately asked her for a date...She explained she was already married to another man and two other women, and wasn't interested...At this time Mikey ejected Lefty from the premises, and told Ms. Cravinmore she would be safe there with Sophie while he recovered her property...Inside she met Sophie who was doing a costly tattoo removal procedure on midget lesbian, Deputy Dumpy Bunny...Ms. Bunny had earlier been tattooed with an image of gay comedian Ellen Degeneres, but started the removal process when the celebrity refused to take her phone calls, or answer her insistent letters...Still being on duty, the deputy and part-time night watchperson took Ms. Cravinmore's statement on the theft...
Soon Ms. Cravinmore heard the familiar sound of her BMW approaching, and went outside to see Gristmill Mikey riding up on her motorcycle...Mikey explained that he already knew of a gang of motorcycle thieves recruited by newly arrived Sicilian deportee, Carmine "The Hat" Caponescu, who was kicked out of the Italian Mafia for excessive brutality...The gang had been formed from local juvenile detention school dropouts, and were responsible for a spate of motorcycle parts thefts...But they already knew of the formidable reputation of reformed bad boy Mikey, and at his suggestion, they not only reassembled the BMW, but also detailed and polished it, changed the oil, filled the tank with gas and left a letter of apology taped to the bike's windscreen...
Ms. Cravinmore thanked Mikey profusely, and accepted his advice to find another shortcut to the beach next time, or at least avoid slowing down on Braniff Street...
Pictured below is the remainder of Ms. Cravinmore's motorcycle immediately after her brief, but ill-timed stop in the HABHD...
