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Alfred the Sissy was a historical figure believed to be the mythical "Poofter King" who built the first bath house palace in what eventually became the Hobby Airport area...
Arnold Swollenpecker is a gay pornstar and sissyweight fighter...
Ayatollah Leph te Rashitch is the Iranian Minister of Steamrooms and spiritual leader of ISUK (Islamic State United Kingdom)...
"Bearclaw" Longmember is a very lonely hermit and mountain man who is studiously avoided by all, including amorous grizzly bears, when his libido begins to rise...
Carmine "The Hat" Caponescu is the half Italian cousin of Yugo Leftanescu deported from Europe at the request of the Sicilian Mafia for excessive brutality in loan-shark debt collection...
Chico Piñata is a Cuban poofter exile working to restore Havana bath houses to their former glory...
Dewey Cheatham is the CPO (Chief Poofter Officer) of the Hobby Airport Bath House District board of directors, and is responsible for the issuance of new business licenses after collection of any appropriate bribes...
Emperor Manchu Dong was a historical figure responsible for bringing an age of enlightenment to early Chinese poofter life with improvements such as towel service to replace rolling in the grass...His burial site with his terracotta doll collection is still being excavated...
Fedora "Butch" Jenner is the unisex hatcheck person at the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium..."Butch's" transgender status is on hold until he/she/it decides which sex to choose from Dr. Tchytz's catalog...
Florian LePoof is a former French contender for the sissyweight boxing title who, after a loss on a technicality, became a dedicated guerrilla fighter against ISUK...
Hocker Hamm is the scion of the Hamm's beer family who, with his lesbian wife Lickreesha, are the last brewers of the favored drink of towel boys...
Hu Flung Dung has been up and down the ladder of the Chinese poofter power structure from apprentice towel boy to Minister of Laundry...He is said to be the avowed enemy of his former friend Lef Ti, and learned much about him from Showermaster Rili Huang Min (RHM)...
Igoleft the Lesser and his sissy brother, Ramses Hannu Menhet (or RHM), developed a much sought after nectar brewed from barley and built a poofter dynasty in Lower Mesopotamia...The nectar's quality degenerated over the years to a brew called Hamm's which today is undrinkable except by bath house towel boys...
Kneeling Pussy Willow is the squaw of Chief Shatting Bull of the Hackasaw Indian Tribe Council (Anthropologists will note the Hackasaw Indians were so named from their willingness to cut anything that walks upright)...
Lef Ti is a Chinese towel boy who once rose in the poofter ranks to become the Chinese Minister of Laundry...He has many contacts in the Asian bath house community, and made many enemies in his rise to power...Honorable Master Lef Ti also has academic credentials at the PF Chang Poofter & Laundry Academy...
Leftino is an Italian towel boy listed on the manifest of the doomed Pride of Montrose cruise ship...He is credited with saving the lives of two naked lesbians by using their breasts as flotation devices, and also testified at the maritime hearings...
Leftito is a Cuban towel boy employed by the Hugo Chavez Memorial Poofter Collective in Havana...He also serves as El Presidente Raúl Castro's personal laundry boy...
Leftovsky is a Russian envoy and former towel boy for Russian president Vladimir Putin, and now recently named Commissar of Poofter Collectives...He is said to be descended from Rasputin, the mystic towel bearer and keeper of the tip jar for Czar Nicholas the Poofter...
Leroi LeBoi was the Obama administration's former Poofmaster General who left office to start a chain of gay bars called "Nancybois" with celebrity partners John Travolta and Tom Cruise...
Liqit Youssef is a Syrian-born toady for ISUK who, like all their cowardly members, takes his orders from his poofter masters...His primary weapon in his battles is said to be his breath derived from his strict diet of curdled goat cheese and Red Sea sardine sandwiches...
Mister Blister is the name chosen by the Sino-Japanese tag team duo of 650 pound Hef Ti, a Chinese eunuch sumo wrestler, and Dinki Winki, a midget Japanese poofter oil wrestler, in the popular Asian bath house sport of nude sumo oil wrestling...
Nanookie of the North was a historical figure of Norse legend, said to be a fierce, red-haired midget lesbian who hated all men, and whose main weapon was her shrill, annoying voice which could shatter an iceberg...Her slave towel boy, Yellocok, is always pictured on her left in illustrations...
Nanookie of the South was the lesbian dogteam handler of a doomed Antarctica expeditionary team in which an ancestor of Lefty was the only known survivor...
Nostraleftus was a historical figure and believer in the occult as he left cryptic messages on beer bottle labels for future followers to find...His reputation for prediction may have suffered a bit as he failed to see the dropped bar of soap that led to his early demise...
Prunella Pinchloaf (sometimes known by her professional name, Priscilla Pantload) is one of Lefty's girlfriends he only calls in dire emergencies, such as his other girlfriends being booked into jail, or if he misses his bus to his probation officer visit...
Rabbi Levty is the leader of a radical religion hoping to establish itself with a bath house temple near the Tel Aviv Taco Bell deli where kosher burritos are featured...
Rama Lambda Ernest, a renowned goat-whisperer, man of peace and Hindu philosopher, leads a life of unity and pacifism in the tranquil hills of Gonzales County where he lovingly tends his goat herd...
Rear Vice Commodore "Leftie" Leftchester is a retired and now disgraced former member of the Queen's Royal Horse Marines who supplements his monthly stipend with part time employment in London bath houses...
Rili Huang Min (RHM) is Showermaster in the Hanzhob Peoples' Poofter Collective which is located deep within the Chinese bath house community...He teaches his methods only to a select few...He is also suspected of leading a double life as the ruthless leader of a gay criminal Triad gang known as the Dragon Dongs...
Sergei Boris Analtoy (aka SBA) is a Russian-born financier thought to be the monetary might behind Russia's burgeoning poofter economy...He is said to have perfected a method of encrypting antique piano rolls with blackmail data...
Sidecar Sophie is a gorgeous yet empty-headed tattoo artist and leather enthusiast who has become enamored of taciturn neighborhood repairman, Gristmill Mikey...
Sir Neville Clive Flamingwell is a British subject and poofter sometimes called upon by the Queens to handle sticky situations in the London bath house community...
Speedo Hardhatter is the valet parking garage attendant at the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium, and is known for bringing a client his car in the least amount of time, with the least amount of rubber remaining on the tires...His name is derived from his work uniform...
Sukyu (pronounced suck-you) Longdime is the recently reinstated Japanese Trade Minister (TM) who previously left office in disgrace over her attempts to discredit Poofter Minister (PM) "Abe" of the Japanese Parliament...
Tesla D is an Armenian lesbian masseuse whose last name cannot be pronounced by western tongues...She is employed at various adult entertainment venues in the Hobby Airport bath house district...
Yugo Leftanescu is a crossdressing East European bookie and oddsmaker whose office is a barstool in a Hobby Airport area topless bar...He was named after the car in which he was born, shortly before his mother abandoned him for her lesbian lover...

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