Gristmill Mikey...

Gristmill Mikey is a reformed bad-boy biker who was banished from three outlaw biker gangs for excessive brutality and foul language...Once when sentenced to a Southern prison chain gang, he even brought his own chain...

Recommended for parole by PETA after showing compassion for the vicious Doberman perimeter guard dogs who accepted him as one of their own, he now resides at a Hobby Airport area halfway house formerly operated by an elderly, eccentric recluse where he performs community service repairing the vintage buildings on the grounds...

Determined not to return to a life of crime, he now makes his living as the neighborhood handyman making the necessary repairs on the bath houses, massage parlors, liquor stores, topless bars and adult novelty stores within the bath house district...He is sometimes accompanied by his beautiful, yet incredibly dull-witted girlfriend, Sidecar Sophie...

As a show of good faith to the parole board, Gristmill Mikey offered to teach his combat tactics, learned in gang fights in biker bars and prison riots, to elite US Marine units, but his methods were considered too barbaric to use under present rules of engagement in the Geneva Convention, and also caused nightmares among some of the more sensitive battle veterans...

Mikey's unusual appearance also causes him to avoid the public...He was once introduced to Rev. Al Sharpton who was forced to reschedule his testimony before Congress demanding more funding for minority clergymen because of a temporary paralysis of his vocal chords after confronting Gristmill Mikey...

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