"The disgraced former towel boy of a poofter cruise liner that capsized off an Italian island went back on board Thursday for the first time since the 2012 shipwreck."
The towel boy, listed on the Italian manifest as Leftino, has been sequestered in a Hobby Airport area mansion until his/her testimony as required in the shipwreck's legal proceedings...Leftino's testimony is considered crucial, and the mansion's owner, a retired clandestine government employee, was happy to comply under threat of a visit from the Houston Drainage Committee...
Said Leftino, "I'm glad to get out of there...The smelly old dude's daughter is a hot babe, but she keeps turning the heaters off in the winter...Something about open flames and gas leaks"...The towel boy is charging that the shipwreck was the result of incompetence on the Captain's part...
Leftino charges that the ship's international cuisine caused gastric distress and uncontrolled flatulence on the lesbian side of the ship where he performed his duties, and the Captain refused to give the order to open all the portholes...He testified that the Captain was frolicking with the passengers on the poofter side, and seemed unconcerned that the high pressure from the flatulence had increased the buoyancy on the lesbo side and caused a list to the homo side...
Leftino testified, "By the time the flatulence blowout valves opened, it was too late to save the ship...I heroically rushed to the purser's office to save the passengers' jewelry and wallets, but the poofters were underwater by then...Without regard for my own safety, I grabbed two of the naked lesbians and threw us overboard...Fortunately their large breasts kept us afloat until rescue"...
The Captain is being represented in Italian Maritime Court by famed attorney, Mr. C.N. Spitt, Esq., who happened to be vacationing on the Italian Riviera until an Alabama bench warrant against him expires...Mr. Spitt claims to have evidence against Leftino that will exonerate the Captain and convict the real guilty party...
Leftino is shown below demonstrating the latest in packaged potatoes to a lesbo passenger...
No comments:
Post a Comment
Comments are welcome...Malicious messages and spam attempts will be removed...Keep it clean and let's have fun...