Father X...

Father X has led many lives in his busy career, most notably as a minor corrupt Utah state government official who left his office in disgrace over charges of distributing counterfeit Coors ration cards to be used in state-owned liquor stores...Although Coors is known to be the closest thing to diluted water in existence, it is a popular drink in Utah where real adult beverages are forbidden by law...

Following his hasty exit from official life, he became a wandering nomad in the Moab Desert where he roamed aimlessly on his antique Russian military motorcycle, paced at a respectful distance by his entourage of wives...His diligence was rewarded when a vision came to him at an oasis near an abandoned pink Volvo where he was compelled to build a shrine dedicated to the worship of St. Britney...

He was ordained as Father X by Bishop Lefty of the Temple of Our Lady of Diminished Virginity, and soon gathered a cult of convertees...With the help of his devoted followers, the shrine grew into an armored compound which now houses a Coors distributorship, Sig-Sauer gun store and Harley Davidson dealership in addition to the sanctuary dedicated to St. Britney...

Bishop Lefty still makes a monthly pilgrimage to the compound with his covey of nudist lesbian nuns to ensure strict compliance with the sect's canons, and to get his cut of the tithes...Father X receives worshipers daily where the faithful may sanctify themselves at the altar of St. Britney in a darkened video arcade complete with ATM and credit card activated Kleenex and KY dispensers...

Following the worship services, Father X retires to his rectory where he anoints himself with a golden grain beverage brought to him from its source in a Colorado valley by Ninja Wife while his lesser wives await their call to service his needs...Still in high demand to offer his counseling and political analysis, Father X now limits his advice only to the true believers...

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