Frequently Asked Questions...

We sincerely hope to clear up any befuddlement with this helpful page...

Q: Why are there so many lesbians in Lefty's life?...It seems every woman he knows is a lesbian...
  • A: Lefty assumes that every woman who turns down his advances is a lesbian...Therefore he knows a lot of lesbians...
Q: Why do poofters tolerate Lefty's presence?...Do they like him?...
  • A: Lefty is on the bottom rung of humanity's social strata...It makes poofters happy to know someone is even more rejected, and less respected than they are...
Q: I've been to Hobby Airport, and I can't find the Bath House District...Where is it?...
  • A: Only long time residents know its boundaries...Ask any elderly, eccentric retiree in the neighborhood...
Q: Are all the people in these articles real?...
  • A: All persons and places mentioned are real...Since there are no innocent parties to protect, no names have been changed...
Q: It seems the Hobby Airport area is full of strange people and questionable businesses...Aren't there any zoning laws or building restrictions?...
  • A: Variances are available from any Bath House District Inspector for a nominal bribe...
Q: Why does Lefty seem to have privileges in jail and prison which other detainees do not have?...
  • A: Lefty is a frequent well-known guest and is accorded special treatment because judges know that whether he's innocent of current charges or not, he's bound to be guilty of something...
Q: Where do you get your stories?...I don't see this kind of news reported elsewhere...
  • A: This is why LeftyInTheNews is such an important news interpretation source...The mainstream media reports what they are told to report...Most of our articles seem to almost write themselves, although we also rely on field correspondents like reader Dan for contributions...
Q: What are Father Lefty's religious beliefs?...He seems to be tolerant of many faiths...
  • A: As suggested elsewhere, Father Lefty is non-denominational, and will accept offerings of currency in any denomination...
Q: The Lesbian Propulsion Laboratory where Dr. Lefty works is oddly named...What does it mean?...
  • A: Dr. Lefty's work as a government scientist is dedicated to researching why lesbians are repelled by him, and propelled toward each other, hence the name...
Q: Lefty seems to have many roles in government and finance, when it's obvious he can't pass a background check...How does he do it?...
  • A: Lefty has discovered that bribes, threats, extortion, fraud, payola and other standard business practices work as well at the government level as they do in the private sector...
Q: Where do you find the photos accompanying your articles?...I don't see them in any other news source...
  • A: They are obtained from the international alliance of news photographers kept on retainer by LeftyInTheNews...
Q: My Mom doesn't use a computer...Is there a print version of Lefty In The News?...
  • A: Yes...Use the print button on your keyboard, and mail the result to her...Then send $1.00 per copy (cash only) to LeftyInTheNews@gmail.com and tell your Mom we said, "Thanks"...
  • Large print version and reading service available at extra cost...
Please submit any unanswered questions to: LeftyInTheNews@gmail.com



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