Big "Tiny" Balsac...

Big "Tiny" Balsac is a refugee from strife-torn Armenia who was admitted to America under the Obama administration's "excess weight" guidelines...Similar to the FAA rules which allow airlines to charge for excessive baggage, Mr. Balsac was allowed to offer the ICE agent an extra bribe on a per-pound basis, which worked out to be slightly cheaper than the standard bribe for two people...

His gargantuan size made him an easy choice for the Chief of Security position at the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium...Still awaiting his custom made uniform from the Circus Tent & Awning Co. Mr. Balsac is being allowed to wear a painted on uniform while on duty...

Several 55 gallon drums of midnight blue wall paint were left over from the bath house remodeling project, and with the help of a paint roller and two towel boys, he makes himself presentable for the job every day...Mr. Balsac coordinates his duties with those of midget lesbian security guard Deputy Dumpy Bunny to ensure the safety of all patrons, both lesbian and poofter of all genders, known and unknown...

He is also a great help to Secret Service agents when President Obama visits the bath house for a campaign speech, as the armored presidential limousine can stay cool in the shade of Mr. Balsac while the President delivers his speech wearing his standard bulletproof towel...

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