Thursday, July 21, 2016

CNN Exclusive: Pope held threesome with same-sex couple in U.S...

http://www.cnn.com/2015/10/02/us/pope-gay-washington/

Having recently been elevated to Pope of the Temple of Our Lady of Diminished Virginity, Pope Lefty (formerly Father Lefty) held a private audience with a same sex couple, and blessed their union with a three-way ritual in his private rectory...As is his custom, Pope Lefty recorded the event as he glorified the joining of the two lesbian women by anointing their faces...

Giving the brides away were their mentors from the local chapter of Dykes On Bikes, both dressed in formal leather and chain ensembles matching the flower girl who preceded the happy couple with a much needed aerosol can of Febreze air freshener in Fresh Fall Pumpkin scent...

The ceremony was momentarily delayed as the ring bearer from the Strike It Rich Pawn Shop & Payday Loan Store demanded the final payment on the matching ring set before releasing the items...Pope Lefty passed his papal headgear among the faithful attendees, and gathered enough donations (less his customary tithe) to allow the hallowed rites to continue...

For the devout parishioners who missed the live streaming on pay-per-view, Monsignor RHM will have copies of the ceremony, plus bonus scenes from the honeymoon on DVD and VHS available for a small donation in the Temple Gift Shop located in his male lingerie boutique in the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium...Shown below is the happy couple posing for pictures in their wedding gown...


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Thursday, July 14, 2016

FOOFA President Seepy Bladder stuns poofter world, saying he will resign...

http://www.latimes.com/sports/sportsnow/la-sp-sepp-blatter-to-resign-20150602-story.html

The poofter sports world met surprise today as their governing body, FOOFA, announced the resignation of its recently re-elected president, Seepy Bladder, in the face of of a new corruption investigation...INTERPOOF, the gay crimes investigative agency, has assigned Inspector Lefty to the case, and he says he will get to the bottom of it if he has to question every lesbian stripper in the area...twice...

After beginning his investigation with his usual canvassing of topless bars in the Hobby Airport vicinity, Inspector Lefty widened his search area by interviewing the coach of the lesbian Olympic team, Mazola McLeglock, who was conducting a training session for the nude leapfrog mixed doubles hopefuls...His investigation was hampered somewhat when he was whacked behind the knees with a nightstick by security guard, Deputy Dumpy Bunny, who observed him peeping through a window in the lesbian shower room of the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium...

He explained to the deputy that he was gathering evidence, then showed her his credentials, zipped back up, and was freed to go with a warning...After receiving information from an anonymous informant, RHM, that Bladder had been observed in the bath house, Inspector Lefty gained entrance to the poofter-only hot tub area...

Not having an accurate description of the Belgian poofter, Seepy Bladder, Inspector Lefty inquired of Hot Tub Temperature Manager, Chico PiƱata (here on an exchange towel boy work visa from the Obama Administration), and was told to look for Bladder's trademark yellow-tinged hot tub water...Bladder informed Inspector Lefty that his diplomatic status was still in effect, and he had immunity from any questioning, and from any mandatory tipping in the poofter locker room...

The irritated Inspector was forced to let Bladder go, but before leaving noticed his tubmate, who was wearing a fedora hat pulled down over his eyes, seemed very suspicious...Back at INTERPOOF headquarters, he identified the suspect as Norwegian poofter fugitive, Ifar Toften, from his wanted posters...

At press time, Inspector Lefty was checking the exchange rate between reward dollars and Norwegian standard bribes before applying for a warrant...Shown below in an INTERPOOF surveillance photo, Ifar Toften frolics with two crossdressers in the Obama-mandated transgender hot tub...


Monday, July 11, 2016

Police detonate pressure cooker outside South Houston Taco Bell...

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-32875263

Tragedy was averted for many residents today as Hobby Airport Poofter Police took quick action on reports of a possible WMD found abandoned in a Taco Bell parking lot...Deputy Dumpy Bunny responded to a report of a strange device found oozing bubbles and emitting a foul vapor left near a '76 AMC Pacer at the Taco Bell near the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium...

In her approach the device began to rumble and shake, causing her to call in backup from the bomb squad who were across the street investigating the ongoing complaint of offensive odors from the Braniff Street Piano Roll Museum...Bomb squad officers quickly diverted to the Taco Bell parking lot as the proprietor of the museum shook his cane at them from his porch...

Seeing a name and phone number etched into the handle of the device, officers called the number and spoke to a woman identifying herself as the mother of Lefty, a well known towel boy at the bath house next door...She said she had loaned her pressure cooker to her son so he could soak his gym socks and thong underwear in a solution of boric acid and vinegar in an attempt to remove a stubborn odor...

Bomb squad officers proceeded to wrap the device, along with a quantity of C-4 explosive in several layers of Kevlar blanket, then remotely exploded it...Damage to the '76 AMC Pacer was said to be undetermined as it didn't seem to look any worse than before...

Deputy Bunny, a midget lesbian, held an after-action press conference standing atop an empty Hamm's Beer Tallboy case, and said the all clear siren will be sounded as soon as EPA responders verify the air quality...She also said Lefty's mom declined the return of her pressure cooker, saying she would rather pick up another one at a garage sale this weekend...

Lefty (shown below), who had thought his laundry would be safe in the parking lot while he walked to a local 7-11 to inquire about their "Free Slurpee" promotion, offered this comment: "Hey man, I asked the chick at 7-11 for a free slurpee, and she hands me this cup of sugary colored ice...What a ripoff!"...