Lefty in the news...

News items appear almost daily concerning Lefty, but often must be interpreted for the average reader...As a public service, and to keep the unsuspecting public informed about Lefty's activities, we will make every effort to update the news as we see it... Reader discretion, and a sense of humor, are strongly recommended... Please review "Terms of Service" at bottom of page before continuing...

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Government & Military...

Click links below for news of government and military activity from the archives...

Doubts greet North Korea claims of advance to mini-poofter weapons...

Hundreds expected outside Scottsdale bath house at Ayatollah cartoon contest...

Petraeus sentenced to 2 years' probation for military leak...

The 9 states with the highest poofter taxes...

Scientists Find No Evidence of Illegal Alien Life in 100,000 Bath House members...

French crablice carrier deployed against ISUK in Iran...

Next Marine rotation Down Under to include more lesbos...

EPA continues to monitor pants spill near Conroe...

Army General Reaches Deal On Sex Counts...

Lefty, Other Poofter Icons to Be on 2015 Postage Stamps...

California grants bath house license to undocumented immigrant poofter...

Dr. Tchytz's Norwegian-born uncle, once ordered deported, granted permission to stay in US...

Veterans news...

At the military dance...

Why Lefty was fired from making shotgun safety instruction videos...

Lefty's military career...

Lefty selected for next Astronaut...

Lefty criticizes government program...


 Gov't spy drones unable to locate Lefty...

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Lefty sightings...

Have you sighted Lefty in an online news story?...If so email us with the complete URL link from the news source, and include your interpretation of the story...When published, you will receive the appropriate credit or blame, as the case may be...


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Thumbnail Biographies...

  • Click any link below for more information than you bargained for...
  • Lefty...
  • RHM...
  • Other family...
  • Father X...
  • Mr. C.N. Spitt, Esq...
  • SBA...
  • Cap'n Mike...
  • Mazola McLeglock...
  • Dr. Tchytz...
  • Deputy Dumpy Bunny...
  • Latrina...
  • Ifar Toften...
  • Cascade Kitchen Counselor...
  • Big "Tiny" Balsac...
  • Phillbo...
  • Ricky...
  • BigOldDeerHunter...
  • Gristmill Mikey...
  • Puffy Cravinmore...
  • Saggy...
  • Le Voyager...
  • 2ndthyme...
  • The Bundo...
  • Fred K...
  • Fulltimer...
  • AK Gandy...
  • Truckman...
  • Truckman's Nieces...
  • Minor Characters...

About Lefty...

Lefty is a sometimes unemployed, full time public nuisance who ekes out a living with his job as a towel boy in a Hobby Airport bath house catering to poofters and lesbians...He is the bane of existence for his landlord, an elderly, eccentric retired civil engineer, from whom he and his brother, RightHandMan (or simply RHM) rent a converted shipping container located behind the retiree's mansion next to the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium...


Lefty is very ingenious in his own way as he attempts to augment his lifestyle at the expense of the unknowing public...He often appears in news items around the world, which must be interpreted to reveal his presence...

His libido is sometimes questioned by those around him, but it is believed his main pleasure comes from observing gullible lesbians who tolerate his appearances, just as he tolerates the gay world which he and his sissy brother inhabit...

About Truckman...

Truckman is the author of this blog, and as such, must assume the mantle of blame for its content...He apparently finds humor where others only see jabs and insults hurled at their personal icons...Of this he cares little, and doesn't even mind when stones are flung back at him...

He is an enigmatic figure, preferring to dwell in the shadowy places where you can be assured he is always watchful...His blind spots seem to be the women with whom he chooses to link himself...They are the sources of many of the scars he bears in life, and although he emerges from these contacts bloodied, he goes forth with renewed confidence...

His personal code is as inflexible as he is resilient, as he begins each day expecting nothing, and prepared for all...He is a friend to those who value his friendship, and a wise choice to avoid for the ne'er-do-wells...His personal motto is: "Cogito, ergo boom!"... Roughly translated from Latin, it means "I think, therefore I carry a .45"...

In his many and varied careers, Truckman gained the most notoriety as a parody producer as seen on YouTube...But alas, Hollywood and the big-money left-wing production companies have conspired to keep his name out of the nominations for Best Parody at the Academy Awards...The only reason the young starlets seek his company anymore is the obvious one...

A word concerning character portrayals...

Some characters represented are based on members of this discussion board:http://www.crackerbarrelphilosophers.com...Their on-forum personalities were distorted to generate humor...Other characters are public personalities drawn from the news, or from imagination...No insult or harm was intended toward anyone...

Copyright Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for fair use for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favor of fair use.

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Terms of Service...

You ("Reader") understand and agree that Sections 1 through 12 of this News Interpretation Service Agreement ("Agreement") apply to LeftyInTheNews' ("Us") interpretations of all news articles ("Article(s)") read by Reader, which may include wire service, newspaper, television coverage or just something we made up.

1. Agreement. Reader agrees to be bound to this Agreement by accepting the warped sense of humor, irreverent disregard for easily hurt feelings and feigned ignorance of world views displayed by the reporters.

2. Residential Use. The Services provided are solely for Reader's personal, residential use whether Reader lives in a house, girlfriend's apartment, cardboard box or sleeps on a couch in his/her office, and Reader shall not use Services for any commercial purpose. LeftyInTheNews shall have the megalomaniacal right to determine, in its sole discretion, in perpetuity, throughout the universe both known and unknown, what constitutes a "commercial" purpose.

3. Access to Reader's Premises. Reader grants LeftyInTheNews and its employees, representatives and/or agents the right to enter Reader's premises and access your pantry, refrigerator, porn collection and high-performance cars and trucks.

4. Payment. Unless you're unspeakably rich or one of my jezebel ex-wives, you owe me nothing, and you're certainly not getting a nickel out of me.

5. Early Termination Fees. If a Reader cancels, terminates or discontinues the Service before finishing an article, the Reader owes it to himself to come back after eating his Taco Bell lunch.

6. Security Deposits. If a Reader is dumb enough to leave money with LeftyInTheNews, he can kiss it goodbye.

7. Equipment And Software. Any Reader who, while consuming coffee or chili or any other refreshment at the time of reading LeftyInTheNews, and who uncontrollably spews said refreshment on keyboard or monitor can damn well clean it up him/herself.

8. Reader Liability for Misuse. Reader assumes all responsibility for either not having a good sense of humor, or enough time to waste in reading about Lefty, or both.

9. Privacy Policy. Nothing in the Reader's life is personal nor private, and by reading LeftyInTheNews you grant us the right to report any event in your life in any distorted, twisted way we like, whether it actually happened or not.

10. Termination. LeftyInTheNews may terminate this Agreement immediately at any time, without prior notice, if Reader fails to display a sense of humor or good sportsmanship.

11. No Warranty; Limitation of Liability. READER AGREES THAT THE SERVICES ARE PROVIDED BY LEFTYINTHENEWS ON AN "AS IS" AND "AS AVAILABLE" BASIS WITHOUT WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND. IN OTHER WORDS, IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, YOU'RE SCREWED.

12. Entire Agreement. This Agreement constitutes the entire agreement between the parties and supersedes and nullifies all prior understandings, promises or undertakings with respect to the Services regardless of whether I remember them or not.

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