http://mg.co.za/article/2015-03-14-sa-performs-worlds-first-penis-transplant
Always on the cutting edge (so to speak) of groundbreaking medical procedures, Dr. Tchytz of the Hobby Airport Gender Reassignment Clinic & Bait Shop has announced the first successful complete penile transplant in history...The unnamed recipient, rumored to be a local towel boy as well as Dr. Tchytz's bait shop manager, is reported to be in stable condition following a brief period of post-surgical missteps...
A spokesman for the clinic reports that visitations for the patient are now limited to family only, with the exception of his sister Slinky who suffers from a rare allergy to clothing...Referred to by the code name "Patient Lefty" to protect his identity, his surgical stitches were mysteriously breaking after visits from personnel from a nearby bath house, including Mazola McLeglock, Latrina and Sidecar Sophie...
The stitch ruptures finally abated completely when his cable TV privileges were reduced to only the Cartoon Network and the Hindu Channel, removing all porn channels...The donor of the transplanted organ is reported to be notorious mountain man "Bearclaw" Longmember, who was receiving a court-ordered lobotomy to reduce his amorous tendencies which were endangering forest creatures near Longmember's wilderness home...
Longmember first made the news in an unfortunate incident on national television, and soon gained the attention of PETA officials who filed suit on behalf of the local moose and grizzly population...At the time of the lobotomy, Dr. Tchytz discovered a direct nerve connection between Longmember's brain and his protuberance, and the decision was made to remove it all as a unit...
"Patient Lefty" was already admitted to the clinic as the result of a friendly bet with unfortunate consequences...A local lesbian oil wrestler had bragged of her ability to tie a knot in a cherry stem with her tongue, and after "Patient Lefty's" challenge, the resulting entanglement in his pants could not be untied even with the help of local girl scout leaders experienced in knots, and the transplant received approval from Obamacare...
Dr. Tchytz preserved the brain tissue and connecting nerve for further study in a conveniently located fleshy sack under the transplanted organ...Mr. Longmember is not expected to notice the missing organ except for some slight confusion during men's room visits, and he will be temporarily housed in the Houston Zoo for observation before being allowed to return to his forest home...
The disfigured tissue removed from "Patient Lefty" will be preserved under an agreement with a local piano-roll museum operator who will display it as a curiosity in the "Other Specimens" wing of his gallery inside a sealed jar of Hamm's beer...
"Patient Lefty" had requested the services of Nurse Paula who declined because she is under contract to presidential candidate Phillbo during his campaign...Instead Obamacare has assigned the visiting nurse pictured below as his attending professional...
