Naked man jumping on cars along busy Florida highway...

http://www.roanoke.com/news/nation/wire/police-naked-man-jumping-on-cars-along-busy-florida-highway/article_8c407204-fa8e-5abf-8a5c-ad897e05ec52.html

Florida state prosecutors are considering charges against an elderly man who disrupted traffic along a heavily traveled stretch of highway in Florida's beach community...Identified only as "Saggy," it is unknown at this time whether this is his given name or an alias tagged by crime reporters...

Under questioning (from a safe distance by reluctant investigators) Saggy claimed to be a member of the Boca Raton Senior Nudist Coffee Club, saying he was late for a meeting of the planning committee for the "Happy Nude Year" party sponsored by his organization, and was trying to take advantage of prevailing winds by "car surfing" because he was expected to cast the deciding vote on the party theme...

Explaining further he said, "With all my loose skin, I can catch a tailwind on top of a minivan, and get even better mileage than a Nissan Versa Hybrid like some of those sissy poofters drive"...Enlisting the services of well-known senior rights lobbyist, Mr. C.N. Spitt, Esq., who was conducting his weekly inspection of facilities for housing intoxication violators, Saggy is expected to contest any charges filed...Prosecutors are said to be stymied as no state attorney as yet is willing to come near the case, or Saggy...

In a last ditch effort to gain favorable headlines for posterity, President Obama admitted he has directed the Federal Justice Department to consider whether to take over the case, but can't decide which issue to support...In a press release from the tee box at Burning Hills Golf Club, he said, "We could take an activist side for gay rights as well as alternative wind energy, but the public safety and animal endangerment issue from frightened indigenous Florida wildlife which witnessed the scene must be considered"...

Shown below in an undated file photo, Saggy is seen submitting to a strip search just before entering the clothing optional area of the Boca Raton Beach in his position as sand crab population monitor...