Monday, January 26, 2015

Report: HABH&PE ‘Zeroed In’ On Poofters Locker Room Attendant In DeflateGate Investigation...

http://boston.cbslocal.com/2015/01/26/report-nfl-zeroed-in-on-patriots-locker-room-attendant-in-deflategate-investigation/

Sports crime investigators for INTERPOOF, the gay crimes enforcement agency, are said to be "zeroing in" on a suspect in the recent scandal concerning deflated "marital aids" used in the Bath House Olympics semi-finals...Favored contender and perennial champion Lefty called foul when unable to get the correct bounce from his inflatable "date" in the last round of the competition...

Coming from a strong first-place finish in the nude leapfrog competition, Lefty was the odds on favorite to win the Ironman/Rubberwoman Biathlon until it was noticed his rebound technique was out of time, causing him to lose points in this synchronized event...Security camera footage shows an off-duty men's room attendant known only as RHM accepting a Taco Bell sack later found to contain an undetermined amount of cash from two burly individuals wearing raincoats and WNBA caps...

Under questioning, a visibly nervous RHM claimed the money was his change from his lunch delivery from Taco Bell, and the two burly individuals were lesbian students  working their way through college on a basketball scholarship...However, RHM could not immediately explain his recent remittance in full for past due payments on the business loan for his male lingerie boutique from Swifty's All-night Bail Bond, Repo & Payday Loan Co...

RHM could only mutter that "tips were good last week" as INTERPOOF detectives vowed to press their probe into the arrears rising from the scandal...Meanwhile, sports correspondent Dan reports, "Reports are reportedly assistant attendant towel boy Lefty was swiping and selling the poofters' underwear after each game."...

Shown below, the two student suspects are shown celebrating the results of the DNA tests which prove conclusively they are indeed lesbians...

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