Lesbo Aliens Unhappy with Shortage of Bilingual Doctors...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

U.N. Poofter Negotiators Reach Compromise, Bare...

http://gawker.com/u-n-climate-negotiators-reach-compromise-barely-1670899242

UN Ambassador for Poofter Relations Lefty reports today on an important new compromise agreement reached between the major Security Council members concerning climate control...A major skirmish was narrowly averted as a coalition of members was able to agree on a rotating schedule for seating next to the temperature control in the council's hot tub...

Poofter members from nations located in different climates throughout the world have their own temperature and humidity preferences, which has been a major bone of contention in the hot tubs and steamrooms...Ambassador Lefty, who already serves as liaison to the lesbian pearldiving committee, was disqualified as temperature manager due to unresolved bribe allegations...

Chinese Oil Minister Hu Flung Dung and Iranian Potentate of Steamrooms Leph te Rashitch both abstained from the vote over British Queen's Representative Sir Neville Clive Flamingwell's insistence on bringing his umbrella to the communal shower room...Agreement was finally reached to let Men's Room Council Chairman RHM use his Magic 8-Ball to choose the rotation schedule for the first month of climate control co-chairmen...

Secretary-General Si Yu Moon of Thailand expressed his relief at not having to assign peacekeepers for the refugees housed in the male lingerie boutique operated by Chairman RHM...Shown below, former US Senator Larry Craig, now the senior UN men's room attendant, invites poofters of all creeds and perversion preferences to visit the UN Assembly Men's Room in safety and comfort...

More World News articles...

Impact of lower oil prices on Asian bath house economies...

http://www.bangkokpost.com/business/news/464181/impact-of-lower-oil-prices-on-asian-economies

As oil prices plummet on products from the olive, canola and coconut markets, interest has picked up on the sport of nude lesbian oil wrestling, especially in the Asian bath house industry...In China, the state-owned Slippi Slidee Bath Oil Co. controlled under the auspices of newly named Oil Minister Hu Flung Dung, has begun a new marketing strategy to increase sales...

In a typical turn of events behind the bamboo curtain, the Chinese Oil Ministry must now report to the Ministry of Laundry, run by Hu Flung's one-time friend, former bath house towel boy and now Director, Lef Ti...Hu Flung's latest suggestion to employ retired lesbian oil wrestling champion, Mazola McLeglock, to promote the Slippi Slidee product line is thought to be a political ploy designed to distract Lef Ti, a long time admirer of Ms. McLeglock's prowess...

Lef Ti's efforts to induce Ms. McLeglock to tour the Chinese bath house circuit in a series of exhibition matches were always declined due to Lef Ti's previous career as a bath house towel boy...It seems Ms. McLeglock prior experiences with a Hobby Airport area towel boy were unfavorable leaving her with doubts concerning Lef Ti's sincerity...

However, Hu Flung Dung was more successful in his efforts due to his executive background as the former Minister of Laundry before the coup that led to Lef Ti's rise to power...Hu Flung is said to have learned much about Lef Ti's life from his apprenticeship to Showermaster Rili Huang Min (RHM) during his incarceration at the Hanzhob Peoples' Poofter Collective where he was sent for "re-education"...

Poofter analysts are closely watching Hu Flung's re-entry into the Chinese bath house power structure as it may signal another purge in the upper levels...Not wishing to involve herself in political intrigue, Ms. McLeglock's travel entourage has been assigned a security detail headed by midget lesbian and former deputy Dumpy Bunny, who is said to be feared by Chinese poofters for her fierce protection of Ms. McLeglock's assets...

Although normally involved in international poofter and lesbian concerns, UN Ambassador for Poofter Relations Lefty has not been consulted for advice, and his office door, pictured below, is strangely closed while calls to his private pay phone have gone unanswered...

More World News articles...

Police arrest man over bath tipper truck crash...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2956738/Police-arrest-two-men-suspicion-manslaughter-gross-negligence-Bath-truck-crash.html

Investigation continues in the case of an overturned bath truck brought on by a melee between a mobile towel boy and a travelling hot tub client...The incident began inside an experimental mobile bath house operated by RHM, Intl. which is conducting trial runs servicing an upscale poofter clientele who wish to frolic in a hot tub between their hotels and airports...

The cause of the argument leading to the accident centers on the value of a tip offered to his towel boy by international traveler, Sir Neville Clive Flamingwell, for services rendered in the roving hot tub...The towel boy, later identified as former Rear Commodore Leftchester, disgraced one-time member of the mounted Royal Horse Marines now supplementing his retirement stipend with part-time bath house employment, told Sir Neville his offer of a 10 sucat bill as a tip was unacceptable because he couldn't make the required change for the unusual currency due to lack of an up to date exchange rate chart...

The enraged Sir Neville then accused Leftchester (who prefers the nickname "Leftie") of picking his pocket while he was nude in the hot tub leaving him with only the foreign currency from his prior trip through war-torn Kablamistan...The ensuing melee caused foreign exchange student driver, Big "Tiny" Balsac, to lose control of the van which overturned in front of a gay arts theater where the Royal Poofter Skin Flute Band was performing a rendition of "God Save His Majesty, The Queen"...

In his own defense, Mr. Balsac said he is unfamiliar with driving on the left side of the road, being accustomed to battling other drivers for the center of the one-lane roads in his native Armenia...Due to the international complications arising from the incident, investigation has been turned over to Inspector Lefty of the traffic division of the gay crimes agency INTERPOOF, who vows a just decision after a thorough inspection of all local lesbian nudie bars, and collection of all available evidence and bribes...

Seen below is some of the evidence stored in a secure location for further analysis by Inspector Lefty's crack CSI team...

More Police & Court articles...

More World News articles...

Obama draws thongs on Stanford poofters...

http://www.santacruzsentinel.com/general-news/20150214/obamas-visit-draws-throngs-to-stanford-campus

In an obvious attempt to gain the trust of college-age voters, President Obama showed off his seldom seen skill as a body-painter while visiting the Stanford Student Union Bath House & Adult Textbook Store...The President revealed that his own education at the Idi Amin Institute of Tyranny in his native Kenya was financed by painting nose rings on the faces of impoverished students before they entered their glory hole construction classes...

After hearing the impassioned plea of Professor Lefty of the Stanford Institute for Advanced Lesbian Studies calling for federal funding for thongs in school colors to be worn by lesbian and poofter students, the President and his 368 Secret Service bodyguards flew to the campus to investigate...While the Secret Service agents conducted massive probes inside the shower rooms for soap dropping violations, Obama displayed his airbrush techniques by painting cardinal red thongs on students who could otherwise not afford them...

In a show of solidarity, the Republican-led Eta Pi sorority furnished brushes and touch-up bodypaint allowing Professor Lefty and his lesbian art class to gain extra credit by filling in the gaps as the delighted students entered the bath house...The Secret Service also waived the usual mandatory metal detector screening in favor of a full body cavity search since many students were wearing at least three pounds of body jewelry in their piercings...

Pictured below, Stanford animal rights activists provided comfort stations for dogs whose owners were expressing their gratitude for President Obama's visit...

More Politics articles...

Shooters Station news...

Shooting sports reporter Dan files this story: "Janitor Lefty had broom duty picking up empty shells until he slipped on the floor and jammed the broom up a shooter lady's bung."

Editor's note: He explained to the accident investigator that he was momentarily distracted by adjusting the lens on the little upskirt camera he had ziptied to his ankle monitor, thereby losing his grip on the broom...Plus he had just finished a sixer of Hamm's at lunch on the porch outside, and his eyes hadn't adjusted to the darker range lights yet....

After carefully examining the evidence and counting the change in Lefty's bribe offer, the investigator concluded there was nothing unusual about the incident...The shooter declined to press charges on the promise of being invited to examine Lefty's footage...

Still photo below captured from Lefty's belt buckle camera which was also captured...

More Sports articles...

California firefighters save horse stuck in outdoor bathtub with towel boy...

http://www.sfgate.com/news/article/California-firefighters-save-horse-stuck-in-6066812.php

Animal rights correspondent Dan reports " 'California firefighters save horse stuck in outdoor bathtub' ... The horse, a regular at the California Poofters Bath House, got stuck in the tub with Lefty who had climbed in to play with his hootum."

Editor's note: Although Lefty is no stranger to being found in a bathtub with a horse, this marks the first time he has been caught with a lesbian mare...California prosecutors are considering charges of animal husbandry violations against Lefty since the horse was subsequently found to be underage and already married to another mare...

More Farm & Ranch articles...