Minimum Wage Hikes Force Bath House To Raise Pay At Hobby Airport...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/12/24/walmart-minimum-wage_n_6376912.html?utm_hp_ref=business

Spurred by the demands of a lesbian powder room attendant, newly hired under the Obama administration's Latin American immigration quota standards, the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium's executive committee governing compensation issues has been forced to raise minimum lesbian wages to a level matching their male counterparts...The complainant, whose name is listed as Latrina from the island nation of Barmaidia, listed her occupation as a bath house knob polisher, but was known to have ties to gay revolutionary organizations...

Her reputation as an agitator surfaced immediately after she learned that male poofter men's room attendants earned 42 cents per hour plus tips, a full four cents more than lesbians performing the same duties in sapphic powder rooms...Defending the pay disparity, senior men's room attendant RHM said his duties were worth the extra money since he was required to wipe the sweat from between his clients' belly fat rolls in addition to keeping their cigars lit on their men's room visits...

Latrina argued that RHM's bath house salary is nothing compared to the wealth he has accumulated from his male lingerie boutique which he operates inside the poofter men's room...She said her clientele decline such finery, preferring instead to dress in male boxer shorts and undershirts when not nude, imitating their idol, professional lesbian oil wrestling champion, Mazola McLeglock...

The dispute was settled by arbitrator and chief towel boy Lefty, following a three-way "conference" behind closed doors between him, Latrina and midget lesbian security guard, Deputy Dumpy Bunny...Lefty announced that a threatened strike was cancelled as committee members agreed to raise lesbian wages to 40 cents while lowering poofter wages to the same amount...

RHM did not protest the change when he learned that IRS agents would no longer audit his tip jar on their frequent bath house visits on the promise of a discounted door fee for federal employees...Meanwhile Lefty changed his Facebook status to indicate he is now dating Latrina, as well as Dumpy Bunny and Ms. McLeglock on alternate Thursdays...

Shown below, part of a multi-agency task force prepares to enter the bath house on a daily unannounced lunchtime compliance inspection...

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Report: HABH&PE ‘Zeroed In’ On Poofters Locker Room Attendant In DeflateGate Investigation...

http://boston.cbslocal.com/2015/01/26/report-nfl-zeroed-in-on-patriots-locker-room-attendant-in-deflategate-investigation/

Sports crime investigators for INTERPOOF, the gay crimes enforcement agency, are said to be "zeroing in" on a suspect in the recent scandal concerning deflated "marital aids" used in the Bath House Olympics semi-finals...Favored contender and perennial champion Lefty called foul when unable to get the correct bounce from his inflatable "date" in the last round of the competition...

Coming from a strong first-place finish in the nude leapfrog competition, Lefty was the odds on favorite to win the Ironman/Rubberwoman Biathlon until it was noticed his rebound technique was out of time, causing him to lose points in this synchronized event...Security camera footage shows an off-duty men's room attendant known only as RHM accepting a Taco Bell sack later found to contain an undetermined amount of cash from two burly individuals wearing raincoats and WNBA caps...

Under questioning, a visibly nervous RHM claimed the money was his change from his lunch delivery from Taco Bell, and the two burly individuals were lesbian students  working their way through college on a basketball scholarship...However, RHM could not immediately explain his recent remittance in full for past due payments on the business loan for his male lingerie boutique from Swifty's All-night Bail Bond, Repo & Payday Loan Co...

RHM could only mutter that "tips were good last week" as INTERPOOF detectives vowed to press their probe into the arrears rising from the scandal...Meanwhile, sports correspondent Dan reports, "Reports are reportedly assistant attendant towel boy Lefty was swiping and selling the poofters' underwear after each game."...

Shown below, the two student suspects are shown celebrating the results of the DNA tests which prove conclusively they are indeed lesbians...

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Pitchers push for more arms in bath house...

http://espn.go.com/mlb/story/_/id/12134017/hall-fame-pitchers-push-more-join-cooperstown

As the new season approaches, talk has increased in the bath houses of America concerning the relative importance of pitchers and catchers in the poofter games...The one thing that all the fans agree on is that the game can only be played if the pitcher has endurance and if his equipment can stand up until the finish...

Taking a cue from his connections in the porn video industry, Coach Lefty of the Hobby Airport Bath House & Sporting Association, has brought in extra arms as fluffers to ensure that the pitching staffs are always up to the task...The Ben-Gay Corporation has underwritten a sponsorship to keep the muscles in those arms free from soreness...

When asked whether the sport was becoming too specialized, unlike the amateur gay sportsmen who rely on their own initiative in keeping a stiff upper lip, Coach Lefty replied, "The days when a utility man like myself could do it all were finished when the professionals took over"...

The coach referred to his own experience in the bush leagues when he was expected to catch as well as pitch, and was required to maintain his own equipment at his own expense...Shown below are the team's lesbian equipment managers making sure the K-Y Jelly supply is kept stirred to the proper temperature...

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Next Marine rotation Down Under to include more lesbos...

http://www.marinecorpstimes.com/story/military/2015/01/24/1st-battalion-4th-marines-headed-to-australia/22189965/

Vice Commodore Lefty (Ret.) of the Mounted Horse Marines has announced changes in the rotation schedule for the next major Marine deployment...When it was made known that the assignment would be "down under," the volunteer list was suddenly filled with every lesbian in the Corps, including some male cross-dressers awaiting their gender reassignment surgeries in the VA Clinic...

Comm. Lefty himself has asked for reinstatement to active duty as an observer in all barracks, nude beach and massage parlor operations in this important military undertaking...Filing his briefs, the Commodore said, "This deployment will demand the strictest attention to detail in assuring these rugmunchers perform their duties in an orderly, proficient military manner, and my vast experience in observing lesbians will be invaluable to the Corps"...

New recruit and former deputy, Dumpy Bunny, assigned to Military Police duties vowed to strictly enforce all military dress codes (including cross-dress codes) by performing on the spot strip searches of all lesbians suspected of padding their portfolios...When asked why she volunteered for this mission, she stated, "Because it's down under, and that's where the action is"...

A former Utah National Guard member, now known only as Father X, will serve as the unit's chaplain and will offer the blessings of St. Britney to all believers, and additionally will closely regulate the issuance of Coors ration cards by sampling random purchases from the base liquor store...

Shown below are some of the sacred religious artifacts entrusted to Chaplain X, and used in the performance of his spiritual duties...

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Kim Jong-un Fails Again...

The North Korean poofter dictator, growing desperate in his attempts to stop worldwide distribution of a parody video exposing his true nature, has enlisted the aid of underworld contacts in some third-world countries to attempt blocking the video...The underhanded move was brought to the attention of an otherwise busy Truckman who, with a quick message to one of his many sources at YouTube, quickly had the video reinstated with apologies...

A source close to Truckman said the powerful publisher merely laughed off Kim Jong-un's latest act of desperation, saying, "Kim is apparently afraid to confront me personally, and uses back-handed moves like this by his faceless toadies against my nieces...He should be more careful as they are not strangers to bitch-slapping a bully"...

The video is again presented below for the entertainment of our readers...If Kim wants to expend any more influence against its presentation, there are plenty of other venues...

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North Korea, Angrily Denying Truckman Attack, Proposes Joint Investigation With U.S...

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/12/21/world/asia/north-korea-denying-sony-attack-proposes-joint-investigation-with-us.html?_r=0

The laughable North Korean dictator, in an effort to throw suspicion off himself, is trying to insert himself into the investigation of his own actions...He may be able to fool FBI and INTERPOOF investigators, but the wily and experienced Truckman easily saw through his subterfuge...

Fresh from his victory over Sony Corporation, he thought all companies would quickly cave in to his bullying tactics...He failed to take into consideration the vast worldwide resources available to Truckman from those eager to return the favors from years gone by...

But Kim Jong-un's biggest mistake was incurring the anger of Truckman's many devoted nieces...A number of them were home from college for the holidays, and instead of working on their winter tans or getting new hair styles and manicures, they decided to open fire against the Korean despot...

Calling him not only an embarrassment to the Asian community, but also the poofters, they called in the studio actors and production crew who were only too happy to participate in a new parody video...As can be easily seen in the video below, Kim should have learned the lessons from other dictators who tried to stand up to Truckman...

Be sure to push the fullscreen button for best viewing...

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Egypt's poofters go deeper underground, fearing crackdown...

http://www.chron.com/news/crime/article/Egypt-s-gays-go-deeper-underground-fearing-5970187.php

Alternative lifestyle correspondent Dan reports, ""Egypt's gays go deeper underground, fearing crackdown" ...Meanwhile, in local Conroe news, Conroe gays go deeper in underwear, checking their crackdown.

"CAIRO (AP) — Just before midnight, the police navigated down the narrow alleys of an old downtown Cairo district and descended on a rundown bathhouse. They dragged out dozens of nearly naked men, who covered their faces as they struggled to hold up towels, and loaded them into police trucks."

Update: The raid was led by Inspector Lefty of INTERPOOF, the international gay crime agency, who reported he served several outstanding warrants...His partner and chief investigator, Special Agent RHM (shown below), is reported to have served cocktails and hors d'ouerves at the reception following arraignment court...

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