Tesla D Is Insane...

http://cleantechnica.com/2014/10/10/tesla-d-insane/

The results of a court-ordered psychiatric examination are in for newly arrived Armenian lesbian masseuse, Tesla D...Tesla's last name cannot be pronounced by Western tongues without developing a severe, permanent stutter, thus she is known by her first name and her room designation where she is employed by the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium...

A mental exam was ordered with noted psychiatrist/proctologist Dr. Tchytz (who is said to cure crazy at both ends) when Tesla began to exhibit signs of emotional imbalance...The first occurrence was when she commented on how handsome and virile-looking a towel boy named Lefty was...

It was first thought that she merely had poor taste in men, but then she commented on how sexy and alluring she found the squeaky, annoying voice of midget, lesbian security guard, Deputy Dumpy Bunny...On hearing this, bath house management ordered a complete psychiatric examination...

In a press release from Chief of Security Big "Tiny" Balsac it was said, "We figured anyone who thinks those two have any appeal at all, has got to be a few bricks short of a load...She's got a million dollar rack, but a 29 cent brain, and Dr. Tchytz's exam confirms it"...

Dr. Tchytz reports that Tesla's dementia is not likely to turn violent as long as she is kept medicated with a strong sedative such as Le Voyager Ⓡ Cabbage Cider or Pinecone Wine, both of which Dr. Tchytz stocks as an exclusive distributor in his Braniff Street Gender Reassignment Clinic & Bait Shop...Towel boy lefty has volunteered to administer the recommended dosage for her to prevent over-medication...

Bath house senior management was pleased with the results, as Tesla has proved to be a valuable employee, especially since she has not completely mastered the US/Armenian currency exchange rate, and accepts her pay in post-dated IOU's...Lefty also helps her make sure her tip jar (shown below) doesn't become over-stuffed which he tells her would be a violation of OSHA safety rules...

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Tesla Ventures Into Solar Power Storage for Home and Massage Parlor...

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/01/business/energy-environment/with-new-factory-tesla-ventures-into-solar-power-storage-for-home-and-business.html?_r=0

Proving that you don't really need to know much English if you understand the business language, Armenian refugee Tesla D, a lesbian masseuse in the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium, has announced through her translator that she is embarking upon an exciting new commercial venture...She has forged an alliance with RHM Industries for the purpose of importing and distributing a line of rechargeable solar batteries for vibrators and other lesbian "entertainment devices"...

Her statement was provided by spokesmodel Lefty of RHM Industries who said, "This babe has a product that will put the Energizer bunny in the dark"...According to Lefty, Tesla began thinking of a solution to power alternatives during the many power outages when the bath house executive board inadvertently forgot to pay the light bill before leaving on their many management seminars at luxury poofter resorts...

Even though Tesla's talented hands and other body parts were always able to finish the job for her lesbian clients, she said her power instruments would have allowed better usage of her time, and Lefty complained that the lack of light caused him to be forced to shut down his observation deck on the other side of the wall where he rented out peephole access by the minute...Using a connection in her native country, she began importing inexpensive, yet good quality, solar batteries in containers marked "secret muslim holy equipment, infidel do not open" in order to expedite customs clearance by Obama administration authorities...

Lefty explained further that the solar batteries are easily recharged by the lesbians when they lay on the nude beach to rest between their activity sessions...RHM Industries became interested when RHM found the batteries also fit the "Anal Intruder" device he sells in his male lingerie boutiques, and he signed on as distributor of the product...

Tesla will not be putting her full name on the product, but instead will use her copyrighted "Tesla D" brand since her Armenian surname cannot be pronounced by western tongues...Spokesmodel Lefty explained that the last westerner who attempted to pronounce her name developed such a severe stutter that she can now only communicate through sign language, but as a consequence of her lip movements, became a popular party guest at lesbian functions...

The innovative young masseuse is also test marketing attachments for her pleasure appliances which will provide some much needed oral hygiene opportunities for her clientele as illustrated below...

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Scientists Find No Evidence of Illegal Alien Life in 100,000 Bath House members...

http://www.morningledger.com/scientists-find-no-evidence-of-alien-life-in-100000-galaxies/139375/

Just returned from his extensive nationwide study of poofter bath houses, Dr. Lefty of the Lesbian Propulsion Laboratory reports conclusive evidence that undocumented homos are being denied entry to traditional gay recreation facilities...In his report, Dr. Lefty apologizes for the circuitous route through which he traveled, but as always he attempts to avoid jurisdictions where he may still be named on any active warrants...

Even so, states the scientist, analysis of his data shows a startling lack of nonnative names on poofter and lesbian bath house membership rolls, while the list of service personnel in these businesses has a more international flavor...As examples, he cites the Hobby Airport locality of his own research facility, where clients' names are distinctly upper-class American, while lower-echelon workers answer to names more common overseas...

To illustrate his point, lesbian powder room attendant Latrina is a political refugee from the bearded lesbian dictator of the island-nation of Barmaidia...Dr. Lefty said he at first couldn't decipher her turndowns of his requests for a date in her native language, but the slaps in his face are understood worldwide...

He lists Armenia as well represented in the worker ranks with doorman Big "Tiny" Balsac, and massage table operator Tesla D...Dr. Lefty further explained that Tesla D's last name cannot be pronounced by western tongues, and yet her own tongue has earned her unprecedented tips from her lesbian clientele, although she cannot offer proof of her residency being legal...

Valet parking garage attendant, Speedo Hardhatter, who was deported from his South American country of Uragay for attempting to import Brazilian wax jobs for poofters without paying the customs duties, also cannot offer proper documentation when asked...Speedo is suspected of conducting his wax business now in the back seats of autos left in his care by poofters as they frolic in gay abandon in the bath house...

However, Dr. Lefty in his guise as a towel boy, reports that homo bath house clients do not speak with an accent when inquiring what happened to their wallets and watches in the locker rooms where he was left in charge...He also claims that his demands for an investigation by the Obama administration into the obvious racial imbalances are not an attempt to divert investigators away from charges against him for locker pilferage...

Pictured below, Vice President Joe Biden accepts the duty of chairman of the Senate Bath House Racial Unification Committee in the waning days of the Obama administration...

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Motorcycle wheel stolen in broad daylight returned to rightful owner in HABHD...

https://www.khou.com/article/life/family/motorcycle-stolen-in-1971-returned-to-rightful-owners-in-houston/285-df9f2fbd-6151-4515-912c-949224f629dd 

A recent daylight theft in the Hobby Airport Bath House District was averted by an alert resident who witnessed the theft...Newcomer Puffy Cravinmore, a beautiful, pixie-like traveler who decided to save some time in her motorcycle journey from Central Texas to a Gulf Coast beach where she might obtain a more even winter tan, unknowingly entered the HABHD hoping to save some time...She then made the mistake of stopping at an intersection on Braniff Street near the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium, an act which knowledgeable motorists avoid due to the high incidence of theft and solicitation from street peddlers...

Before she had even come to a full stop she was approached by Lefty, a local bath house towel boy who offered her a discount coupon for a massage from Armenian lesbian masseuse, Tesla D...Already repelled by Lefty's body odor, Ms. Cravinmore was reaching into her leather jacket for her can of industrial strength Febreze, when Lefty, who thought she was going for a concealed handgun, suddenly backed away...At this time Ms. Cravinmore put her BMW motorcycle into gear, and attempted to ride away when she discovered she couldn't because her rear wheel was missing...

While she was distracted by Lefty's unwanted attention, she was unaware that the thieves in the Hobby Airport area are so well practiced, as well as brazen, they had placed her BMW on a cinder block and made off with the wheel while the bike was still running...Fortunately for her the incident was witnessed by the laconic yet sharp-eyed neighborhood handyman, Gristmill Mikey, a rehabilitated ex-convict who approached her telling her not to worry...Mikey's calming words took some of her fear away from his scary, unusual appearance...At that moment she realized that his only garments were a tool belt, a loincloth made of Harley-Davidson chain links and steel-toed boots...

What she had first taken for antique, engraved leather clothing was actually Mikey's own skin...She also noticed when he scratched his jawline with a steel screwdriver, sparks flew from it...At this moment she realized this may be the toughest man she ever met...He reassured her that what had happened was a common occurrence in the HABHD, and that he could get her wheel returned to her...After loading the rest of her BMW into his Ford diesel pickup, he drove her to the tattoo parlor of his girlfriend, Sidecar Sophie, when he noticed towel boy Lefty trying to peek into her parlor where he knew she often worked in the nude...

Lefty noticed Ms. Cravinmore before he saw Mikey, and immediately asked her for a date...She explained she was already married to another man and two other women, and wasn't interested...At this time Mikey ejected Lefty from the premises, and told Ms. Cravinmore she would be safe there with Sophie while he recovered her property...Inside she met Sophie who was doing a costly tattoo removal procedure on midget lesbian, Deputy Dumpy Bunny...Ms. Bunny had earlier been tattooed with an image of gay comedian Ellen Degeneres, but started the removal process when the celebrity refused to take her phone calls, or answer her insistent letters...Still being on duty, the deputy and part-time night watchperson took Ms. Cravinmore's statement on the theft...

Soon Ms. Cravinmore heard the familiar sound of her BMW approaching, and went outside to see Gristmill Mikey riding up on her motorcycle...Mikey explained that he already knew of a gang of motorcycle thieves recruited by newly arrived Sicilian deportee, Carmine "The Hat" Caponescu, who was kicked out of the Italian Mafia for excessive brutality...The gang had been formed from local juvenile detention school dropouts, and were responsible for a spate of motorcycle parts thefts...But they already knew of the formidable reputation of reformed bad boy Mikey, and at his suggestion, they not only reassembled the BMW, but also detailed and polished it, changed the oil, filled the tank with gas and left a letter of apology taped to the bike's windscreen...

Ms. Cravinmore thanked Mikey profusely, and accepted his advice to find another shortcut to the beach next time, or at least avoid slowing down on Braniff Street...

Pictured below is the remainder of Ms. Cravinmore's motorcycle immediately after her brief, but ill-timed stop in the HABHD...

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