Just returned from his extensive nationwide study of poofter bath houses, Dr. Lefty of the Lesbian Propulsion Laboratory reports conclusive evidence that undocumented homos are being denied entry to traditional gay recreation facilities...In his report, Dr. Lefty apologizes for the circuitous route through which he traveled, but as always he attempts to avoid jurisdictions where he may still be named on any active warrants...
Even so, states the scientist, analysis of his data shows a startling lack of nonnative names on poofter and lesbian bath house membership rolls, while the list of service personnel in these businesses has a more international flavor...As examples, he cites the Hobby Airport locality of his own research facility, where clients' names are distinctly upper-class American, while lower-echelon workers answer to names more common overseas...
To illustrate his point, lesbian powder room attendant Latrina is a political refugee from the bearded lesbian dictator of the island-nation of Barmaidia...Dr. Lefty said he at first couldn't decipher her turndowns of his requests for a date in her native language, but the slaps in his face are understood worldwide...
He lists Armenia as well represented in the worker ranks with doorman Big "Tiny" Balsac, and massage table operator Tesla D...Dr. Lefty further explained that Tesla D's last name cannot be pronounced by western tongues, and yet her own tongue has earned her unprecedented tips from her lesbian clientele, although she cannot offer proof of her residency being legal...
Valet parking garage attendant, Speedo Hardhatter, who was deported from his South American country of Uragay for attempting to import Brazilian wax jobs for poofters without paying the customs duties, also cannot offer proper documentation when asked...Speedo is suspected of conducting his wax business now in the back seats of autos left in his care by poofters as they frolic in gay abandon in the bath house...
However, Dr. Lefty in his guise as a towel boy, reports that homo bath house clients do not speak with an accent when inquiring what happened to their wallets and watches in the locker rooms where he was left in charge...He also claims that his demands for an investigation by the Obama administration into the obvious racial imbalances are not an attempt to divert investigators away from charges against him for locker pilferage...
Pictured below, Vice President Joe Biden accepts the duty of chairman of the Senate Bath House Racial Unification Committee in the waning days of the Obama administration...
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