Russia Ready to Receive French Refund for Undelivered Hot Tub...

http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2015/05/15/world/europe/ap-eu-russia-france-warship.html

Poofter President Putin of Russia is still stinging from the cancellation of delivery of his personal hot tub, as the Russian leader still adjusts to the gay lifestyle he has adopted...Formerly a hetero-only tyrant, he saw the political winds changing, and bent with them to accept the changes and be included among the world powers as a gay despot...

However, he failed to anticipate how his locker room jokes about homos would offend the hard-core rump rangers from the homeland of homosexuality...He happened to mention one day after a soap-dropping session in the UN communal shower room that 75% of all French men were born gay, and the other 25% were sucked into it, then stood stunned at the absolute dead silence in the locker room...

The fun loving Putin then watched as the French delegate, Florian LePoof, stalked angrily away, while realization of his faux pas dawned on him...Returning to his bachelor quarters in the Kremlin, he found a notice that his custom hot tub, ordered from the prestigious Tubs 'R' Us market in Paris had been cancelled, and his refund must first be approved by the French government's gay premiere...

In a quandary over how to fix the problem without losing face among other dictators, he called upon his former towel boy, and now Commissar of Poofter Collectives, the enigmatic Leftovsky...Working through back channels in the maze of diplomatic connections, Leftovsky learned that protocol demanded a public apology and televised BJ's for both Ambassador LePoof and the French Premiere from Putin himself...

Knowing this would be unacceptable to Putin, Leftovsky delved into gay European history at the Library of Poofter Studies in the prestigious Université Paris-Sore Bone, and soon found the precedent he needed...In 18th century France, the lesbian Queen Marie Antoinette and her limp-wristed consort, Louis XVI, were allowed to send substitutes to the guillotine to satisfy the people's blood lust, while they were whisked away to exile in the nude beach principality of Cap de'Agde for life...

A lookalike for Putin, gay pornstar Arnold Swollenpecker, was contracted for the televised event, broadcast on Paris educational television for all grade levels above six, and Swollenpecker got the career boost he needed in the fiercely competitive gay porn industry...As Putin awaits his forthcoming refund check, he demonstrated his manly prowess by leading a bare-chested attack against a Ukrainian lesbian scout camp in his own personal tank, as depicted below...

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French crablice carrier deployed against ISUK in Iran...

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2015/02/23/french-aircraft-carrier/23872267/

Noted French poofter astronaut and former sissyweight contender Florian LePoof  is on his way to Iran to deploy the latest weapon in the arsenal against terrorist organization ISUK...Although ISUK (Islamic State United Kingdom) maintains bases in England, they are known to receive their orders from Iranian Minister of Steamrooms, Ayatollah Leph te Rashitch...

LePoof volunteered for the mission in his attempt to make up for his stinging loss in the ring to ISUK champion, Liqit Youssef on a technicality when LePoof was knocked flat by Youssef's curdled goat cheese breath...LePoof's weapon will be the treatment-resistant crablice with which he was inexplicably infested following a sparring match with sissyweight fighter RHM during which he made unwanted contact with RHM's trainer, Lefty...

Ayatollah Leph te has tried unsuccessfully on humanitarian grounds to abort LePoof's mission granted by a UN issued "special envoy" visa...Leph te has appealed to the highest UN authorities, including Secretary-General Si Yu Moon, who refused to revoke the visa since no other country wants LePoof either...

LePoof has vowed to visit every Iranian bath house in which ISUK cells are known to inhabit as he seeks his vengeance for the lost sissyweight crown...Shown below, Ayatollah Leph te gives his blessing to a devout follower before telling him he is the one chosen to meet LePoof at the airport...

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Europe set to make poofter history with comet landing...

http://www.khaleejtimes.com/kt-article-display-1.asp?section=todaysfeatures&xfile=data/todaysfeatures/2014/November/todaysfeatures_November9.xml

Although theories differ about the origin of poofter bath houses, no one can deny the latest contribution to homo history...The European bath house community is poised to make the first-ever attempt to contact alien poofter life in outer space...

Dr. Lefty of the Lesbian Propulsion Laboratory fills in some background information, "It's well known that some poofter activity is identified through a universal signalling system...For instance, when two fat homos make contact in a darkened shower room after one of them drops his bar of Dove soap, we hear a loud 'Wahooo!' from one of them"...

Dr. Lefty went on to explain that his sensitive Radio Shack listening devices, obtained through a grant from the pawn shop next to Spec's Liquor Store, have for years picked up faint signals indicative of hot tub splashing and locker room pilferage from outer space...Now the European bath house co-op is set to launch the already proven PoofX Drag Queen with former french sissyweight fighter Florian LePoof in command to establish contact with alien poofter life on a dark comet thought to house a rudimentary bath house...

Dr. Lefty explained that Monsieur Lepoof will carry gifts of fresh towels and Hamm's beer to indicate his friendly intentions to any aliens he encounters, and is prepared to probe deeply to establish communications...Honorable Master Lef Ti of China's PF Chang Poofter & Laundry Academy who provided the gift towels through a grant from the Beijing People's Poofter Collective said, "Stinky western homos need towels to mop up mess when alien poofters throw up nasty Hamm's beer"...

Dr. Lefty stated that Master Lef Ti's intentions may have been lost in translation, but he is sure they jointly wish success to this unprecedented advancement in poofter technology...Astronaut LePoof is pictured below in a promotional billboard advertising the mission...

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Iran supreme leader taunts U.S. poofter to fight Islamic State champ...

http://uk.reuters.com/article/2014/09/15/uk-iraq-crisis-france-idUKKBN0HA0F120140915

In a statement clearly designed to raise the ire of senior US bath house officials, radical Islamic poofter, Iranian Minister of Steamrooms, Ayatollah Leph te Rashitch, has challenged American bath house sportsmen to produce a fighter to go up against their new British champion...Iranian born Liqit Youssef was crowned sissyweight champion of the Islamic State United Kingdom (ISUK) last night in a quick decision over french challenger, Florian LePoof...

LePoof cried "foul" at the decision, saying he was momentarily overcome by what he termed as "an unfair advantage"...The ISUK champion is known to consume a ritual lunch of curdled goat cheese and Red Sea sardine sandwiches before every bout, ensuring that his breath also has a knockout punch...

Ayatollah Leph te boasted that all American fighters are weaklings, and no one can stand up to the jihad punch of Liqit Youssef...US poofters quickly fired back an answer, saying that ranked contender RHM can go the distance with any ISUK sissyweight...

Although RHM has had no championship bouts, he has already fought to a standstill in exhibition matches with gay pornstar, Arnold Swollenpecker, and lesbian nude oil wrestler, Mazola Mcleglock...But they say his main advantage is that he lives with his brother Lefty, who is also his trainer/manager, and has been immune all his life to the garbage-dump breath that is said to be Liqit Youssef's "secret weapon"...

In a hastily called press conference, Manager Lefty stated that RHM has the full backing of the prestigious Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium in any match, sanctioned or not...Said Lefty, "My boy will go jihad all over this skinny muslim's butt whether it's in the ring or in a back alley"...

Las Vegas oddsmakers are calling this match an even bet as neither fighter has a punch hard enough to knock over a sick cat...However, bidding is already skyrocketing from concessionaires looking for exclusive rights to sell Febreze and oxygen masks at what is almost certain to be an open-air fight...

In a slap at Manager Lefty's profession as a towel boy, the Ayatollah said he should remember to steal a bath house towel to throw in the ring after Youssef knocks RHM out...Lefty replied that Youssef should try to borrow LePoof's white flag to hang on his pants pole to signal a quick surrender as he enters the ring...

In this unusual bout, the highest priced seats are said to be the ones farthest from the ring, and consequently from the smell...RHM  has been seen at the Taco Bell training table (pictured below) everyday working to get his weight up to the minimum 89 pounds for the sissyweight class...

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