Due to the steadily increasing number of Asian readers of this blog, poofter sports reporter Lefty, on special assignment in Singapore (which conveniently coincided with the statutes of limitation expiration dates on some of his pending misdemeanor trials) filed this report on Fight Night at the Singapore Unisex Bath House & Knob Polishing Emporium...Circumventing the obvious language differences, Lefty enlisted the translation services of Mister Blister, the Asian tag team champions who also provided the blow-by-blow as well as the color commentary for the night's scheduled matches...The main event cage match for the evening pitted challenger "Stump" Fairsex (so named from the mysterious protuberance prominent in the lower part of her ring attire), and the reigning all-Asian champion, "Brickhouse" Lee...
As is well known to sports fans, the popular Mister Blister tag team consists of Hef Ti, a 650 pound mute, Chinese eunuch sumo wrestler who communicates only by single-finger sign language, and Dinki Winki, a midget Japanese oil wrestler, who have become mainstays of the bathhouse sports world in the sport of nude sumo oil wrestling...As guest ring announcers, Dinki Winki calls the blow-by-blow action in his shrill, annoying broken English voice which was taught to him in the English lessons given by the midget lesbian, Deputy Dumpy Bunny, during his confinement in an internment camp near Hobby Airport in Houston by the Biden Administration's mandatory immigration quarantine period...Color commentary is handled by his partner, Hef Ti, using his single finger sign language, a skill at which he is ambidextrous and clearly understood in multiple languages...
The special referee for this night's main event was Rili Huang Min, Red China's Showermaster of the Hanzhob District People's Poofter Collective...RHM, as he is affectionately known in the sports world, insured that all bribes and wagers had been completed in accordance with international rules before signaling the fighters to approach the center of the ring for final instructions...The mandatory search of the contestants for weapons was waived when both lesbian fighters threatened to neuter RHM if he moved toward them...Hef Ti was seen to physically cringe in response to this joint announcement from the competitors...
At the opening bell, both fighters disrobed down to G-strings emblazoned with the names of their sponsors, Cellblock 13 Jockstraps for "Stump" Fairsex and Summer's Eve Feminine Wash for "Brickhouse" Lee...The scheduled 3 round bout was called to an end early by the competitors' refusal to respond to the repeated chant of "69 baby" repeatedly started by reporter Lefty from ringside who apparently was unfamiliar with the international rules in effect governing obscene encouragement from the outside...The match was then declared a draw by ring official RHM, followed by booing from the angry onlookers...Before the onlookers could begin to riot however, reigning champion "Brickhouse" Lee grabbed the microphone from Lefty and announced her retirement from the sport and declared "Stump" Fairsex as the new Lesboweight Champion...
Following her announcement, she presented the symbolic iron chastity belt to her opponent to the tumultuous approval of the crowd...Handing the mic to the stunned Ms. Fairsex for her acceptance speech, another cheer went up from the crowd when "Stump" jerked Lefty to the center of the ring, stripped him down to his thong underwear and fastened the chastity belt around his middle..."Stump" then announced to the audience that during the preliminaries Lefty had repeatedly asked her if she swallowed...After making sure the chastity belt was securely locked on Lefty's groin, she announced, "Yes, I do swallow!" and promptly swallowed the only known key...
Shown below, "Stump" makes a slight package adjustment on her walk to the weigh in press conference...
