If new evidence proves acceptable to science, the history of poofters and their culture may have to be re-written...Professor Lefty of the Institute for Advanced Lesbian Studies has uncovered important new findings at the dig site of an ancient bath house buried under the sands of Egypt...
Prof. Lefty explains, "Barley above all other grains has proven a staple in the diets of poofters in modern times, but was curiously absent in recipes and menus we found carved in stone in the pyramids and temples of Egypt"...The professor went on to say that early barley crops were commandeered by an Egyptian towel boy turned pirate who attempted to corner the market during the dynasty of Pharoah RutenTuten...
It was found that the lowly towel boy, whose name was Igoleft the Lesser, obtained the secret recipe for a golden nectar from a master brewer in a dice game, using dice which for unknown reasons would only roll "sevens"...Igoleft, and his sissy brother Ramses Hannu Menhet (or simply RHM), escaped the Nile Valley and built a brewery in Lower Mesopotamia using purloined barley crops captured with his fleet of Phoenician pirate ships...
Centuries later when the reign of the descendants of Igoleft the Lesser was defeated by an army of ferocious, vengeful lesbians, barley regained its place in the world market, and poofters began to prosper due to their renewed diet...As a sidenote to history, the brew, which was said to be the true nectar of the gods, was passed down from brewer to brewer, and due to poor translations, substitute ingredients and inferior barley crops, became an almost undrinkable beverage known today as Hamm's Beer, oddly a universal favorite drink of towel boys everywhere...
Professor Lefty further states that his findings are open to inspection and interpretation by other scholars of his rank, but he believes he has stumbled upon a major cornerstone in homo history...He and his lesbian research team, headed by Dr. Mazola McLeglock are currently involved in recreating an ancient scroll depicting a series of romantic positions the practice of which may have resulted in the beginning of the chiropractic profession...
Pictured below are the three famed explorers who originally discovered the tomb of Pharaoh RutenTuten, and later in life were said to be cursed with careers as underpaid slapstick comedians in the early film industry...
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