Cuba Announces Direct Poofter Connections With U.S...

http://www.nbcnews.com/news/latino/cuba-announces-direct-telephone-connections-u-s-n321751

Longing for the days of his grandfathers when gay mafia members could meet openly with corrupt homo government and business officials in the bath houses of Havana, Cuban poofter exile Chico Piñata has been working behind the scenes to return to those days of glory...On a visit to Houston to ask support from lesbian Mayor Annise Parker, Piñata found help in an unexpected place...

He had stopped in at the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium before his flight back to Miami, and after his hot tub session was unable to locate his Casio watch in his rented locker...A helpful towel boy named Lefty offered to sell him an identical watch he happened to be wearing, and during the negotiations mentioned a distant cousin named Leftito who works in the Hugo Chavez Memorial Poofter Collective in Havana...

The towel boy said Leftito regularly sends him almost unsmoked cigars and videos of the popular Cuban donkey training sport through an undisclosed FedEx International employee...Lefty offered to set up a meeting in return for dropping any pending charges of locker pilferage...

Working with the office of the UN Ambassador for Poofter Relations, Piñata has reached a tentative agreement with El Presidente Raúl Castro, for whom Leftito is also employed as his personal laundry boy...The agreement calls for a limited poofter exchange program beginning with a state visit to the Hobby Airport bath house district by Castro and Leftito followed by a tour of the lesbian entertainment venues in Havana by oil wrestler Mazola McLeglock and her personal bodyguard, midget lesbian Deputy Dumpy Bunny...

Ms. McLeglock is said to be keenly interested in learning the sport of donkey training...Assistance has been promised by President Obama, seen below in a meeting with representatives from the Federal Detention & Corrections Department...

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U.S. Licenses Fairy Service to Operate Cuba Route...

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/06/world/americas/us-licenses-ferry-service-to-operate-cuba-route.html?_r=1

The gradual widening of poofter relations between the governments of Cuba and the United states took a giant step as the first licensed fairy service was launched from Key West, Florida to the port of Havana...Previously vacationing poofters had to use the roundabout method of slow Caribbean banana boats, or take their chances with the speedy cigar smugglers in order to visit the bath houses of Havana...

The efforts of Cuban exile Chico Piñata finally paid off as the Obama administration okayed the first legal fairy service to the island in decades, following the President's successful hot tub summit with gay Cuban dictator, Raúl Castro...Piñata will operate the charter service as a reward for his long-time efforts and also his bribes to the Democrat representatives in South Florida...

The show schedule for the popular Cuban sport of donkey training has been expanded to three events daily, and a pari-mutuel betting window has opened at the arena between the cigar stand and the rum fountains...Plans for the dog racing track have been suspended as the only dogs left on the island continue to attempt outrunning the street taco vendors in search of ingredients...

Militant lesbian political refugee, Latrina, having escaped from the neighboring island-nation of Barmaidia is not happy with the changes as she believes it will lead to the legitimization of the despotic lesbian dictator regime which continues to rule her homeland...Shown below is the bearded lesbian dictator from whose slavery Latrina managed to escape...

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FOOFA President Seepy Bladder stuns poofter world, saying he will resign...

http://www.latimes.com/sports/sportsnow/la-sp-sepp-blatter-to-resign-20150602-story.html

The poofter sports world met surprise today as their governing body, FOOFA, announced the resignation of its recently re-elected president, Seepy Bladder, in the face of of a new corruption investigation...INTERPOOF, the gay crimes investigative agency, has assigned Inspector Lefty to the case, and he says he will get to the bottom of it if he has to question every lesbian stripper in the area...twice...

After beginning his investigation with his usual canvassing of topless bars in the Hobby Airport vicinity, Inspector Lefty widened his search area by interviewing the coach of the lesbian Olympic team, Mazola McLeglock, who was conducting a training session for the nude leapfrog mixed doubles hopefuls...His investigation was hampered somewhat when he was whacked behind the knees with a nightstick by security guard, Deputy Dumpy Bunny, who observed him peeping through a window in the lesbian shower room of the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium...

He explained to the deputy that he was gathering evidence, then showed her his credentials, zipped back up, and was freed to go with a warning...After receiving information from an anonymous informant, RHM, that Bladder had been observed in the bath house, Inspector Lefty gained entrance to the poofter-only hot tub area...

Not having an accurate description of the Belgian poofter, Seepy Bladder, Inspector Lefty inquired of Hot Tub Temperature Manager, Chico Piñata (here on an exchange towel boy work visa from the Obama Administration), and was told to look for Bladder's trademark yellow-tinged hot tub water...Bladder informed Inspector Lefty that his diplomatic status was still in effect, and he had immunity from any questioning, and from any mandatory tipping in the poofter locker room...

The irritated Inspector was forced to let Bladder go, but before leaving noticed his tubmate, who was wearing a fedora hat pulled down over his eyes, seemed very suspicious...Back at INTERPOOF headquarters, he identified the suspect as Norwegian poofter fugitive, Ifar Toften, from his wanted posters...

At press time, Inspector Lefty was checking the exchange rate between reward dollars and Norwegian standard bribes before applying for a warrant...Shown below in an INTERPOOF surveillance photo, Ifar Toften frolics with two crossdressers in the Obama-mandated transgender hot tub...

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Airbnb Available In Cuba For American Poofters...

http://www.nbcnews.com/news/latino/airbnb-now-available-cuba-n334511

A popular service for poofter travelers is now available for Cuban destinations...Airbnb has become famous for its name, meaning it offers "airfare, beer 'n' a blow" for those international and domestic tourists wanting assurance their travel packages will be handled to their satisfaction...

The recent opening of diplomatic exchanges between UN Ambassador for Poofter Relations Lefty and the Cuban government has caused relaxation in the tensions between the US and Cuba...President Obama and Cuban dictator Raúl Castro have both expressed a desire to share a hot tub to discuss differences...

Castro's personal laundry boy, Chico Piñata, has agreed to serve as towel boy for the historic meeting...Meanwhile Airbnb has announced the addition of the Hugo Chavez Memorial Poofter Collective in Havana to its travel itinerary...

Although primitive in comparison to free world bath houses, the Havana destination is constantly looking for ways to improve service and attract new poofter partygoers and their money...For example, homo vacationers may enjoy a handrolled Cuban cigar as an alternative to the standard bath house favorite, El Producto... 

Bar service will include the standard Hamm's beer as well as genuine Cuban rum while poofters enjoy performances of the popular Cuban sport of donkey training on closed-circuit television...Airbnb regrets to announce that equivalent service for lesbians is unavailable for Cuban destinations as females are considered suitable only for domestic and entertainment purposes under the Castro regime...

Pictured below is one of the sport donkeys specially bred and trained for the difficult "rocker dismount"...

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Obama holds historic hot tub meeting with Cuba's Castro, pledges to 'turn the page'...

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2015/04/11/obama-makes-further-attempts-to-closen-ties-with-cuba-still-undecided-about/

As predicted here first by LeftyInTheNews, the historic hot tub meeting between poofter leaders, Barack Obama and Cuban dictator Raúl Castro, has taken place and both are pleased with the outcome...The event was hosted at Havana's Hugo Chavez Memorial Poofter Collective in the "El Presidente" suite of the famous bath house, once the scene of deal brokering between Mafia members, the Kennedy family and many Caribbean leaders...

As also forecast here, Castro's personal laundry boy, Leftito, served as towel boy for both, bringing fresh towels as needed, picking up dropped soap bars, and ferrying gifts between the two including hand-rolled cigars and marijuana joints in addition to ice-cold Hamm's beer and Cuban rum...Looking on with pride was Cuban exile Chico Piñata who had been working behind the scenes for decades to restore Cuban poofter life to its glory days...

Accompanying first lady Michelle Obama was retired nude lesbian oil wrestling champion Mazola McLeglock together with her midget lesbian bodyguard, former deputy Dumpy Bunny...Ms. McLeglock had expressed interest in gathering information concerning the exciting sport of donkey training, long a favored pastime among well-heeled Cuban poofters, and Mrs. Obama pledged her efforts to bring an exhibition team to the US...

Emerging from the hot tub suite, both presidents acknowledged that the customary exchange of BJ's had taken place, ushering in a new era of international poofter relations...Leftito was said to be very pleased when he heard several loud "clinks" as Obama passed by his tip jar, but was less than thrilled to find nothing but some campaign buttons from the President's last run for office, and some souvenir matchbooks from the Oval Office...

President Obama then made the official invitation to President Castro to visit the White House for a session of "bending over a few pages," a tradition learned from his career in the Senate...Pictured below, Leftito adds up his profits from the meeting after returning from the presidential locker room where their pants were stored...

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