Conroe social news - engagement...

Social event correspondent Dan reports, "At a swank party at the Motel 6 the guests came in full-dress, unfortunately Lefty's dress got caught in the toilet seat and caused him to download. All the Conroe poofters were in attendance at this party in which Lefty announced his engagement. The bride-to-be, Prunella Pinchloaf, wore the new 'Designer Depends'. Best man Mayor Parker wore loggers shoes and a jock-strap. After the wedding the couple plans to live in Patton Village where Lefty runs the towel concession at the municipal bath house and pay-toilet."

Update: Unfortunately the wedding party ended at the Conroe jail where Lefty was taken for groping the lesbian waitress:

http://www.aol.com/article/2014/09/02/wedding-brawl-in-pittsburgh-after-groom-allegedly-gropes-pregnan/20955631/

A Precinct 0 lesbian deputy constable was also arrested after being found under the bridal gown...In her statement the midget deputy claimed to have been hired by the wedding planner, RHM, to hold up the gown's train, and she mistakenly thought she was supposed to "pull a train" with the groomsmen...

Mayor Parker avoided being charged in the melee after being observed hiding three cucumbers from the wedding buffet table in her purse by claiming diplomatic immunity...

The deputy is shown below in a publicity still from her off-duty job as a pole-polisher at the New Caney House of Horizontal Refreshment...

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Sex Toy Stuck In Woman's Vagina For 10 YEARS (PHOTO)...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/24/sex-toy-stuck-womans-vagina-10-years_n_5617590.html

While doing routine maintenance on Hobby Airport resident, Prunella Pinchloaf, Dr. Tchytz of the Braniff Street Gender Reassignment Clinic & Bait Shop noticed something unusual in the woman's vagina while searching for his dropped flashlight...The "lady" had apparently mislaid a sex toy during a drunken orgy at the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium ten years ago, and had forgotten about it...

Said the relieved Ms. Pinchloaf, "I had reported it stolen to my insurance company...Does this mean I has to give back the money they done paid me?"...

Dr. Tchytz commented, "I not only found my flashlight, but also a Timex watch and a chili burrito still in the wrapper...Lucky me!"...

His/her current boyfriend, Lefty, had this to say, "There was still plenty of room in there for me to do what was needed...I never even noticed"...

When asked how she determined it had been in there for ten years since details of that part of her life are hazy, Ms. Pinchloaf answered, "I've still got the dated receipt when I rented it from RHM's Male Lingerie and Adult Toy Boutique...I hope this means I can get my deposit back now"...

A spokesman for RHM declined comment...Shown below, Dr. Tchytz and his team prepare for removal of the foreign object...

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Underwear-clad woman accused of attacking neighbor, burglarizing home...

http://www.yourhoustonnews.com/courier/news/underwear-clad-woman-accused-of-attacking-neighbor-burglarizing-home/article_99b4601d-3313-5882-8ea1-0b1641e99dbd.html

The woman, tentatively identified as Splendora resident Prunella Pinchloaf, could not immediately explain why the underwear she had on were not her own, but were a pair of Hanes economy briefs reported stolen by Lefty and a training bra reported missing by his brother, RHM...Neither poofter could be reached for comment...

"She allegedly entered the home dressed only in a bra and panties and entered the bathroom, where she proceeded to shave her pubic area, said Fitzgerald...."

She insisted that the shaving was a prescribed treatment by Dr. Tchytz of the Hobby Airport Gender Reassignment Clinic & Bait Shop for a particularly stubborn case of pubic scorpions she contracted following a date with Lefty...

Seen below is Ms. Pinchloaf following her release from the Hobby Airport Jail after posting bond...She is wearing a jail-issued muumuu in a lesbo print...

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Lefty's girlfriend arrested for alleged theft from Walmart...

http://www.yourhoustonnews.com/courier/news/conroe-woman-arrested-for-alleged-theft-from-walmart/article_dd118eb3-62f3-5d9e-83d4-6e3a9ba2b6cd.html

Lefty's long-time Conroe girlfriend, Prunella Pinchloaf, has been arrested in WalMart for allegedly shoplifting 14 packages of Charmin Jumbo Ultra concealed between rolls of fat...Ms. Pinchloaf explained to arresting officers, "My welfare check only goes so far and Lefty uses at least eight rolls of Charmin every day...It's hard for a working girl to make ends meet without stealing"...

Calls to Lefty at the local bath house were not returned...Non-deductible contributions for Ms. Pinchloaf's bail may be left at Swifty's All Night Bail Bond & Repo Service...

Seen below is Ms. Pinchloaf's mug shot, of which she ordered extra prints since it was so flattering...

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Lefty's girlfriend gets refund...

http://abclocal.go.com/wls/story?section=news/bizarre&id=9076738

Lefty's new girlfriend, Prunella Pinchloaf, has been given a refund from a local tanning salon when it was found she was too fat to fit into the tanning bed...Said Prunella, "I thought since I could squeeze through their front door, then I should be able to fit on the bed...It's really deceptive advertising"...

More Consumer & Shopping articles...

Lefty celebrates Earth Day...

http://www.recordnet.com/article/20140825/News/140829545

After hearing of all the unwashed, unshaven hippie women who are involved in the Earth Day festivities, Lefty figured he would fit right in since his normal condition is unwashed and unshaven, as well as unwiped...Arriving on the scene of the gathering, Lefty noticed that most of the hippie ladies had even bushier hair than he did...

Fortunately Lefty always packs his merkin in his emergency travel kit, and he quickly attached it with Gorilla Glue...Unfortunately, it covered so much of his appendage, he was mistaken for "just one of the girls" by the lesbian contingent at the festival...

One of the celebrants, Prunella Pinchloaf, tapped Lefty for the strap-on demonstration, and since he was already wearing the traditional rubber ball gag and fur-lined handcuffs, he was unable to voice his protest...

Shortly after, RHM was sent to restock the emergency travel kit with industrial strength Preparation H...Lefty is pictured below recovering from the celebration...

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