North Korea’s Kim Jong-Un just had incredible fun times on a goat farm...

http://metro.co.uk/2015/05/11/north-koreas-kim-jong-un-just-had-incredible-fun-times-on-a-farm-5192276/

Noting the interest taken in goat husbandry by other Asian poofter leaders, North Korea's Kim Jong-un has taken it upon himself to investigate the phenomenon by visiting the goat worship campus of Hindu holy man, Rama Lambda Ernest, in the tranquil hills of Gonzales County...Joining Kim in the pursuit of higher education was his colleague, Honorable Master Lef Ti of China's PF Chang Poofter & Laundry Academy...

The meeting began with an exchange of gifts as Rama Lambda Ernest offered the two orientals a tray of chili burritos made exclusively with vegetarian chili since Ernest observes strict Hindu dietary laws by not consuming meat...Kim and Lef Ti then offered Ernest a version of Hamm's beer brewed under license in Pyongyang from a revised formula including rice and recycled rickshaw tires since the more traditional ingredients are in short supply in North Korea...

Rama Lambda Ernest expressed his gratitude since the only liquid refreshment he had on hand was a large supply of Coors left over from an interfaith conference with Father X of the Temple of Our Lady of Diminished Virginity who left it behind as he always traveled with a tap-equipped tanker truck...Kim and Lef Ti seemed confused about Ernest's non-meat diet as they had been told of a method developed by the Hindu holy man for tenderizing even the toughest meat...

Ernest said the method was actually a part of his nightly religious ceremony in which he expresses his special love for his goat herd, after which even the rowdiest animal becomes a tender companion content to sleep peacefully at his side...After the demonstration the two Asians agreed this is a side of animal affection they had never considered, and promised to introduce it to the Asian bath house community...

Rama Lambda Ernest expressed his concern over stories of alleged cruelty toward Korean goat herds by Kim's uncle and military defense chief...Kim assured Ernest that the matter was no longer a worry as his uncle had been accidentally executed by anti-aircraft fire during a training exercise by the North Korean air force (pictured below)...

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Tragedy in Gonzales County...

200 sheep dead in Oregon trailer crash

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2014/06/13/200-sheep-dead-in-oregon-trailer-crash/

In a tragedy of unheard of proportions, the annual June mass wedding on the courthouse steps led by the Reverend Ernest has been cancelled as all 200 of the mail order brides have died in a tragic accident on their way to their nuptials from Oregon...Director Lefty of the federally funded Sheep And Goat Love Organization (SAGLO) has dispatched grief counselors for the distraught grooms...

As this was to be Reverend Ernest's main income for the year, he has applied to the Obama administration for disaster relief funds...

Below in a publicity still from Reverend Ernest's website, a bride and her bridesmaids prepare for the happy event...

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Iran's famous bathhouses are disappearing...

http://mashable.com/2015/04/03/irans-famous-bathhouses-disappearing/

Iran's Minister of Steamrooms, the Ayatollah Leph te Rashitch, is blaming Western decadence and American influence for the diminishing numbers of bath houses available for use by Iranian poofters...Leph te fondly recalls the days when he could choose from throngs of young men eager to learn the time-honored trade of towel boy, now saying, "The only new students want to learn locker pilferage and hiding their own tip jars"...

Leph te is said to have come up through the ranks as an apprentice towel boy, and learning the secrets of men's room attendancy at the feet of Grand Caliph RHM before assuming his present position of power in a coup which toppled his mentor, the Grand Caliph...Leveling charges of "infidel" at his former master for advocating new gay colors in turbans and towels, Ayatollah Leph te caused the disgraced RHM to be banished to the laundry room of the Tehran Poofter Palace as a towel folder...

It is thought that Leph te has dismissed the idea of any possible return of RHM to a position of influence, and has concentrated on growing his power base through an alliance with the radical Islamic State United Kingdom (ISUK)...Meanwhile rumors continue to surface of a connection between RHM's progressive ideas and a Hindu goat-whisperer named Rama Lambda Ernest...

The decline in the number of poofter bath houses in Iran may signal a rise in a hybrid religion combining the beliefs of Grand Caliph RHM and the reclusive Rama Lambda...Traditional Iranian bath house clients are known to be dissatisfied with the level of service in what was once the opulent lifestyle of Tehran homos, and many are calling for a change in leadership and direction...

Religious analysts say the possible hybrid religion has yet to take its final form or name as practicing poofters and traditional goat-worshipers try to work out the details of the alliance...Calls to Rama Lambda Ernest's Gonzales County ranch and temple have not been returned, and neither confirmation nor denial has been offered of the planned merger...

Sources close to the goat-whisperer say that although Ernest is a man of peace and tranquility, he does demand obedience from his followers and maintains a level of dominance in their beliefs...Shown below in one of the few known photographs of him, the Rama Lambda cautions silence to two of his young charges about their secret nocturnal rituals...

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US bath house industry cheers China IT trade deal progress...

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/tech/tech-news/US-tech-industry-cheers-China-IT-trade-deal-progress/articleshow/45124505.cms  

Cheers went up from all sides as President Obama and Ambassador Lefty announced that agreement was reached with China's Minister of Laundry, Hu Flung Dung, concerning the touchy subject of IT (Imported Towels)...The international poofter community has always agreed that the finest towels must be imported from Sweden where the IKEA textile mills blend the best hand picked Egyptian cotton with wool from contented goats tended by a renowned goat whisperer known only as Ernest...

Not to be outdone, the Norwegian poofter contingent has announced a hostile bid to take over the high-end serviette industry by enlisting longtime fugitive, and best-selling author, Ifar Toften to represent their interests at the bargaining table...Although INTERPOOF, the gay crimes investigative agency, has warrants issued for Mr. Toften's arrest throughout the civilized world, he has managed to elude capture by bribery or influence, and even diplomatic immunity as a credentialed diplomat representing the Norwegian bath house industry...

Ambassador Lefty was selected to speak for the American poofter community due to his well chosen words and ability to speak with diplomacy, "This flaming homo, Toften, might as well be wagging his pecker at the rest of the world to think he can get away with grabbing up the best towel contracts...There are a lot of bribes riding on this business, and I'm not giving back a nickel of it"...

President Obama is enjoying the new alliances he made in the Beijing hot tubs, and has pledged his cooperation with any lame-duck executive orders that are paid for in cash...China's Minister of Laundry said, "Stinky Scandinavian poofter think he smart guy...We put him to work in Chinese labor camp...Him see"...

But as sabres are rattled and threats are exchanged across oceans, the key to settlement of the dispute may lay with a simple goat whisperer named Ernest who tends the herds which yield the wool for the towel mills...Since his conversion to Hinduism at the Gonzales County Temple, he seeks only peace through non-violence and his unique animal husbandry practices...

Scholars and philosophers are in debate as to the underlying meaning of his words when told of the international conflict, "Someone bring me and Sweet Thang another cold Corona"...Now known as Rama Lamba Ernest, the goatherder is shown below in his earlier days as a beauty contest judge...

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Consolidation results in savings for bath house, more work for fewer people...

http://www.uticaod.com/article/20150324/NEWS/150329732

As expected, the board of directors of the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium, in an effort to cut costs further, have consolidated another two jobs into one...The remodeling and other improvements made to the board's conference room have forced them to look for budget cuts wherever possible...

This time the separate positions of poofter cloak room attendant and lesbian strap-on storage room custodian have been consolidated into a transgendered unisex hatcheck person position...The job was soon filled by Fedora "Butch" Jenner who is waiting his/her turn in Dr. Tchytz's Braniff Street Gender Reassignment Clinic & Bait Shop for "transformation" after Butch's more famous uncle/aunt and reality TV star...

Butch is in no hurry as his/her final selection of gender has not yet been made from Dr. Tchytz's catalog...In the meantime Butch will take advantage of the hatcheck position's tip jar to offset the cost of the upcoming surgery, whichever way it goes...

The bath house board of directors is also pleased as the savings in salaries will allow them to upgrade their conference seating from Corinthian leather to the finest angora goat wool...Negotiations are underway with Gonzales County Hindu goat whisperer, Rama Lambda Ernest, to obtain freshly sheared wool from his most contented goats...

Shown below, goat whisperer Ernest chooses tonight's lucky recipient of his special love...

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Obama meets Suk Yui, prods Burma on erections...

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2014/11/14/obama-reforms-burma/19012941/

President Obama, again showing his diplomatic ineptitude, has aroused the anger of yet another nation on his worldwide "good will" tour...Even after being thoroughly briefed (using Jockey briefs made in Sri Lanka) by UN Ambassador for Poofter Relations Lefty, the President committed a serious breach of protocol during his "hot tub summit" with Burmese President Suk Yui...

Obama began the meeting with a misstep when he tried to enter Suk Yui's presidential hot tub while still wearing his bulletproof towel, but quickly handed it to a Secret Service agent, explaining that he was reluctant to embarrass the Burmese leader by encouraging a comparison of their equipment differences in the press...That faux pas was politely passed over by Suk Yui, but what occurred next could not be easily ignored...

President Obama was unfamiliar with the Hindu practice of allowing animals into poofter hot tubs during the "blessing of the waters" ceremony, and when Suk Yui led the nation's sacred goat (also named Burma) into the tub, the obviously excited American leader began to prod the surprised goat who quickly jumped out of the tub...Obama, realizing his serious error in protocol, tried to explain to the enraged Suk Yui that he was merely trying to help the goat to a seat in the tub, but the damage was done, and the meeting was quickly called off...

Suk Yui later issued a press statement saying, "President Obama thinks he can screw our sacred goats just like he does the American taxpayer!"...Ambassador Lefty sent a gift basket of Dove soap and IKEA towels to the Burmese presidential palace later, and scheduled a luncheon with Suk Yui over a sack of Taco Bell vegetarian burritos and a sixer of Hamm's beer, but said privately that Mr. Obama had "really stepped in it this time"...

Ambassador Lefty told reporters later that even his skill and long time experience in poofter diplomacy had failed him and he was forced to call in the one man in the world who might be able to smooth over this difficulty...Asian peace hopes now hang on whether the revered Hindu philosopher, Rama Lamba Ernest, can be coaxed from his tranquil hills in Gonzales County to settle the dispute in a peaceful manner...

Shown below, President Obama has ordered a fleet of C-17 cargo planes to stand by ready to transport Rama Lamba Ernest and his entire flock of goats to Burma in an attempt to avert the crisis...

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Denmark Seeks to Ban Bestiality...

http://newswire.net/newsroom/news/00085531-denmark-seeks-to-ban-bestiality.html

In a move certain to raise the ire of liberal activists, Denmark is poised to ban all bestiality activities even within the confines of marriage...One case in particular which promises to be high-profile is that of Norwegian poofter fugitive, Ifar Toften...

Mr. Toften moved from Norway to Denmark not only for its lenient extradition treaties, but because of its relaxed policies concerning his recent marriage to a Danish goat...Adding to the complications is the fact that the goat is linked to its Siamese twin through a common rear leg...

Mr. Toften, speaking though his attorney, Mr. C. N. Spitt, Esq., said the twin to whom he is not married also faces extradition to its native Siam on charges of leash law violations...Mr. Spitt said, "In the interests of justice, the Danish bestiality ban must be struck down until all extradition difficulties can be ironed out...Do any of you reporters happen to have a drink on you?"...

Mr. Toften hopes to solve all the trouble by marrying the other goat also, if he can get a waiver from the Danish court to get around the bigamy statutes...Mr. Spitt explained that although Denmark not only allows, but encourages marriage between genders and/or species, they currently forbid multiple spouses to prevent confusion for the children...

In this matter, Mr. Toften has enlisted the help of a shadowy religious figure known only as "Father X," a former minor government official from Utah who was forced to retire over a scandal concerning counterfeit Coors beer ration cards used at state controlled liquor stores...Father X has since joined the Temple of Our Lady of Diminished Virginity, and formed his own sect in the Moab Desert with Sister Britney and his many other wives under the sanction of Bishop Lefty...

Father X has offered to travel to Denmark to perform the ceremony for his expenses and a personal guided tour of all the Danish breweries...Speaking through their translator, an itinerant goat-whisperer known only as Ernest, the siamesed goats, who are in fact brother and sister, have expressed their delight in the upcoming nuptials...

Bidding is underway for video rights to the wedding and subsequent honeymoon...Shown below, the bride is being fitted for his/her wedding trousseau...

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China slams 'futile' Philistine occupation of disputed bath house...

http://www.reuters.com/article/2015/05/12/us-southchinasea-philippines-china-idUSKBN0NX14F20150512

In a sabre-rattling show of power, Director Hu Flung Dung of China's Ministry of Laundry, reputed by some to be the "most powerful poofter in the world," has thrown down the gauntlet (as well as his thong) over the latest incursion into China's sovereignty as muslim homo extremists sent by Iran's Minister of Steamrooms, Ayatollah Leph te Rashitch, now occupy a remote bath house claimed by both nations...Referring to the jihadist invaders as "Philistines," in an obvious attempt to enrage Leph te, Director Dung has sent a stern warning to the Iranians saying, "Stinky bedouins no belong there! Must leave now!"...

Replying to the threat through the UN Department of Poofter Relations, Leph te announced that the disputed bath house was in the possession of members of Islamic State United Kingdom (ISUK) who have vowed occupation at least until the El Producto cigar supply is exhausted...The contested bath house is located on a remote island in the South China Sea, far from territories normally associated with islamic poofters...

Leph te claims ISUK's occupancy is legitimate because of a small herd of goats brought there centuries ago by Iranian explorers, and now tended by a lone goatherder...Director Dung challenged the Iranian claims by pointing out that the goatherder converted to Hinduism after a prolonged visit by the leader of an obscure Hindu sect named Rama Lambda Ernest, who demonstrated the advantages of his special form of goat worship...

As tempers continue to flare, and fumes continue to rise from the jihadists due to their strict diet of Red Sea sardine and curdled goat cheese sandwiches, world poofter leaders are expecting President Obama to send UN Ambassador for Poofter Relations Lefty in an attempt to settle the dispute peacefully...Speaking from his office in the UN, Ambassador Lefty said, "All these homos ever want is more Dove soap bars to drop, and Hamm's beer to wash down those sandwiches, and they expect the American taxpayers to foot the bill"...

Sources close to President Obama say he has issued orders from the oval hot tub to have two Air Force C-17's loaded with Dove soap, Hamms's beer, El Producto cigars and fresh towels standing by to leave as soon as Ambassador Lefty packs his suitcase and gets his ankle monitor re-programmed...Shown below is the ambassador's office door in the UN building where he is expected to emerge shortly for his journey...

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