In a move certain to raise the ire of liberal activists, Denmark is poised to ban all bestiality activities even within the confines of marriage...One case in particular which promises to be high-profile is that of Norwegian poofter fugitive, Ifar Toften...
Mr. Toften moved from Norway to Denmark not only for its lenient extradition treaties, but because of its relaxed policies concerning his recent marriage to a Danish goat...Adding to the complications is the fact that the goat is linked to its Siamese twin through a common rear leg...
Mr. Toften, speaking though his attorney, Mr. C. N. Spitt, Esq., said the twin to whom he is not married also faces extradition to its native Siam on charges of leash law violations...Mr. Spitt said, "In the interests of justice, the Danish bestiality ban must be struck down until all extradition difficulties can be ironed out...Do any of you reporters happen to have a drink on you?"...
Mr. Toften hopes to solve all the trouble by marrying the other goat also, if he can get a waiver from the Danish court to get around the bigamy statutes...Mr. Spitt explained that although Denmark not only allows, but encourages marriage between genders and/or species, they currently forbid multiple spouses to prevent confusion for the children...
In this matter, Mr. Toften has enlisted the help of a shadowy religious figure known only as "Father X," a former minor government official from Utah who was forced to retire over a scandal concerning counterfeit Coors beer ration cards used at state controlled liquor stores...Father X has since joined the Temple of Our Lady of Diminished Virginity, and formed his own sect in the Moab Desert with Sister Britney and his many other wives under the sanction of Bishop Lefty...
Father X has offered to travel to Denmark to perform the ceremony for his expenses and a personal guided tour of all the Danish breweries...Speaking through their translator, an itinerant goat-whisperer known only as Ernest, the siamesed goats, who are in fact brother and sister, have expressed their delight in the upcoming nuptials...
Bidding is underway for video rights to the wedding and subsequent honeymoon...Shown below, the bride is being fitted for his/her wedding trousseau...
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