Cheers went up from all sides as President Obama and Ambassador Lefty announced that agreement was reached with China's Minister of Laundry, Hu Flung Dung, concerning the touchy subject of IT (Imported Towels)...The international poofter community has always agreed that the finest towels must be imported from Sweden where the IKEA textile mills blend the best hand picked Egyptian cotton with wool from contented goats tended by a renowned goat whisperer known only as Ernest...
Not to be outdone, the Norwegian poofter contingent has announced a hostile bid to take over the high-end serviette industry by enlisting longtime fugitive, and best-selling author, Ifar Toften to represent their interests at the bargaining table...Although INTERPOOF, the gay crimes investigative agency, has warrants issued for Mr. Toften's arrest throughout the civilized world, he has managed to elude capture by bribery or influence, and even diplomatic immunity as a credentialed diplomat representing the Norwegian bath house industry...
Ambassador Lefty was selected to speak for the American poofter community due to his well chosen words and ability to speak with diplomacy, "This flaming homo, Toften, might as well be wagging his pecker at the rest of the world to think he can get away with grabbing up the best towel contracts...There are a lot of bribes riding on this business, and I'm not giving back a nickel of it"...
President Obama is enjoying the new alliances he made in the Beijing hot tubs, and has pledged his cooperation with any lame-duck executive orders that are paid for in cash...China's Minister of Laundry said, "Stinky Scandinavian poofter think he smart guy...We put him to work in Chinese labor camp...Him see"...
But as sabres are rattled and threats are exchanged across oceans, the key to settlement of the dispute may lay with a simple goat whisperer named Ernest who tends the herds which yield the wool for the towel mills...Since his conversion to Hinduism at the Gonzales County Temple, he seeks only peace through non-violence and his unique animal husbandry practices...
Scholars and philosophers are in debate as to the underlying meaning of his words when told of the international conflict, "Someone bring me and Sweet Thang another cold Corona"...Now known as Rama Lamba Ernest, the goatherder is shown below in his earlier days as a beauty contest judge...
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