Impact of lower oil prices on Asian bath house economies...

http://www.bangkokpost.com/business/news/464181/impact-of-lower-oil-prices-on-asian-economies

As oil prices plummet on products from the olive, canola and coconut markets, interest has picked up on the sport of nude lesbian oil wrestling, especially in the Asian bath house industry...In China, the state-owned Slippi Slidee Bath Oil Co. controlled under the auspices of newly named Oil Minister Hu Flung Dung, has begun a new marketing strategy to increase sales...

In a typical turn of events behind the bamboo curtain, the Chinese Oil Ministry must now report to the Ministry of Laundry, run by Hu Flung's one-time friend, former bath house towel boy and now Director, Lef Ti...Hu Flung's latest suggestion to employ retired lesbian oil wrestling champion, Mazola McLeglock, to promote the Slippi Slidee product line is thought to be a political ploy designed to distract Lef Ti, a long time admirer of Ms. McLeglock's prowess...

Lef Ti's efforts to induce Ms. McLeglock to tour the Chinese bath house circuit in a series of exhibition matches were always declined due to Lef Ti's previous career as a bath house towel boy...It seems Ms. McLeglock prior experiences with a Hobby Airport area towel boy were unfavorable leaving her with doubts concerning Lef Ti's sincerity...

However, Hu Flung Dung was more successful in his efforts due to his executive background as the former Minister of Laundry before the coup that led to Lef Ti's rise to power...Hu Flung is said to have learned much about Lef Ti's life from his apprenticeship to Showermaster Rili Huang Min (RHM) during his incarceration at the Hanzhob Peoples' Poofter Collective where he was sent for "re-education"...

Poofter analysts are closely watching Hu Flung's re-entry into the Chinese bath house power structure as it may signal another purge in the upper levels...Not wishing to involve herself in political intrigue, Ms. McLeglock's travel entourage has been assigned a security detail headed by midget lesbian and former deputy Dumpy Bunny, who is said to be feared by Chinese poofters for her fierce protection of Ms. McLeglock's assets...

Although normally involved in international poofter and lesbian concerns, UN Ambassador for Poofter Relations Lefty has not been consulted for advice, and his office door, pictured below, is strangely closed while calls to his private pay phone have gone unanswered...

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China’s illegal belly-oil trade could be used to power lights...

http://qz.com/368727/chinas-illegal-gutter-oil-trade-could-be-used-to-power-flights/

A little known and almost unnoticed method used by Chinese towel boys to fatten their own wallets may prove to be another tool in the fight to conserve energy...Deposed Laundry Minister and now Oil Minister in China's government, Hu Flung Dung always looks for new charges against his former friend and towel boy, now Minister of Laundry, Lef Ti...

While on a routine inspection of the Beijing Peoples' Poofter Collective bath house, Dung noticed some towel boys behaving in a peculiar manner...After mopping off the accumulated sweat from between the fat rolls under their poofter clients' bellies, the towel boys wrung the towels out into buckets before turning them in to the laundry...

Curious as to their motives, he followed them after their shifts ended, noting they poured the liquid into a discarded washing machine and used the spin cycle to de-emulsify the product, thereby separating the glandular oil from the sweat and Dove soap residue...They then used the oil to power their Coleman bicycle lamps to light their way home...

Oil Minister Dung immediately realized the value of the process, further observing that the lights burned extremely brightly while giving off little heat...He then banished the towel boys to the remote Hanzhob People's Poofter Collective for re-education since they were using government owned resources for their own gain...

Afterwards Dung filed an international patent on the process in the name of the state-owned Slippi Slidee Oil Co. in which he is said to be a minor shareholder...At this moment, Laundry Minister Lef Ti is said to be on hands and knees before the Chinese Central Council trying to explain why such an oversight could occur under his direction...

Political analysts speculate that the Ministry of Laundry will soon be under the direction of Hu Flung Dung again, while Lef Ti, if he is lucky, will once again find himself folding towels in a bath house laundry...Pictured below is an innovative new design in a combination men's room and laundry for use in the newer space-efficient bath houses in crowded Chinese urban centers...

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China’s Communist leaders expel former bath house czar over corruption allegations...

http://www.washingtonpost.com/world/asia_pacific/chinas-communist-leaders-expel-former-security-czar-over-corruption-allegations/2014/12/05/bd79b6ec-7c9f-11e4-84d4-7c896b90abdc_story.html

Unable to avoid the publicity generated in their latest scandal, China's Communist Party leaders have expelled the former director of their Ministry of Laundry, Hu Flung Dung...The powerful executive resisted the move knowing what lay in store for him as he fell from the top rung of Chinese bath house society...

The now disgraced Mr. Dung had little to say as he was led away from his executive hot tub wearing only the soiled towel of an apprentice towel boy...Authorities reported under promise of anonymity that he will be interned in a secure facility for "re-education" in basic laundry procedures before being considered for a return to public bath house life...

Details have been sketchy concerning his fall from grace, but high-placed sources report that his personal assistant and favorite towel boy, Lef Ti, has been temporarily elevated to the oval hot tub symbolizing the powerful office of Director...In a hastily called press conference, Lef Ti had little to say about his former boss, "Stingy poofter think he can get away without tipping!...Him see now"...

Hu Flung Dung is reportedly in transit under heavy guard to the Hanzhob People's Poofter Collective deep in the Chinese interior where he will be apprenticed to Showermaster Rili Huang Min (or simply RHM) where he will be retrained as a men's room attendant until he has learned proper humility...Mr. Dung was quoted as saying he hopes to be advanced quickly to Skidmark Inspector in the bath house laundry's towel disbursement office...

Although formal alliances have not yet been established with American homos, President Obama is said to have asked the UN Ambassador for Poofter Relations Lefty to open diplomatic channels with Lef Ti...The seasoned envoy expected no problems with his Chinese counterpart when he said, "Like all towel boys, he'll take a bribe...I'll lowball him until I find his price"...

Shown below, two Hong Kong poofters argue over possession of one of the few clean towels before entering their local bath house...

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Japan, China ruling poofter parties to resume exchanges...

http://the-japan-news.com/news/article/0002030003

With the recent power shift in the Chinese bath house hierarchy, a degree of normalcy may return to Asian poofter society...Veteran administrator Hu Flung Dung has returned to the seat of power as China's Director of the Ministry of Laundry, which oversees all bath house and poofter entertainment operations...

Former Laundry Minister Lef Ti will be relegated to a position as assistant towel boy in the Beijing Peoples' Poofter Collective after he successfully completes a re-education process in the Hanzhob District of the remote interior regions of China...He will be instructed in obedience to the poofter traditions by Showermaster Rili Huang Min (RHM) who some sources claim is a distant relative of Lef Ti...

Meanwhile, as Hu Flung Dung resumes power, analysts predict a warming of relations between Chinese and Japanese bath house factions...The power struggle between national nude sumo oil wrestling representatives has been replaced by talk of an exhibition match of the popular sport between the team of former nude lesbian oil wrestling champion Mazola McLeglock with her partner midget lesbian amateur fighter Dumpy Bunny, versus a Sino-Japanese team...

An informal bath house poll suggests the team of 650 pound Chinese sumo champion Hef Ti and midget Japanese oil wrestler Dinki Winki would draw a huge crowd against the lesbian pair...Sports writers are already suggesting that the lesbian team has an unfair advantage if Dumpy Bunny attempts to use her shrill, annoying voice to shatter Hef Ti's titanium knee hinges...

One of the potential sponsors of the match, Gorilla ® Brand Duct Tape, says the use of its product together with a tennis ball will prevent the problem...A meeting between Japanese Poofter Minister (PM) "Abe" and Chinese Laundry Director Dung is already scheduled in an effort to work out any hard feelings...

Shown below, Japanese Trade Minister (TM) Sukyu Longdime and a lesbian assistant prepare seating mats together with a derivative of Hamm's beer for the traditional BJ exchange between the two poofter leaders...

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Hobby Airport scientist told to remove words ‘underwear change’ from study on bath house warming...

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2015/03/10/why-this-florida-scientist-had-to-remove-the-term-climate-change-from-her-study/

Politics even rears its head in the rarefied (although seldom purified) atmosphere of the urban bath house, as evidenced by the recent demands put on Dr. Lefty of the Lesbian Propulsion Laboratory...Not wishing to call undue attention to a common problem among poofters (including those in the Executive Branch), the White House has asked Dr. Lefty to change the wording in his definitive report on bath house warming...

His report includes a chapter concerning the efforts of professional laundrymen to encourage poofters to change their underwear more frequently...Obama administration censors, always eager to avoid mention of sources of embarrassment to gay voters, redacted all references to underwear change from the report...

Dr. Lefty protested the revisions, citing recent discussions in the Asian bath house community as reason for concern...Dr. Lefty quoted Chinese Poofter Minister (PM) Hu Flung Dung's recent revelation, "Stinky Chinee towel boys wear same BVD's all week!...Place smell like goat farm!"...

The PM's remarks were thought to be aimed at his former underling, and now Director of the Ministry of Laundry Lef Ti, who rose from being a bath house towel boy to PM Dung's boss in a bloodless coup...Not wishing to disturb the delicate balance of power in Chinese government and thereby start an international towel-snapping confrontation, Obama's senior cabinet member's have quietly ordered all references to underwear change removed from government publications...

Dr. Lefty strongly protested the censorship, saying it completely changed the meaning of his government funded studies...He quickly backed down, however, when he was told he would be paid for his findings anyway in addition to being named the lead investigator for a new field study of the correlation between Hamm's beer consumption and lesbianism among topless dancers...

Meanwhile, seeking to better his own position in the Chinese poofter hierarchy, Hu Flung Dung (shown below) is testing his latest innovation in bath house technology, combining a drive-through car wash with a tanning salon for homos in a hurry...

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China slams 'futile' Philistine occupation of disputed bath house...

http://www.reuters.com/article/2015/05/12/us-southchinasea-philippines-china-idUSKBN0NX14F20150512

In a sabre-rattling show of power, Director Hu Flung Dung of China's Ministry of Laundry, reputed by some to be the "most powerful poofter in the world," has thrown down the gauntlet (as well as his thong) over the latest incursion into China's sovereignty as muslim homo extremists sent by Iran's Minister of Steamrooms, Ayatollah Leph te Rashitch, now occupy a remote bath house claimed by both nations...Referring to the jihadist invaders as "Philistines," in an obvious attempt to enrage Leph te, Director Dung has sent a stern warning to the Iranians saying, "Stinky bedouins no belong there! Must leave now!"...

Replying to the threat through the UN Department of Poofter Relations, Leph te announced that the disputed bath house was in the possession of members of Islamic State United Kingdom (ISUK) who have vowed occupation at least until the El Producto cigar supply is exhausted...The contested bath house is located on a remote island in the South China Sea, far from territories normally associated with islamic poofters...

Leph te claims ISUK's occupancy is legitimate because of a small herd of goats brought there centuries ago by Iranian explorers, and now tended by a lone goatherder...Director Dung challenged the Iranian claims by pointing out that the goatherder converted to Hinduism after a prolonged visit by the leader of an obscure Hindu sect named Rama Lambda Ernest, who demonstrated the advantages of his special form of goat worship...

As tempers continue to flare, and fumes continue to rise from the jihadists due to their strict diet of Red Sea sardine and curdled goat cheese sandwiches, world poofter leaders are expecting President Obama to send UN Ambassador for Poofter Relations Lefty in an attempt to settle the dispute peacefully...Speaking from his office in the UN, Ambassador Lefty said, "All these homos ever want is more Dove soap bars to drop, and Hamm's beer to wash down those sandwiches, and they expect the American taxpayers to foot the bill"...

Sources close to President Obama say he has issued orders from the oval hot tub to have two Air Force C-17's loaded with Dove soap, Hamms's beer, El Producto cigars and fresh towels standing by to leave as soon as Ambassador Lefty packs his suitcase and gets his ankle monitor re-programmed...Shown below is the ambassador's office door in the UN building where he is expected to emerge shortly for his journey...

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Norway running short of options as it tries to improve poofter ties with China...

http://www.scmp.com/news/world/article/1604014/norway-running-short-options-it-tries-improve-ties-china

Negotiations have hit a new snag in Norwegian attempts to improve relations with Chinese poofters...Chinese Minister of Laundry, Hu Flung Dung, explains, "Stinky Norwegian poofter sneak into bath house, now won't go away!"...

His Excellency referred to the long running feud with the two nations over international fugitive, Ifar Toften, and his attempts to avoid extradition to Norway to face morals charges and several unpaid laundry bills...In his escape from justice, Mr. Toften managed to enter a popular Beijing bath house hidden in a load of bath linen, some say with the help of a bath house towel boy named Lef Ti...

The problem became complicated when it was discovered that the Chinese bath house was actually on the property of the Norwegian embassy giving Mr. Toften diplomatic poofter immunity...Attempts to remove Mr. Toften have been forestalled by the powerful IKEA lobbyists who are thought to be involved with his lucrative bedsheet smuggling operation across the Norway/Sweden border...

New efforts are being made as a request for help from the international poofter crime investigation agency, INTERPOOF, has been answered by famed detective and lingerie designer, Inspector RHM...The renowned inspector was touring his own string of male lingerie boutiques throughout China, and agreed to initiate an investigation into the bath house controversy...

Minister Dung expressed his pleasure at the decision, "RHM always get to bottom of poofter problems and maybe gift poor Chinese laundryman with negligee in my size"...

Shown below, Chinese poofters rehearse the traditional welcome dance for RHM...

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Chinese moon probe successfully returns to bath house...

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/asia/chinese-moon-probe-successfully-returns-to-earth-9833753.html

Dr. Lefty of the Lesbian Propulsion Laboratory has filed his briefs concerning the recent secretive Chinese probe of an orbiting moon...As Dr. Lefty explains, "It is well known that bath house technology differs greatly between western and Asian cultures, and voluntary exchange of information is almost non-existent"...

He went on to say that the recently discovered moons found orbiting Chinese bath houses within the jurisdiction of the Beijing People's Poofter Collective were definitely not spy satellites sent by the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium...He stated that the "moons" were of unknown origin, and had nothing to do with western attempts to gather information on Chinese poofter tech...

However the Chinese Minister of Laundry, Hu Flung Dung, whose purview includes all Chinese bath house and poofter operations, has a suspicious nature and decided further investigation was necessary...It was decided the best man for this clandestine mission would be a towel boy named Lef Ti, who has more experience probing moons than anyone in China...

Upon his return, Lef Ti reported that the moons had a soft exterior, and opened immediately to receive his probe, although a noxious vapor was emitted which may have been a defense mechanism...Lef Ti stated that his results were inconclusive, and he requested an extended mission to probe deeper into the moons' interiors...

However Minister Dung remains cautious, and suspects that the mysterious moons may have actually gathered knowledge from Lef Ti's probe while leaving a false trail of intel for him...He said that any further missions by Lef Ti will include a protective shield around his probe to prevent unwanted microscopic invasions...

Meanwhile, Dr. Lefty continues to deny any western involvement in the mysterious orbiting bodies, and says his main concern these days is studying nearby advances in lesbian technology, particularly extending battery life in hand-held and strap-on "entertainment devices"...Shown below is his latest prototype of a dual-purpose device for use by so-called "lipstick lesbians"...

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China shocks world by genetically engineering poofter embryos...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/science/11558305/China-shocks-world-by-genetically-engineering-human-embryos.html

Honorable Master Lef Ti of the PF Chang Poofter & Laundry Academy has managed to turn the sporting world upside down with his revelation that he can engineer athletes by growing them from poofter embryos...Gathering stem cells taken from a centrally located "stem" on selected bath house clients in the Beijing People's Poofter Collective, Lef Ti has, over a period of time, grown cultures suitable for the popular Asian bath house sport of nude sumo oil wrestling...

Using a growth accelerator developed in his own laboratory/living quarters, Lef Ti grew one specimen from a single cell  grown in a discarded Motel 6 ashtray into the 650 pound behemoth called Hef Ti, who is partnered with the Japanese midget oil wrestler Dinki Winki, as the nude sumo tag team, Mister Blister...Accomplishing this in less than a year, Lef Ti said he enlisted the help of a vacationing lesbian laundry girl from Hong Kong, by injecting the cell into her using his own probe...

The growth accelerator caused the birth of Hef Ti to occur before the laundress ended her vacation, whereupon he was left in a laundry basket together with Lef Ti's laundry and a note from her attorney on Lef Ti's doorstep...The Honorable Master admitted he was unprepared for the foundling's insatiable appetite, especially for the contraband Hamm's beer he had hoarded away...

However, Lef Ti was fortunate enough to find several clandestine games of chance, and after substituting his own dice, was able to win adequately to buy enough Hamm's on the black market until Hef Ti was of adult size, a process that took about six months...Meanwhile Hef Ti was given intense instruction in the martial arts by allowing him to watch the Bruce Lee channel on Beijing cable TV while Lef Ti plied his trade as a towel boy in the poofter collective...

At the age of six months, Hef Ti could pass as a young man, and he gained employment as a hot tub lifeguard (as shown in the photo below) until Lef Ti paired him with Dinki Winki for their first tag team match...Afterwards, the sport of nude sumo oil wrestling was set on its ear, as were all their opponents by using their trademark step-over belly roll to subdue their adversaries...

At this writing, it is unclear whether Lef Ti will remain as their manager, or be sent back to the Hanzhob People's Poofter Collective for more re-education because he failed to get prior approval from the director of China's Ministry of Laundry, Hu Flung Dung, before beginning his experiments...However, the profits from booking their matches and collecting the side bets is said to be financing Director Dung's lavish lifestyle...

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U.N. Poofter Negotiators Reach Compromise, Bare...

http://gawker.com/u-n-climate-negotiators-reach-compromise-barely-1670899242

UN Ambassador for Poofter Relations Lefty reports today on an important new compromise agreement reached between the major Security Council members concerning climate control...A major skirmish was narrowly averted as a coalition of members was able to agree on a rotating schedule for seating next to the temperature control in the council's hot tub...

Poofter members from nations located in different climates throughout the world have their own temperature and humidity preferences, which has been a major bone of contention in the hot tubs and steamrooms...Ambassador Lefty, who already serves as liaison to the lesbian pearldiving committee, was disqualified as temperature manager due to unresolved bribe allegations...

Chinese Oil Minister Hu Flung Dung and Iranian Potentate of Steamrooms Leph te Rashitch both abstained from the vote over British Queen's Representative Sir Neville Clive Flamingwell's insistence on bringing his umbrella to the communal shower room...Agreement was finally reached to let Men's Room Council Chairman RHM use his Magic 8-Ball to choose the rotation schedule for the first month of climate control co-chairmen...

Secretary-General Si Yu Moon of Thailand expressed his relief at not having to assign peacekeepers for the refugees housed in the male lingerie boutique operated by Chairman RHM...Shown below, former US Senator Larry Craig, now the senior UN men's room attendant, invites poofters of all creeds and perversion preferences to visit the UN Assembly Men's Room in safety and comfort...

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People's Laundry of China bans "bit coin" over 'fags and lesbos' trade fears...

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2013/12/05/chinese_banks_banned_from_using_bitcoin/

Following reports of trouble with "bit coin" in American and French bath houses, the Chinese government's Ministry of Laundry has banned the use of the controversial currency in all worldwide Chinese laundries, including those located in poofter bath houses...After the ban announced by Director Hu Flung Dung, which included threats of liquidation, the bath house industry dispatched Ambassador Lefty to smooth things over...

Lefty, whose assets have always been liquidated, has complete authority to negotiate an agreement satisfactory to all poofters and lesbians, and expects no difficulties with the language barrier as he becomes acquainted with as many Chinese lesbians as possible during his visit..

Shown below, a visiting towel boy at an Irish bath house tests the veracity of a deposit in his tip jar...

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Norway Embraces Chinese Cash in Race for Arctic Bath House Riches...

http://www.businessweek.com/news/2014-11-12/norway-embraces-chinese-cash-in-race-for-arctic-energy-riches

In another example of the manipulative skills to which Norwegian poofter fugitive, Ifar Toften, will sink to avoid capture, he has made his bid to cash in on the burgeoning Chinese bath house market...Eager to learn new skills to increase the pleasure of poofter clients, China's Ministry of Laundry has put out feelers to other established bath house markets...

Unfortunately those feelers are attached to towel boy Lef Ti, a favorite of Minister of Laundry, Hu Flung Dung, who oversees China's People's Poofter Collectives...Lef Ti lost sight of the Chinese government's ideological goals after being exposed to international bath house practices by less scrupulous towel boys in the areas of tip jar management and locker room pilferage...

And now Ifar Toften has made contact with Lef Ti concerning China's latest poofter enterprise on the Arctic frontier, and has learned of the potential investment capital from China in developing polar bath houses...He has offered his services and expertise in cold weather homo activities to Lef Ti in exchange for Chinese cash which he needs to finance his further escape from justice...

Lef Ti seemed particularly interested in security techniques when he said, "Stinky old homo on run from law long time, maybe know how to avoid locker room surveillance cameras"...Mr. Toften assured his Chinese counterpart that for the right price, there are no secrets...

As shown below, Mr. Toften has assured the Chinese poofter rep that his long time experiences in frigid gay activities will give a new meaning to the word "snowblower"...

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Japan's trade minister resigns amid scandal, a blow to PM Abe...

http://www.washingtonpost.com/world/japans-trade-minister-resigns-amid-scandal-a-blow-to-pm-abe/2014/10/19/c13a94cf-c2c5-4f01-bffc-d9aeb0af46a0_story.html

Japan's lesbian Trade Minister, Sukyu Longdime, resigned today amid the flurry of anger caused by the blow given to the government's Poofter Minister (PM) "Abe"...[Editor's note: Japanese poofters are known only by their aliases in Japan, and many choose the names of US Presidents...]

Common practice in Asian diplomatic matters calls for a reciprocal blow to be arranged between the representatives by a trade minister before any serious discussions...Japan's newly appointed lesbo TM was not completely familiar with oriental poofter protocol, and scheduled a two-way blow between the high-ranking PM "Abe" and a low caste Chinese towel boy named Lef Ti...

"Abe" accepted his blow from Lef Ti, but then refused to live up to his end of the trade, calling for a cup of tea instead...The refusal to honor the trade agreement sent shock waves through Asian diplomatic channels all the way to the director of China's Ministry of Laundry, Hu Flung Dung, who holds Lef Ti in high regard...

As angry words quickly escalated to talks of war, "Abe" called on the Secretary of Japan's Navy (with it's high concentration of gays), Rear Admiral "Barack" who immediately backed up "Abe's" position with threats of a strongly worded protest...Military action was quickly averted, however, with the decision by "Abe" to throw TM Longdime under the bus as punishment for arranging the trade...

"Abe" said in a press release, "Dumb lesbo spend time changing oil under bus, maybe learn lesson"...It was learned later that although "Abe" initially thought Lef Ti was cute, he couldn't stomach his unusual odor resulting from his diet of Taco Bell green chili burritos...

As peaceful talks resumed, "Abe" sent a bouquet of Japanese fish tacos to the Chinese embassy as a token of appeasement...Pictured below are "Barack" and "Abe" as they exchange the traditional Japanese poofter greeting before attending to business matters...

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US bath house industry cheers China IT trade deal progress...

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/tech/tech-news/US-tech-industry-cheers-China-IT-trade-deal-progress/articleshow/45124505.cms  

Cheers went up from all sides as President Obama and Ambassador Lefty announced that agreement was reached with China's Minister of Laundry, Hu Flung Dung, concerning the touchy subject of IT (Imported Towels)...The international poofter community has always agreed that the finest towels must be imported from Sweden where the IKEA textile mills blend the best hand picked Egyptian cotton with wool from contented goats tended by a renowned goat whisperer known only as Ernest...

Not to be outdone, the Norwegian poofter contingent has announced a hostile bid to take over the high-end serviette industry by enlisting longtime fugitive, and best-selling author, Ifar Toften to represent their interests at the bargaining table...Although INTERPOOF, the gay crimes investigative agency, has warrants issued for Mr. Toften's arrest throughout the civilized world, he has managed to elude capture by bribery or influence, and even diplomatic immunity as a credentialed diplomat representing the Norwegian bath house industry...

Ambassador Lefty was selected to speak for the American poofter community due to his well chosen words and ability to speak with diplomacy, "This flaming homo, Toften, might as well be wagging his pecker at the rest of the world to think he can get away with grabbing up the best towel contracts...There are a lot of bribes riding on this business, and I'm not giving back a nickel of it"...

President Obama is enjoying the new alliances he made in the Beijing hot tubs, and has pledged his cooperation with any lame-duck executive orders that are paid for in cash...China's Minister of Laundry said, "Stinky Scandinavian poofter think he smart guy...We put him to work in Chinese labor camp...Him see"...

But as sabres are rattled and threats are exchanged across oceans, the key to settlement of the dispute may lay with a simple goat whisperer named Ernest who tends the herds which yield the wool for the towel mills...Since his conversion to Hinduism at the Gonzales County Temple, he seeks only peace through non-violence and his unique animal husbandry practices...

Scholars and philosophers are in debate as to the underlying meaning of his words when told of the international conflict, "Someone bring me and Sweet Thang another cold Corona"...Now known as Rama Lamba Ernest, the goatherder is shown below in his earlier days as a beauty contest judge...

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