Phillbo makes Guinness Book of World Records...

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/08/06/escape-artist-coffin/2625141/

Stuntman and presidential candidate Phillbo dropped into the world record book today in an unplanned skydive...As we all know, Phillbo often travels incognito to escape the mobs of fans and well-wishers who follow his every move...In making a quick trip to Phoenix to renew his trampoline extended warranty contract, Phillbo avoided recognition by having himself placed in a coffin aboard a cargo plane...

Having settled in the coffin for the flight, Phillbo, who wears his parachute at all times, took advantage of the downtime and promptly fell asleep...Unknown to him, fugitive Lefty boarded the aircraft in an attempt to avoid a group of process servers...Phillbo was sleeping so soundly he did not waken when Lefty crawled into the coffin with him...

Once in flight, the pilot noticed a draft coming from a cargo door which had been left open by a careless baggage handler...Not wanting to lose time returning to the airport, the pilot continued on course and was forced to make a sudden gain in altitude to avoid a flock of geese migrating home to Dave Grubb's farm...The sudden maneuver caused the coffin to slide out the door resulting in a gaseous emission from Lefty...

The smell awakened Phillbo who was dreaming he had been thrown into a sulfur pit by vengeful lesbians...In his panic Phillbo pulled the ripcord and parachuted to safety...Lefty, who was wearing nothing but an "Elect Anthony Weiner" loincloth, quickly fashioned it into a wingsuit, and glided to a nudist nun enclave where he immediately applied for sanctuary...

Mother Superior Bernice Burlap is considering his application while Lefty is attempting to iron out the wrinkles in her scapular...

Shown below is Phillbo making a last second decision to jump...

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Lesbian political action committee endorses Phillbo...

http://www.windycitymediagroup.com/lgbt/Lesbian-political-action-committee-endorses-Clinton-/51145.html

Hillary Clinton's dubious choice of a toilet stall in the powder room of a lesbian bath house for her campaign headquarters may start to pay off in her race for the Presidency...One of the newer voting blocs in the country, the Bisexual Union of Transgenders Political Action Committee (BUTPAC) has announced their support and endorsement of her campaign...

However, an even larger and potentially more powerful group remains steadfastly behind perennial candidate Phillbo, refusing to even consider another contender...Begun as a grassroots organization in Scottsdale Arizona, "Lesbos Go Phillbo" maintains that the only candidate who truly has a feel for lesbianism, and keeps an active hand in their activities is Phillbo...

Having always considered himself a lesbian of a different anatomy, Phillbo first gained their confidence as a visiting trampoline tuner at the various women-only nudist camps surrounding the Scottsdale area...After opening his one-bedroom home to many otherwise homeless young lesbians, Phillbo further earned their trust by pledging his vast political war chest to a court fight to ensure their rights to practice their beliefs...

BUTPAC chairperson, Fedora "Butch" Jenner, the transgender hatcheck person at the Hobby Airport bath house where Ms. Clinton established her command post, admits it will be a long hard struggle to overcome Phillbo's lead, but hopes to gain the swing vote of the swinger community...Meanwhile lesbian powder room attendant, Latrina, who denied Ms. Clinton her preferred campaign toilet stall continues to wear her "I Go Phillbo" campaign button (while wearing little else) as she goes about her duties...

As shown below, the Phillbo campaign, which carries the ringing endorsement of the powerful and influential Truckman Publishing Group, will continue to wave the same instantly recognizable electioneering banners as in previous contests...

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On the hunt for the presidency, Phillbo adopts a 'caveman' diet...

https://ca.news.yahoo.com/hunt-presidency-jeb-bush-adopts-caveman-diet-095358469.html

Noting the recent trend of Republican presidential candidates shifting their diets to the popular "paleo" or "caveman" diet, independent frontrunner Phillbo says that, as usual, they are following in his footsteps...Long known as the most self-reliant candidate on the campaign trail, Phillbo notes that the others are just catching on to methods he has practiced for years...

Always one to combine any useful activities in the cause of efficiency, Phillbo has been identified as a "gatherer" in his travels along the Arizona bike trails, as he collects various fruits, vegetables and roots for his table while getting needed exercise on his custom-made trail bike...Never known as a "hunter," he nonetheless gets ample protein from the wildlife that volunteers for his meals...

The latest example is the number of birds nesting in the trees shading his backyard trampoline which generously provide a steady supply of eggs for his diet...They announce their availability by pecking the heads of his on-site nudist lesbian staff who then use the trampoline to gather enough eggs from the nest for Phillbo's daily omelettes...

One of Phillbo's campaign watchers, Lefty, has noted that candidates Jeb Bush and Rick Perry have begun dining on Taco Bell breakfast burritos made with locally obtained mockingbird eggs...Both candidates removed the mockingbird from the endangered species list of their respective states in their final acts before leaving their governors' offices...

Lefty obtained the evidence from their discarded Taco Bell sacks as they enter the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium on their frequent trips to gain the confidence of poofter voters...Lefty says this is clear indication that their spies are watching and reporting Phillbo's habits as they play a desperate game of catch-up on the road to the White House...

Shown below is a typical breakfast prepared by Phillbo's dietitian, Nurse Paula, garnished with choice peppers from the Wacojoe Jalapeño Nursery, and ham slices smoked by Dave Grubb from a feral hog which volunteered itself in front of his Ford diesel truck...

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Phillbo Probe Sends Back First Photo From Surface of Comet...

http://www.nbcnews.com/news/photo/philae-probe-sends-back-first-photo-surface-comet-n247586

The Phillbo Probe, after making its successful landing on the so-called Trampoline Comet, has begun transmitting photos back to Earth for study by scientists...As the Lefty Probe had been ordered into government detention for a 30 to 90 day period of debriefing by a local court, the Phillbo Probe was chosen for the mission instead, and has proven a worthy choice...

Landing on the Trampoline Comet was expected to be difficult, and no lander on Earth has had more experience in overcoming rough landings than the Phillbo Probe...The Phillbo unit also contains a dual-purpose probe, and since the comet's springy surface was suspected to be similar in content to the ingredients used in Arizona style street tacos, one end of the probe was already programmed to receive its many variations...

Although it was unknown at the time whether the comet is inhabited, there were indications of lesbian lifeforms present...If so, the other end of the Phillbo Probe was engineered to be highly sensitive (some would say eager) to study every aspect of their existence...

As the veteran Lefty Probe receives a much needed cleaning and re-programming in its maintenance facility, the Phillbo Probe has already begun to transmit data back to Earth for study...Raw camera footage contained the image below which scientists believe may be one of the comet's lifeforms offering a sample of the comet's surface to the probe's intake port...

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Tucson firm aids record free-fall from near space...

http://tucson.com/business/local/tucson-firm-aids-record-free-fall-from-near-space/article_653f6f39-5a8f-545d-963b-f4269d700b80.html

Local business owner and perennial Presidential candidate Phillbo inadvertently helped in the record setting free-fall from space recently...Phillbo, who operates a well known trampoline tuning company, was putting the final touches on a large trampoline at a lesbian nudist camp when the emergency call came in...

A frantic FAA spokesman explained to Phillbo that a privately owned space capsule returning from resupplying the International Poofter Station (IPS), and possibly piloted by a towel boy named Lefty who may have taken along a thermos of Hamm's beer by mistake, had accidentally veered into the flight path of a Google executive making a world record attempt...The resulting course change for the parachutist put his new landing zone in the vicinity of the lesbian nudist camp...

Phillbo responded as a true professional, and calmly readjusted the trampoline tension for maximum allowable tension while positioning it in the coordinates given by the FAA official...Then quickly donning his own wingsuit, he hitched a ride with some Hooters waitresses going airborne for a group skydive...

As the world record jumper approached the landing zone, Phillbo calculated his movements and leaped from the plane, guiding himself toward the parachutist with his wingsuit until he was able to position both of them in the correct trajectory...Phillbo's long experience and quick thinking paid off as they both hit the huge trampoline at the same time, and somersaulted onto two barstools at the resort's outdoor nudist refreshment center just in time for the lesbian bartender to place a cold adult beverage and a fruit smoothie in front of them...

The nude bartender was later kind enough to don a bikini and recreate the scene (shown below) for the cameras...

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Parachute tycoon fights against regulation of Arizona trampoline courts...

http://www.abc15.com/news/region-phoenix-metro/central-phoenix/mother-fights-for-regulation-of-arizona-trampoline-courts

In a preview of the looming court battle between local government and special interest groups, Scottsdale nudist camp operator Phillbo was served with a cease-and-desist order by special prosecutor Fred K...Having installed a see-through trampoline mounted over grandstand seating in the lesbian section of his nudist compound, Phillbo defied local ordinances against open display of "moon landings"...

Philbo is confident that his massive war chest derived from his lucrative parachute packing industry will buy him enough lobbyists to ensure victory...Having spent only $3.18 on his unsuccessful presidential campaign, Phillbo was forced to find a way to spend the cash from his political fund, or face confiscation for religious organizations such as the Westboro Church...

Not wishing to lose such an important judicial battle, Scottsdale city council brought in special prosecutor Fred K, recently retired building inspector from Apache Junction...Fred K, known as the toughest, most feared city employee ever to wield a rubber stamp, is said to have once condemned his own model train layout for faulty transformer wiring and fined himself the maximum penalty...

In retaliation Phillbo has hired famed lobbyist, Lefty, to represent his interests...Says Lefty, "I'll fight this injustice if I have to visit every nudie bar in Arizona"...

Shown below are two trampoline enthusiasts just before being warned by Phillbo that they are in violation of his strict dress code by not being nude...

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No Knockout in Poofter Presidential Debate as Erection Nears...

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2015-05-21/polish-challenger-duda-carries-last-debate-before-president-vote

With the 2016 Presidential election still 18 months away, candidates representing all walks of life are already jockeying for position in the overcrowded field...The LGBTU (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Undecided) contingent is definitely one of the fastest growing, and most vocal of the special interest voting blocs...

This election cycle they decided to move their center of operations from the more traditional coastal bath house centers such as New York or San Francisco, to a more centralized location in the Hobby Airport Bath House District of Houston, Texas...The logical choice for the position of moderator in this opening debate, Houston's lesbian Mayor Annise Parker, ruled that flashy, colorful clothing would be banned, and all participants, including herself, would wear a simple, black thong so as not to distract the audience...

As expected, gay pornstar Arnold Swollenpecker is the frontrunner of the male homos, and was selected to represent them even though many poofters think his celebrity status gives him an unfair advantage...The clear choice to speak for the lesbians was perennial candidate Phillbo, who with each election draws more votes...

In introducing Phillbo, Hollywood personalities Ellen DeGeneres and Rosie O'Donnell agreed Phillbo is a lesbian at heart before retiring to their private dressing room to apply a fresh coat of chocolate sauce on each other...Bath house hat check person, Fedora "Butch" Jenner, although still undecided which gender to choose, was selected to speak for both the bisexuals and transgenders, as well as the undecided...

Entering the race in a new category representing the retrosexuals, was long-time Hobby Airport resident SBA, owner/operator of the Braniff Street Piano Roll Museum...Pushing his wheelchair onstage was his long-suffering daughter, who was heard to whisper, "Don't worry Daddy, you won't get in trouble for not wearing your pants this one time"...

SBA speaks for those retrosexuals who only want things to go back to the good old days...Although he is unclear on when he last had sex, or with whom, or whether he enjoyed it or not, he believes a young upstart named Kennedy was running for office...

Each candidate was given a chance to state his/her/its positions on the issues by Moderator Parker who was assisted with her teleprompter by her wife...In his closing remarks, candidate Phillbo discreetly adjusting his thong, asked the key question which audiences had been hoping for, and the other candidates were dreading, "Does this look swollen to you?" after which Moderator Parker called for the curtain to fall...

Pictured below is the wardrobe technician's poodle helping to gather the discarded garments after the debate...

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Muffdiver survives mid-air seizure...

http://www.skynews.com.au/news/national/2015/03/02/skydiver-survives-mid-air-seizure.html

A chance passing by entrepreneur and presidential candidate Phillbo may have been all that saved a towel boy and amateur muffdiving champion from an untimely demise...The incident occurred 12,000 feet above the Arizona desert where members of the Olympic muffdiving team were attempting to set a new nude freefall record while maintaining a number of Kama Sutra positions simultaneously...

Olympic athlete and athletic supporter Lefty followed nude lesbian oil wrestler Mazola McLeglock out of the aircraft closely pursued by gay pornstar Arnold Swollenpecker, who was acting as official timekeeper and photographer...After starting his stopwatch, Swollenpecker noticed it had not been calibrated, and quickly decided to synchronize with Lefty's timepiece...

Lefty is known for wearing his Bulova on his phallic member since it is a self-winding movement, and is more likely to stay accurate in that location...Lefty and Ms. McLeglock had already begun their sequence of movements, and as Swollenpecker seized the watch, Lefty thought his dive partner was introducing a new twist to their routine...

Enjoying the moment, he lost track of their altitude and momentarily forgot about pulling the ripcord...Fortunately for all, presidential hopeful Phillbo was passing in freefall from the International Space Station where he had hung a banner from the ISS advertising his candidacy...

Instantly realizing what was happening below him, and calculating he had just enough time to avert a tragedy, he deployed his wingsuit and guided his fall towards the trio where he managed to pull Lefty's ripcord while Swollenpecker was still pulling the towel boy's manhood...The resulting sudden jerk from the chute opening failed to loosen Swollenpecker's grip, but Phillbo still scooped up Ms. McLeglock and carried her to safety with his own parachute, landing in a nearby nudist resort...

As of this writing, Lefty is still in traction at a local long term care facility where he is said to have temporarily lost interest in any amorous activities...Mr. Swollenpecker reports he still has Lefty's Bulova and will return it to him when he resumes duty at the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium...

Meanwhile Phillbo modestly told reporters he didn't consider himself a hero, having done the same thing any other well-qualified presidential candidate would have done...Ms. McLeglock is said to be enjoying her new fame, and has accepted a position as nude yoga instructor for the lesbians at the nudist resort where she landed...

Shown below, Ms. McLeglock and her class pose to say hello to Lefty just before entering the shower after a yoga session...Lefty is said to have asked for additional pain killers after seeing the picture...

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Hundreds expected outside Scottsdale bath house at Ayatollah cartoon contest...

http://www.cnn.com/2015/05/29/us/mohammed-cartoon-contest/

Hundreds of Arizona poofters will gather in the parking lot of the Greater Scottsdale Bath House & Trampoline Academy to protest the recent decision in Iranian Sharia Court by supreme judge, Ayatollah Leph te Rashitch...The event was inspired by a less publicized happening in which a platoon of US Marines held an impromptu contest at Camp Kaboom in Iraq during Operation Iraqi Freedom...

The Marines had just concluded a worship service at the altar of St. Britney during a visit from the chaplain, Father X, who traveled the region in a C-5 Galaxy filled with Coors, the only adult beverage permitted in Iraq since it has negligible alcohol content...After anointing themselves with several sixers each with no effect on their equilibriums, the Marines gathered at a nearby sand dune to relieve themselves and were inspired to draw caricatures of Saddam Hussein in the sand...

Father X blessed their efforts by joining them, although his sand etching was said to more resemble Mitt Romney...The current exhibition was initiated by one of the former Marines who has since converted to poofterism after four tours of duty in Iraq without the sight of an unveiled woman...

Several truckloads of sand have been hauled in from the nearby Arizona desert, and the poofters will compete to see who can draw the most accurate caricature in the sand depicting Ayatollah Leph te after consuming several bottles of the bath house favorite, Hamm's Beer...Hobby Airport oddsmaker, Yugo Leftanescu, will be accepting wagers by cell phone during the competition...

Presidential candidate Phillbo is expected to drop in by parachute as he attempts to land on a large bullseye-painted trampoline sponsored by the Phoenix Chamber of Lesbian Commerce...Phillbo will not participate in the contest as he is considered a professional athlete, and also says he cannot consume Hamm's due to a medical condition in which Hamm's has a corrosive reaction on titanium body parts...

Retired Apache Junction building inspector FredK will act as judge for the event as his reputation for being fair and impartial is beyond reproach...Shown below, two members of the Chamber of Lesbian Commerce test the trampoline for proper tension before Phillbo's arrival...

Update: Interest in this event has been so enthusiastic, it will be repeated in the winter if enough snow falls...Date to be announced...

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RHM expands business...

The success of RHM's male lingerie boutique has astounded business analysts everywhere...His/her latest store opening in Phoenix, Arizona hit a snag when it was found that a local retired skyjumping champion had assumed the name "RHM" for his trampoline tuning business...Standing for Really Hot Mamas, since most of his business comes from a nearby lesbian nudist colony, the business owner and presidential candidate had long since registered the name RHM...

Our young entrepreneur was then forced to use a new name for his Arizona outlet store, and chose ABC Underwear Store for the benefit of the slower witted poofters among his clientele...

http://www.abcunderwear.com/phoenix-underwear-store.html

It is also not well known that before RHM's rise to success in the business world, he also had to assume the role of model for his lingerie...Of course now he has his brother Lefty as spokesmodel, but the following photograph from his website archive shows RHM in his/her earlier business days...

http://imgur.com/gallery/DEe3EJO

Perennial presidential candidate Phillbo is pictured below demonstrating his trampoline tuning talents to a Lebanese client...

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HA performs world's first penis transplant...

http://mg.co.za/article/2015-03-14-sa-performs-worlds-first-penis-transplant

Always on the cutting edge (so to speak) of groundbreaking medical procedures, Dr. Tchytz of the Hobby Airport Gender Reassignment Clinic & Bait Shop has announced the first successful complete penile transplant in history...The unnamed recipient, rumored to be a local towel boy as well as Dr. Tchytz's bait shop manager, is reported to be in stable condition following a brief period of post-surgical missteps...

A spokesman for the clinic reports that visitations for the patient are now limited to family only, with the exception of his sister Slinky who suffers from a rare allergy to clothing...Referred to by the code name "Patient Lefty" to protect his identity, his surgical stitches were mysteriously breaking after visits from personnel from a nearby bath house, including Mazola McLeglock, Latrina and Sidecar Sophie...

The stitch ruptures finally abated completely when his cable TV privileges were reduced to only the Cartoon Network and the Hindu Channel, removing all porn channels...The donor of the transplanted organ is reported to be notorious mountain man "Bearclaw" Longmember, who was receiving a court-ordered lobotomy to reduce his amorous tendencies which were endangering forest creatures near Longmember's wilderness home...

Longmember first made the news in an unfortunate incident on national television, and soon gained the attention of PETA officials who filed suit on behalf of the local moose and grizzly population...At the time of the lobotomy, Dr. Tchytz discovered a direct nerve connection between Longmember's brain and his protuberance, and the decision was made to remove it all as a unit...

"Patient Lefty" was already admitted to the clinic as the result of a friendly bet with unfortunate consequences...A local lesbian oil wrestler had bragged of her ability to tie a knot in a cherry stem with her tongue, and after "Patient Lefty's" challenge, the resulting entanglement in his pants could not be untied even with the help of local girl scout leaders experienced in knots, and the transplant received approval from Obamacare...

Dr. Tchytz preserved the brain tissue and connecting nerve for further study in a conveniently located fleshy sack under the transplanted organ...Mr. Longmember is not expected to notice the missing organ except for some slight confusion during men's room visits, and he will be temporarily housed in the Houston Zoo for observation before being allowed to return to his forest home...

The disfigured tissue removed from "Patient Lefty" will be preserved under an agreement with a local piano-roll museum operator who will display it as a curiosity in the "Other Specimens" wing of his gallery inside a sealed jar of Hamm's beer...

"Patient Lefty" had requested the services of Nurse Paula who declined because she is under contract to presidential candidate Phillbo during his campaign...Instead Obamacare has assigned the visiting nurse pictured below as his attending professional...

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