Stuntman and presidential candidate Phillbo dropped into the world record book today in an unplanned skydive...As we all know, Phillbo often travels incognito to escape the mobs of fans and well-wishers who follow his every move...In making a quick trip to Phoenix to renew his trampoline extended warranty contract, Phillbo avoided recognition by having himself placed in a coffin aboard a cargo plane...
Having settled in the coffin for the flight, Phillbo, who wears his parachute at all times, took advantage of the downtime and promptly fell asleep...Unknown to him, fugitive Lefty boarded the aircraft in an attempt to avoid a group of process servers...Phillbo was sleeping so soundly he did not waken when Lefty crawled into the coffin with him...
Once in flight, the pilot noticed a draft coming from a cargo door which had been left open by a careless baggage handler...Not wanting to lose time returning to the airport, the pilot continued on course and was forced to make a sudden gain in altitude to avoid a flock of geese migrating home to Dave Grubb's farm...The sudden maneuver caused the coffin to slide out the door resulting in a gaseous emission from Lefty...
The smell awakened Phillbo who was dreaming he had been thrown into a sulfur pit by vengeful lesbians...In his panic Phillbo pulled the ripcord and parachuted to safety...Lefty, who was wearing nothing but an "Elect Anthony Weiner" loincloth, quickly fashioned it into a wingsuit, and glided to a nudist nun enclave where he immediately applied for sanctuary...
Mother Superior Bernice Burlap is considering his application while Lefty is attempting to iron out the wrinkles in her scapular...
Shown below is Phillbo making a last second decision to jump...
Shown below is Phillbo making a last second decision to jump...
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