Noting the recent trend of Republican presidential candidates shifting their diets to the popular "paleo" or "caveman" diet, independent frontrunner Phillbo says that, as usual, they are following in his footsteps...Long known as the most self-reliant candidate on the campaign trail, Phillbo notes that the others are just catching on to methods he has practiced for years...
Always one to combine any useful activities in the cause of efficiency, Phillbo has been identified as a "gatherer" in his travels along the Arizona bike trails, as he collects various fruits, vegetables and roots for his table while getting needed exercise on his custom-made trail bike...Never known as a "hunter," he nonetheless gets ample protein from the wildlife that volunteers for his meals...
The latest example is the number of birds nesting in the trees shading his backyard trampoline which generously provide a steady supply of eggs for his diet...They announce their availability by pecking the heads of his on-site nudist lesbian staff who then use the trampoline to gather enough eggs from the nest for Phillbo's daily omelettes...
One of Phillbo's campaign watchers, Lefty, has noted that candidates Jeb Bush and Rick Perry have begun dining on Taco Bell breakfast burritos made with locally obtained mockingbird eggs...Both candidates removed the mockingbird from the endangered species list of their respective states in their final acts before leaving their governors' offices...
Lefty obtained the evidence from their discarded Taco Bell sacks as they enter the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium on their frequent trips to gain the confidence of poofter voters...Lefty says this is clear indication that their spies are watching and reporting Phillbo's habits as they play a desperate game of catch-up on the road to the White House...
Shown below is a typical breakfast prepared by Phillbo's dietitian, Nurse Paula, garnished with choice peppers from the Wacojoe Jalapeño Nursery, and ham slices smoked by Dave Grubb from a feral hog which volunteered itself in front of his Ford diesel truck...
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