In response to our previous news item concerning Puffy Cravinmore, the latest addition to the population of the Hobby Airport Bath House District, LeftyInTheNews has received urgent messages from the HABHD chapter of PETA (Poofters Excitedly Touching Animals) in regard to the dog assigned to protect Ms. Cravinmore by her benefactor, Gristmill Mikey...In a mostly incoherent email, a PETA representative expressed concern that the dog (which Gristmill Mikey had named Chomper) had undergone a species reassignment, and demanded to know details of the operation...Our intrepid reporter tracked down Mikey on a jobsite where he is remodeling the former home of the late and lamented SBA, who was the nemesis to the Houston City Council as well as the operator of the Hobby Airport Piano Roll Museum, and obtained an interview...
When told of the laughable concerns by PETA members for the welfare of the newly transformed guard dog, the laconic Mikey broke into one his rare smiles which have been known to induce stroke conditions in some faint-hearted observers...He said he first heard of the animal when he was contacted by Truckman who knew of an accident in Conroe involving a hapless alligator...Knowing of Mikey's fondness for animals, he suggested the gator might be coaxed out of the swamp where it could be examined and cared for...Mikey immediately rode his Honda Goldwing with its sidecar to Conroe, and ignoring the warnings from horrified officials, he walked into the swamp where the gator had last been seen...
The gator was quickly found chewing on the tires of the same Prius which had run over and injured its tail...Knowing a kindred spirit when it found one, the gator docilely followed Mikey, and obediently climbed into the Honda's sidecar, riding off with him to the astonishment of onlookers...After reaching the Hobby Airport area, Mikey sought a medical assessment of the gator from Dr. Horace Tchytz of the Braniff Street Gender Reassignment Clinic & Bait Shop knowing that the doctor holds dual degrees as a sex change specialist and veterinarian...Using these skills, the doctor suggested that the tail was too damaged for proper healing and the alligator would live a more productive life with a species reassignment as a dog...Mikey agreed, and the operation was performed in exchange for some expansion work to Dr. Tchytz's bait shop where he repurposes the unneeded parts remaining after poofter gender reassignments...
The animal recovered quickly, and happily went home with Mikey where it accepted training for its new life as a guard dog...Mikey said the only out-of-pocket expenses involved occurred when he decided the dog would look more natural without its normal "gator green" skin, so using some leftover house paint from a remodeling job, the dog is now brown...Asked what the dog eats, Mikey said he doesn't really know as it seems to forage for itself while roaming the neighborhood, although he did observe that coincidentally many of the ne'er-do-well criminal types in the Bath House District now appear to be amputees...Chomper also seems quite happy in its new role as a guard dog, and Puffy Cravinmore reports that new attempts to rob her have dropped to zero, while the dog quickly adapted to riding on the buddy seat of her BMW motorcycle...
The only question remaining unanswered was the disposition of the gator's tail which was removed in the species reassignment operation...Bath house towel boy, Lefty, who also serves as a clerk for Dr. Tchytz's bait shop suggested the flesh could be added to the bait inventory, while Lefty's brother, RightHandMan, made a bid for the skin...RHM envisioned it being used as a custom codpiece after tanning by his taxidermist, and placed for sale to his high end clients at his male lingerie boutique...However, Gristmill Mikey, being a humanitarian, donated the tail to the Hobby Airport Food Bank where it was barbequed and served to the HABHD homeless...Fuel for the event was unknowingly donated by the estate of the late SBA as shown below...
