Hair stylist accused of breaching non-compete clause, sued by former employer...

http://louisianarecord.com/news/267356-hair-stylist-accused-of-breaching-non-compete-clause-sued-by-former-employer

The Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium's newest associate is already embroiled in a legal fight with his/her previous employer...Fedora "Butch" Jenner was hired in the newly created unisex hatcheck person position in a cost saving move by the bath house's executive board...

The industrious and innovative transgender Butch immediately thought of new ways to improve the level of service while augmenting his/her paycheck...Adding a barber chair and a shoeshine box quickly increased traffic as Butch became the resident unisex hairstylist and shine person...

Towel boy Lefty, overdue for a mullet trim, decided to take advantage of the advertised "package deal" and get his shoes shined as well...Since he was wearing his US Keds which can't be shined, he opted for a brushing followed by having his knob polished instead...

He was satisfied with the job, but disappointed in finding out "package deal" didn't mean an even trade for his "package"...He paid anyway, adding a nickel tip, and told lesbian powder room attendant Latrina what a great deal he got...

After hearing of Lefty's knob polishing, the enraged Latrina filed a breach-of-contract lawsuit with famed attorney, Mr. C.N. Spitt, Esq. claiming she had exclusive rights to polish knobs on the premises...Latrina had previously hired Butch as a part-time knob polisher to handle client overload until Butch's regular position was secured..

After gaining the hatcheck position, Butch was contractually barred from polishing knobs for profit by the "no-compete" clause he/she had signed with Latrina...Mr. Spitt said he would have to submit into evidence a comparison of polishing jobs to assure the court of equal performance levels...

Latrina and Butch both agreed to demonstrate on the judge and each jury member in the courtroom, and each is confident of a victory in court...In lieu of the standard bribes, a raffle is being held to determine judge and jury selections, and the court reporter will offer video copies in the courthouse lobby for a nominal fee...

Shown below is the sign to be hung on each knob while court is in session...

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Loaded girl smuggled into county jail found in load of dirty laundry...

http://www.jsonline.com/news/crime/loaded-gun-smuggled-into-county-jail-found-in-load-of-dirty-laundry-loaded-gun-smuggled-into-county--293744931.html

Locally famous towel boy and frequent visitor to the Harris County jail Lefty must now explain how a loaded girl, tentatively identified as his girlfriend Latrina, managed to be smuggled into his cell in a load of laundry...Previously Lefty won kudos from prison officials for his idea to offset the costs of his repeated incarcerations by accepting outside work for the prison laundry...

However the first shipment, delivered from a Hobby Airport bath house for poofters, caused alarm because of its unusual odor...The bundle was brought to Lefty's cell where a contraband-sniffing dog alerted to the distinct smell of a particular rum distilled from green bananas and sweet potatoes only in the island nation of Barmaidia...

Concealed in the laundry basket was the passed out female reeking of the pungent and almost undrinkable liquor, and clad only in a thong marked "For Rental Only"...Lefty at first denied any knowledge of her, but a lesbian guard identified her as the lesbian powder room attendant of the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium where Lefty is employed as a towel boy...

After her detoxification and de-lousing, she confessed to interviewers that she wanted to be near her lover, and arranged to have herself smuggled in with the laundry...Unfortunately, she consumed the entire bottle of rum she brought to share with Lefty, and was rendered  unconscious during her journey...

As new charges are now being considered against Latrina and Lefty, famed attorney, Mr. C.N. Spitt, Esq. already present on his own jury-tampering conviction, agreed to represent her on a pro boner basis...Mr. Spitt and Latrina were relocated to adjoining cells for better access to each other's briefs...

Pictured below is a prison artist's rendition of Latrina's discovery currently being passed around among inmates, just as Latrina herself is expected to be...

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Lesbo Aliens Unhappy with Shortage of Bilingual Doctors...

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Minimum Wage Hikes Force Bath House To Raise Pay At Hobby Airport...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/12/24/walmart-minimum-wage_n_6376912.html?utm_hp_ref=business

Spurred by the demands of a lesbian powder room attendant, newly hired under the Obama administration's Latin American immigration quota standards, the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium's executive committee governing compensation issues has been forced to raise minimum lesbian wages to a level matching their male counterparts...The complainant, whose name is listed as Latrina from the island nation of Barmaidia, listed her occupation as a bath house knob polisher, but was known to have ties to gay revolutionary organizations...

Her reputation as an agitator surfaced immediately after she learned that male poofter men's room attendants earned 42 cents per hour plus tips, a full four cents more than lesbians performing the same duties in sapphic powder rooms...Defending the pay disparity, senior men's room attendant RHM said his duties were worth the extra money since he was required to wipe the sweat from between his clients' belly fat rolls in addition to keeping their cigars lit on their men's room visits...

Latrina argued that RHM's bath house salary is nothing compared to the wealth he has accumulated from his male lingerie boutique which he operates inside the poofter men's room...She said her clientele decline such finery, preferring instead to dress in male boxer shorts and undershirts when not nude, imitating their idol, professional lesbian oil wrestling champion, Mazola McLeglock...

The dispute was settled by arbitrator and chief towel boy Lefty, following a three-way "conference" behind closed doors between him, Latrina and midget lesbian security guard, Deputy Dumpy Bunny...Lefty announced that a threatened strike was cancelled as committee members agreed to raise lesbian wages to 40 cents while lowering poofter wages to the same amount...

RHM did not protest the change when he learned that IRS agents would no longer audit his tip jar on their frequent bath house visits on the promise of a discounted door fee for federal employees...Meanwhile Lefty changed his Facebook status to indicate he is now dating Latrina, as well as Dumpy Bunny and Ms. McLeglock on alternate Thursdays...

Shown below, part of a multi-agency task force prepares to enter the bath house on a daily unannounced lunchtime compliance inspection...

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Hillary Clinton Said to Be Setting Up Headquarters in Hobby Airport...

http://www.newsweek.com/hillary-clinton-brooklyn-politico-campaign-319650

After being advised to "get back to the people" in her bid to become the first lesbian US President, Hillary Clinton has chosen to set up her campaign headquarters in the lesbian powder room of the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium...In view of her invaluable service to her country, Ms. Clinton demanded the corner stall under the main exhaust vent, but was told by powder room attendant Latrina that the stall next to the door was the only one available to her...

Latrina, a refugee and guerrilla freedom fighter from the totalitarian island state of Barmaidia, instinctively resisted taking orders from a power-hungry politician...Hiding her rage, and aware she was being watched by the persistent press vultures ready to catch the slightest slip up, Ms. Clinton graciously accepted the assigned stall, and informed Latrina to expect a crew of contractors to install her desk, phone lines, cable connections and a dedicated power line for her new email server...

In a press statement, Ms. Clinton said, "The right of lesbians to freely assemble in the nude, and vote for the candidate of our choice is a sacred one, and my administration will protect that right if it takes the last penny of the taxpayers' money"...Towel boy, and now liaison to the poofter community for Ms. Clinton's campaign, Lefty, added, "As a longtime observer of lesbian movements, I can assure the American rugmunchers that I stand right behind them, and will bend over backwards in their support"...

Hobby Airport handyman, Gristmill Mikey, went right to work converting Ms. Clinton's toilet stall into a suite of offices, saying this about the budget he was allowed, "I've worked for cheap bosses before this, I know how to make an apple crate look like polished mahogany"...Former President Bill Clinton, an observer of the lesbian scene from a peephole in the towel boys' locker room, promised a "hands-off position" in his wife's bid for his old job...

Mr. Clinton had little explanation for the fresh black eye he displayed following his wife's interview of her new personal assistant, saying with a chuckle, "They shouldn't put those doorknobs at eye level like that, ha-ha-ha"...In an attempt to show solidarity with her main body of supporters, Ms. Clinton has scheduled an exhibition match with former nude lesbian oil wrestling champion, Mazola McLeglock, although Mr. Clinton's offer to referee was nixed by the candidate...

Shown below is a partial view of Gristmill Mikey's conversion of Ms. Clinton's new toilet stall office, which he admits is mostly illusion much like candidate Clinton's campaign promises...

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Total eclipse provides a spectacular celestial show...

http://www.smh.com.au/world/total-solar-eclipse-provides-a-spectacular-celestial-show-20150320-1m4cra.html

A rare sight presented itself for astral watchers today as the total eclipse of a lesbian moon was captured by the camera in South Houston...The event occurred as two everyday incidents happened simultaneously...

Shortly after lunch, the Chief of Security for the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium, Big "Tiny" Balsac, was returning from his daily exercise period in which he walks across the street to Spec's Liquor Store for another six-pack of Hamm's beer...At this moment, lesbian powder room attendant Latrina was backing out the door to avoid the usual unwanted advances of towel boy Lefty...

The two distracted employees collided, and for a brief moment Latrina's perfectly shaped moon was totally engulfed by the protruding belly of Mr. Balsac...In the same way that two magnets will resist contact with each other, the two instantly repelled each other in mutual shock at the brief union...

Mr. Balsac, who ordinarily avoids all female contact due to his unfavorable past experiences, returned to Spec's for extra supplies to get through the afternoon...Latrina was last seen in the arms of certified grief counselor, Mazola McLeglock, who will attempt to talk her through the traumatic experience in a private therapy room...

The moment of collision was captured by an alert news photographer and is pictured below for our readers...

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Woman ‘hit boyfriend in the head with baseball bat because she didn’t want to date him anymore’...

http://metro.co.uk/2015/04/15/woman-hit-boyfriend-in-the-head-with-baseball-bat-because-she-didnt-want-to-date-him-anymore-5152363/

In a press release from the office of Dr. Tchytz, Lefty wants his fan base to know he is feeling better and recovering from the mild concussion suffered from the latest rejection of his advances from lesbian powder room attendant, Latrina...After scoring two tickets for the afternoon batting practice at the nudist nun softball camp while cleaning out one of the lockers in the poofter hot tub lounge, Lefty said he was merely wanting to share his good fortune with his co-worker, Latrina...

Latrina stated later that she intended no harm to Lefty, but he accidentally timed his approach with her demonstration of her batting stance, and regrettably walked into the forestroke from her 42 ounce Louisville Slugger...She further said she had been assigned batting coach duty as her penance following confession of her sins to Mother Superior Slinky that same morning...

She regrets the pain caused to Lefty almost as much as the time it will take to get the Brylcreem stain off the Babe Ruth signature on her antique bat...Lefty declined her offer of the loan of her Miami Marlins baseball cap to hide the new, very visible mark on his head...

While waiting for his head to clear (to which possibility Dr.Tchytz declined comment), Lefty commissioned tattoo artist Sidecar Sophie for the inkwork pictured below to cover up the backward "Louisville Slugger" brand now permanently implanted on his head...Sidecar Sophie pronounced it some of her best work since there have been no complaints of misspelling...

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U.S. Licenses Fairy Service to Operate Cuba Route...

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/06/world/americas/us-licenses-ferry-service-to-operate-cuba-route.html?_r=1

The gradual widening of poofter relations between the governments of Cuba and the United states took a giant step as the first licensed fairy service was launched from Key West, Florida to the port of Havana...Previously vacationing poofters had to use the roundabout method of slow Caribbean banana boats, or take their chances with the speedy cigar smugglers in order to visit the bath houses of Havana...

The efforts of Cuban exile Chico Piñata finally paid off as the Obama administration okayed the first legal fairy service to the island in decades, following the President's successful hot tub summit with gay Cuban dictator, Raúl Castro...Piñata will operate the charter service as a reward for his long-time efforts and also his bribes to the Democrat representatives in South Florida...

The show schedule for the popular Cuban sport of donkey training has been expanded to three events daily, and a pari-mutuel betting window has opened at the arena between the cigar stand and the rum fountains...Plans for the dog racing track have been suspended as the only dogs left on the island continue to attempt outrunning the street taco vendors in search of ingredients...

Militant lesbian political refugee, Latrina, having escaped from the neighboring island-nation of Barmaidia is not happy with the changes as she believes it will lead to the legitimization of the despotic lesbian dictator regime which continues to rule her homeland...Shown below is the bearded lesbian dictator from whose slavery Latrina managed to escape...

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Scientists Find No Evidence of Illegal Alien Life in 100,000 Bath House members...

http://www.morningledger.com/scientists-find-no-evidence-of-alien-life-in-100000-galaxies/139375/

Just returned from his extensive nationwide study of poofter bath houses, Dr. Lefty of the Lesbian Propulsion Laboratory reports conclusive evidence that undocumented homos are being denied entry to traditional gay recreation facilities...In his report, Dr. Lefty apologizes for the circuitous route through which he traveled, but as always he attempts to avoid jurisdictions where he may still be named on any active warrants...

Even so, states the scientist, analysis of his data shows a startling lack of nonnative names on poofter and lesbian bath house membership rolls, while the list of service personnel in these businesses has a more international flavor...As examples, he cites the Hobby Airport locality of his own research facility, where clients' names are distinctly upper-class American, while lower-echelon workers answer to names more common overseas...

To illustrate his point, lesbian powder room attendant Latrina is a political refugee from the bearded lesbian dictator of the island-nation of Barmaidia...Dr. Lefty said he at first couldn't decipher her turndowns of his requests for a date in her native language, but the slaps in his face are understood worldwide...

He lists Armenia as well represented in the worker ranks with doorman Big "Tiny" Balsac, and massage table operator Tesla D...Dr. Lefty further explained that Tesla D's last name cannot be pronounced by western tongues, and yet her own tongue has earned her unprecedented tips from her lesbian clientele, although she cannot offer proof of her residency being legal...

Valet parking garage attendant, Speedo Hardhatter, who was deported from his South American country of Uragay for attempting to import Brazilian wax jobs for poofters without paying the customs duties, also cannot offer proper documentation when asked...Speedo is suspected of conducting his wax business now in the back seats of autos left in his care by poofters as they frolic in gay abandon in the bath house...

However, Dr. Lefty in his guise as a towel boy, reports that homo bath house clients do not speak with an accent when inquiring what happened to their wallets and watches in the locker rooms where he was left in charge...He also claims that his demands for an investigation by the Obama administration into the obvious racial imbalances are not an attempt to divert investigators away from charges against him for locker pilferage...

Pictured below, Vice President Joe Biden accepts the duty of chairman of the Senate Bath House Racial Unification Committee in the waning days of the Obama administration...

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Lesbian political action committee endorses Phillbo...

http://www.windycitymediagroup.com/lgbt/Lesbian-political-action-committee-endorses-Clinton-/51145.html

Hillary Clinton's dubious choice of a toilet stall in the powder room of a lesbian bath house for her campaign headquarters may start to pay off in her race for the Presidency...One of the newer voting blocs in the country, the Bisexual Union of Transgenders Political Action Committee (BUTPAC) has announced their support and endorsement of her campaign...

However, an even larger and potentially more powerful group remains steadfastly behind perennial candidate Phillbo, refusing to even consider another contender...Begun as a grassroots organization in Scottsdale Arizona, "Lesbos Go Phillbo" maintains that the only candidate who truly has a feel for lesbianism, and keeps an active hand in their activities is Phillbo...

Having always considered himself a lesbian of a different anatomy, Phillbo first gained their confidence as a visiting trampoline tuner at the various women-only nudist camps surrounding the Scottsdale area...After opening his one-bedroom home to many otherwise homeless young lesbians, Phillbo further earned their trust by pledging his vast political war chest to a court fight to ensure their rights to practice their beliefs...

BUTPAC chairperson, Fedora "Butch" Jenner, the transgender hatcheck person at the Hobby Airport bath house where Ms. Clinton established her command post, admits it will be a long hard struggle to overcome Phillbo's lead, but hopes to gain the swing vote of the swinger community...Meanwhile lesbian powder room attendant, Latrina, who denied Ms. Clinton her preferred campaign toilet stall continues to wear her "I Go Phillbo" campaign button (while wearing little else) as she goes about her duties...

As shown below, the Phillbo campaign, which carries the ringing endorsement of the powerful and influential Truckman Publishing Group, will continue to wave the same instantly recognizable electioneering banners as in previous contests...

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HA performs world's first penis transplant...

http://mg.co.za/article/2015-03-14-sa-performs-worlds-first-penis-transplant

Always on the cutting edge (so to speak) of groundbreaking medical procedures, Dr. Tchytz of the Hobby Airport Gender Reassignment Clinic & Bait Shop has announced the first successful complete penile transplant in history...The unnamed recipient, rumored to be a local towel boy as well as Dr. Tchytz's bait shop manager, is reported to be in stable condition following a brief period of post-surgical missteps...

A spokesman for the clinic reports that visitations for the patient are now limited to family only, with the exception of his sister Slinky who suffers from a rare allergy to clothing...Referred to by the code name "Patient Lefty" to protect his identity, his surgical stitches were mysteriously breaking after visits from personnel from a nearby bath house, including Mazola McLeglock, Latrina and Sidecar Sophie...

The stitch ruptures finally abated completely when his cable TV privileges were reduced to only the Cartoon Network and the Hindu Channel, removing all porn channels...The donor of the transplanted organ is reported to be notorious mountain man "Bearclaw" Longmember, who was receiving a court-ordered lobotomy to reduce his amorous tendencies which were endangering forest creatures near Longmember's wilderness home...

Longmember first made the news in an unfortunate incident on national television, and soon gained the attention of PETA officials who filed suit on behalf of the local moose and grizzly population...At the time of the lobotomy, Dr. Tchytz discovered a direct nerve connection between Longmember's brain and his protuberance, and the decision was made to remove it all as a unit...

"Patient Lefty" was already admitted to the clinic as the result of a friendly bet with unfortunate consequences...A local lesbian oil wrestler had bragged of her ability to tie a knot in a cherry stem with her tongue, and after "Patient Lefty's" challenge, the resulting entanglement in his pants could not be untied even with the help of local girl scout leaders experienced in knots, and the transplant received approval from Obamacare...

Dr. Tchytz preserved the brain tissue and connecting nerve for further study in a conveniently located fleshy sack under the transplanted organ...Mr. Longmember is not expected to notice the missing organ except for some slight confusion during men's room visits, and he will be temporarily housed in the Houston Zoo for observation before being allowed to return to his forest home...

The disfigured tissue removed from "Patient Lefty" will be preserved under an agreement with a local piano-roll museum operator who will display it as a curiosity in the "Other Specimens" wing of his gallery inside a sealed jar of Hamm's beer...

"Patient Lefty" had requested the services of Nurse Paula who declined because she is under contract to presidential candidate Phillbo during his campaign...Instead Obamacare has assigned the visiting nurse pictured below as his attending professional...

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