Showing her Democrat inspired thinking, Houston's lame-duck, lesbian Mayor Parker has suggested that city government take advantage of the lower nationwide burrito prices, and hike the tax on the excess gas they are known to produce...The mayor justifies her position by saying that the popular Taco Bell menu items are known to produce excess methane gas causing a "greenhouse effect"...
A spokesperson close to the mayor explained further, "The mayor wants a greenhouse built over her swimming pool, and this is as good an excuse as any to get it done at taxpayer expense before she is run out of office"...The spokesperson, who asked to remain anonymous, was later identified as towel boy Lefty, who was on hand to maintain the temperature in the mayor's hot tub...
Burrito prices have been plummeting as a backlash against North Korean poofter dictator Kim Jong-un's hypocritical ban on them in his country, although they are acknowledged as a favorite of homos around the world...Their popularity, and the voluminous clouds of gas they produce, seem most heavily concentrated in the bath house district of the Hobby Airport area...
A long time resident of the neighborhood, and proprietor of a Braniff Street museum housing antique pianos and piano rolls (some of which he bought new in the Grover Cleveland administration) has been among the most vocal opponents of the mayor's plan...As a volunteer advisor to Houston's city council on vital soil permeation issues, he spoke up after the mayor's proclamation, "This bimbo rugmuncher doesn't care about us veterans on fixed incomes!...Let her try to live on a ship oiler's pension!"...
It is thought he was referring to his service on the ill-fated Edmund Fitzgerald before he was asked to leave over safety issues relating to the shipboard air quality resulting from a gastro-intestinal malady...The point was lost when the KHOU news unit suddenly blocked his wifi signal just before he sent an angry email to city council members, causing the enraged veteran to barricade himself in his armored communications tower until the problem was resolved...
As of this reporting, the resident's long-suffering daughter was trying to convince Hobby Airport Police SWAT units that he really is unarmed, and a call to the VA Clinic will get his medications adjusted allowing him to calm down...The young beauty queen is shown below advising the officers to don their hazmat gear and wipe their feet before entering the house...
Update: Neighborhood Watch captain Dan files this report from curbside -
City sanitation workers are on the scene and all laundry services requisitioned. Investigators, acting on a tip from Taco Bell, have detained Lefty for interrogation, and fumigation. The Mayor will hold a debriefing session today with city leaders, stating "We must get down to the bare facts!"
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