Science and technology reporter Dan has submitted this story, "In a confidential memo leaked by a NASA insider, after he caught Lefty taking a leak on the new Space Shuttle, it is reported reportedly that Lefty has volunteered to be the 'First Poofter In Space', and he now in in training for the mission. He reported in to NASA this morning wearing his new space suit, which was designed by the Men's Wearhouse in Splendora. The suit, of course, is various shade of pink and purple, Lefty's traditional colors, except for the trapdoor in the rear which is brown to match Lefty's outcome of the voyage. There was a problem this afternoon when the announcer announced "We have ignition" on the lift-off which turned out to be a flatulation sparked by static electricity in Lefty's briefs, as reported in the de-briefing, and required being sent to the laundry."
Update: Our editorial staff is continually surprised that Lefty has enough time in the day for all his activities...Just today it was announced that Lefty and five other alleged men (pictured below) are set to open a new water park tentatively named "Six Fags Over Hobby"...Lefty was selected for the project because of his extensive experience with hot tubs, urinals, toilets and other water rides...The adult-only theme park will feature several concession lounges featuring the latest in thongs, loincloths, codpieces and soap-on-a-rope from RHM's Secret, the world renowned poofter boutique...
Brochures and advance tickets may be picked up at Lefty's business office on Braniff Street...
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