Lefty's girlfriend gets new sponsor...

As we all know, Lefty's latest girlfriend is professional nude oil wrestler Mazola McLeglock...She replaces his former girlfriend and attorney, the Cascade Kitchen Counselor, who was convicted of causing a commotion under the judge's robe in the bribery phase of Lefty's latest trial...She is now doing hard time in the Annise Parker Correctional Institute on Montrose Avenue...

As always Lefty is concerned with maximizing his girlfriend's income, and knows that all wrestlers have commercial sponsors...Most wrestlers sell advertising on the backs of their robes, but Ms. McLeglock is contractually required to appear nude everywhere she goes and therefore has no robe...

Lefty solved the dilemma by having a "W" tattooed on each of her butt cheeks...The arena announcer introduces her as, "Mazola McLeglock sponsored by Harry Butts Plumbing Company"...After the introduction, she takes a deep bow at which time the tattoos combine with her anatomy to spell out "WOW," reminding viewers of the sponsor's slogan, "Wow, it's Harry Butts"...

We join Lefty in cheering on Mazola in her quest for the top prize in the oil wrestling profession, the coveted Pennzoil Cup...

Update: As we remember, Lefty is among the most frugal and thrifty of us all, and has proven it once again...After watching Mazola in her nude pre-match warmup routine, Lefty asked her to do a handstand against the wall with her back towards him...She then spread her legs as Lefty hung a sign between her feet reading, "Happy Mother's Day"...

Upside down her tattooed derriere now reads "MOM," and after snapping a quick Polaroid of the moment, Lefty has a card to send his Mom without spending a penny...

Shown below are Mazola's new tattoos, followed by her sponsor's corporate logo...

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'Dancing with the Stars' season 18 cast revealed, includes sissyweight fighter, RHM...

http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv-movies/dancing-stars-season-18-cast-revealed-article-1.1709955

High ratings are almost assured for DWTS as sissyweight fighter and poofter boutique owner, RHM, has been signed for the cast...RHM excitedly explained, "I'm just all aglow!...I have to start designing my wardrobe now!...I need to order more lace and glitter today!"...

Although no dance partner for RHM has yet been found, professional nude oil wrestler, Mazola McLeglock, is said to be a strong contender...Mazola's manager/trainer/boyfriend/bitch Lefty explains, "I can testify that Mazola definitely knows how to lead, on the dance floor and everywhere else"...

Gay porn star and RHM's former ring opponent, Arnold Swollenpecker, is another candidate...Says Arnold, "I know our last meeting turned into a slapfest in the third round, but I think we can be professionals on the dance floor"...

Shown below are two failed competitors who couldn't measure up to poofter standards on the dance floor...

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Archaeological team unearths oldest lesbian grave...

http://www.foxnews.com/science/2013/10/21/oops-etruscan-warrior-prince-really-princess/

The renowned team of Professor Lefty of the Institute for Advanced Lesbian Studies, and his girlfriend, Mazola McLeglock, professional oil wrestler and switch-hitter, have uncovered evidence in Italy of the earliest known lesbian gravesite...The grave contained two bodies, a six-foot "warrior princess" thought to be a local oil-wrestling champion and what was originally identified as her midget husband...

Further forensic evidence concluded that the midget was a smaller statured woman wearing a strap-on device, and was identified as a member of an ancient order of dwarf Druid priestesses thought to be involved in pagan nude wrestling exhibitions...The fact that he/she was buried next to the warrior princess might indicate that the two were married in a primitive lesbian ceremony...

In a press release, Prof. Lefty stated, "It might also mean they got drunk in a lesbo orgy and passed out in a cemetery, after which they were buried by a hungover gravedigger"...

Prof. Lefty pointed out evidence of several jars of extra-virgin olive oil which might have been used in a wrestling religious sacrament along with a tip jar containing several coins...The pizza crusts found in the grave were later identified as being left over from Dr. Lefty's lunch delivered by a gay Domino's driver from Naples...

Update: In the interest of science, Prof. Lefty and Ms. McLeglock have decided to attempt to recreate the ancient pagan marriage ritual of the Druid lesbian sect...Not having completed his translation of the Druid marriage manual, Prof. Lefty failed to realize the significance of his part as the centerpiece of the lesbian wedding ceremony...

Prof. Lefty was all smiles when the seven nude priestesses appeared along with his girlfriend, Mazola...But not until they strapped on their sacred ritual dildos, did he begin to worry...Each dildo was faithfully recreated in the ancient Tuscan tradition, being made of solid bronze and topped with a polished granite knob...Not until the seven priestesses had their way with Prof. Lefty would the lesbian goddesses be satisfied that his marriage to Mazola was consummated...

Prof. Lefty will be spending the next several weeks lying on his stomach in a Roman convalescence home until doctors are satisfied he can walk upright again...He is said to be resting in a dark, quiet room in the poofter wing of the hospital where his occasional screams won't disturb the other patients...

Shown below is part of the hieroglyph panel the team was attempting to re-create...

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Detainees fork over demands to gay caucus...

http://www.yourhoustonnews.com/courier/news/detainees-fork-over-demands-to-ice-geo/article_e90ff06e-e523-5e94-94ff-6aecdcc37857.html

Warden Lefty of the Conroe Lesbian Detention Center reports today that negotiations have ceased between his staff and the rioting inmates in his custody...The warden's offer of himself as a hostage until demands could be settled was rejected unanimously by the lesbian inmates...

The trouble began following the weekend arrest of professional nude oil wrestler, Mazola McLeglock, during his/her scheduled grudge match against the tag team of gay pornstar, Arnold Swollenpecker, and sissyweight prizefighter, RHM...McLeglock was accused by referee Ifar Toften of an illegal step-over-toehold which is a felony under the rules of the Splendora Gay Athletic League which sponsored the match...

During the investigation McLeglock made a countercharge accusing RHM of wearing a strap-on dildo instead of the mandated jockstrap...Referee Toften, after a thorough 10 minute examination, ruled the codpiece legal under East Montgomery County sporting and cockfight rules, and McLeglock was remanded to the custody of Warden Lefty...

As of this writing, the lesbian detainees, who are being held in the nudist wing of the detention center, have presented a list of demands to the gay caucus of the US Senate which has promised a swift review after all proper bribes have been collected and counted...Meanwhile Warden Lefty continues to observe the nude rioting detainees by way of a closed circuit TV system installed in his office where he has vowed to stay with his beanbag chair and supply of Cheetos until the crisis is solved...

Pictured below is Warden Lefty preparing to review security footage from the nudist lesbian wing of the prison...

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Beer exec Hamm ordered to pay ex-wife $1B...

http://thehill.com/policy/energy-environment/223628-oil-exec-hamm-ordered-to-pay-ex-wife-1b

In a stunning setback, the patriarch of the Hamm's Brewing Co. family has been ordered to pay his ex-wife the sum of one billion dollars in a historic divorce settlement...As the scion of the family fortune and guardian of the secret (although distorted by centuries of mishandling) formula for Hamm's beer, Hocker Hamm thought his position was safe until he was thwarted by an unhappy, and unfaithful wife...

To briefly recap family history, Hamm's beer has been a favorite beverage of bath house towel boys and men's room attendants since the first batch was brewed by an escaped Egyptian slave, Igoleft the Lesser...Since those first successful years, its quality slipped to the point where today even the most generous of beer critics refer to it as "rancid swill," and yet it has inexplicably lost none of its popularity in bath house commissaries...

But Hocker Hamm mistakenly became convinced that no misbehavior on his part could ever drive a wedge between himself and his wife, Lickreesha...Becoming convinced that Hocker's frequent overnight bath house visits were more than mere business trips, Lickreesha began a liaison with professional nude oil wrestling champion, Mazola McLeglock, and shortly thereafter filed for divorce...

The epic courtroom battle between famed divorce attorney, Mr. C.N. Spitt, Esq. representing Hocker, and the recently reinstated Cascade Kitchen Counselor for Lickreesha, took place before Judge SBA who was recalled to the bench because of his vast experience in divorce cases, mostly his own...After several evidentiary hearings in which Judge SBA considered the bribe offerings from both sides of the courtroom, he decided in favor of Lickreesha on her promise of an antique player piano for the judge's personal collection...

In addition, a complete liquidation of Hocker Hamm's assets was ordered to be administered by the auction house of Lefty & RHM, Ltd...The auctioneers will collect their standard commissions from the sales, less a mandatory kickback to be credited to the judge's Spec's Liquor Store revolving account...

Speaking from the auction house headquarters located in a converted shipping container behind Judge SBA's palatial Braniff Street mansion, auctioneer Lefty responded to questions concerning whether Hamm's beer quality will continue to slip in popularity and quality...Lefty offered this statement, "Well, it still tastes OK if it's cold enough, but the best thing you can say about is, it ain't Coors"...

Pictured below is Judge SBA, still in his courtroom attire, enjoying the new addition to his antique piano collection...

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Iran supreme leader taunts U.S. poofter to fight Islamic State champ...

http://uk.reuters.com/article/2014/09/15/uk-iraq-crisis-france-idUKKBN0HA0F120140915

In a statement clearly designed to raise the ire of senior US bath house officials, radical Islamic poofter, Iranian Minister of Steamrooms, Ayatollah Leph te Rashitch, has challenged American bath house sportsmen to produce a fighter to go up against their new British champion...Iranian born Liqit Youssef was crowned sissyweight champion of the Islamic State United Kingdom (ISUK) last night in a quick decision over french challenger, Florian LePoof...

LePoof cried "foul" at the decision, saying he was momentarily overcome by what he termed as "an unfair advantage"...The ISUK champion is known to consume a ritual lunch of curdled goat cheese and Red Sea sardine sandwiches before every bout, ensuring that his breath also has a knockout punch...

Ayatollah Leph te boasted that all American fighters are weaklings, and no one can stand up to the jihad punch of Liqit Youssef...US poofters quickly fired back an answer, saying that ranked contender RHM can go the distance with any ISUK sissyweight...

Although RHM has had no championship bouts, he has already fought to a standstill in exhibition matches with gay pornstar, Arnold Swollenpecker, and lesbian nude oil wrestler, Mazola Mcleglock...But they say his main advantage is that he lives with his brother Lefty, who is also his trainer/manager, and has been immune all his life to the garbage-dump breath that is said to be Liqit Youssef's "secret weapon"...

In a hastily called press conference, Manager Lefty stated that RHM has the full backing of the prestigious Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium in any match, sanctioned or not...Said Lefty, "My boy will go jihad all over this skinny muslim's butt whether it's in the ring or in a back alley"...

Las Vegas oddsmakers are calling this match an even bet as neither fighter has a punch hard enough to knock over a sick cat...However, bidding is already skyrocketing from concessionaires looking for exclusive rights to sell Febreze and oxygen masks at what is almost certain to be an open-air fight...

In a slap at Manager Lefty's profession as a towel boy, the Ayatollah said he should remember to steal a bath house towel to throw in the ring after Youssef knocks RHM out...Lefty replied that Youssef should try to borrow LePoof's white flag to hang on his pants pole to signal a quick surrender as he enters the ring...

In this unusual bout, the highest priced seats are said to be the ones farthest from the ring, and consequently from the smell...RHM  has been seen at the Taco Bell training table (pictured below) everyday working to get his weight up to the minimum 89 pounds for the sissyweight class...

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FOOFA President Seepy Bladder stuns poofter world, saying he will resign...

http://www.latimes.com/sports/sportsnow/la-sp-sepp-blatter-to-resign-20150602-story.html

The poofter sports world met surprise today as their governing body, FOOFA, announced the resignation of its recently re-elected president, Seepy Bladder, in the face of of a new corruption investigation...INTERPOOF, the gay crimes investigative agency, has assigned Inspector Lefty to the case, and he says he will get to the bottom of it if he has to question every lesbian stripper in the area...twice...

After beginning his investigation with his usual canvassing of topless bars in the Hobby Airport vicinity, Inspector Lefty widened his search area by interviewing the coach of the lesbian Olympic team, Mazola McLeglock, who was conducting a training session for the nude leapfrog mixed doubles hopefuls...His investigation was hampered somewhat when he was whacked behind the knees with a nightstick by security guard, Deputy Dumpy Bunny, who observed him peeping through a window in the lesbian shower room of the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium...

He explained to the deputy that he was gathering evidence, then showed her his credentials, zipped back up, and was freed to go with a warning...After receiving information from an anonymous informant, RHM, that Bladder had been observed in the bath house, Inspector Lefty gained entrance to the poofter-only hot tub area...

Not having an accurate description of the Belgian poofter, Seepy Bladder, Inspector Lefty inquired of Hot Tub Temperature Manager, Chico Piñata (here on an exchange towel boy work visa from the Obama Administration), and was told to look for Bladder's trademark yellow-tinged hot tub water...Bladder informed Inspector Lefty that his diplomatic status was still in effect, and he had immunity from any questioning, and from any mandatory tipping in the poofter locker room...

The irritated Inspector was forced to let Bladder go, but before leaving noticed his tubmate, who was wearing a fedora hat pulled down over his eyes, seemed very suspicious...Back at INTERPOOF headquarters, he identified the suspect as Norwegian poofter fugitive, Ifar Toften, from his wanted posters...

At press time, Inspector Lefty was checking the exchange rate between reward dollars and Norwegian standard bribes before applying for a warrant...Shown below in an INTERPOOF surveillance photo, Ifar Toften frolics with two crossdressers in the Obama-mandated transgender hot tub...

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Voyeurism could be the reason behind Massive Starfish Die-offs...

http://newsmaine.net/21437-virus-could-be-reason-behind-massive-starfish-die-offs

In a new study, funded in part by the Starkist Tuna Co., Dr. Lefty of the Lesbian Propulsion Laboratory, reports finding a correlation between watching lesbian activities and early death among starfish...Dr. Lefty reached his conclusions while finishing the tuna and horseradish sandwich his mom packed in his lunch and observing the nude lesbian pilates class through an aquarium placed in the window of the lesbian gymnasium...

While wishing the starfish clinging to the side of the tank would go away and allow him to see better, he noticed they began to fall off the glass to the bottom of the tank, where attentive blowfish attempted to revive them...Discounting the possibility that his own horseradish breath could have caused the phenomenon, he realized that observing the lesbians, as the starfish were doing, sometimes causes light-headedness in himself, even when not drinking Hamm's beer...

He further observed that the blowfish were sometimes successful in their rescue efforts, just as he is sometimes revived after falling asleep in the locker room...Unfortunately his investigation was interrupted when pilates instructor, Mazola McLeglock, saw him through the fishbowl and reported his presence to midget lesbian security guard, Deputy Dumpy Bunny, who encouraged him to break off surveillance at the end of her PR-24 baton...

Shown below, lesbian mermaids agree to clean the aquarium walls in order to give Dr. Lefty a clearer view in his studies...

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Cute chick rover: A new way to spy on shy lesbians...

http://www.godanriver.com/news/national/wire/cute-chick-rover-a-new-way-to-spy-on-shy/article_80779fe7-7027-55fd-9446-a112b2d13d8f.html

The latest adventure undertaken by the Institute for Advanced Lesbian Studies has been enhanced by the addition of a prototype of the new "cute chick rover" from the Lesbian Propulsion Laboratory...The device, which resembles a toy recently released for Christmas sales, has no connection with a recent shoplifting reported at the South Houston Toys 'R' Us according to the laboratory's spokesman, Dr. RHM...

The Institute's Professor Lefty is said to be delighted by the contribution, and says he expects to uncover previously unseen lesbian assets...Professor Lefty explained, "Our previous efforts into this habitat involved a clandestine peephole secretly drilled into a locker room wall, but the lesbians became aware of our observation resulting in black eyes for a few of us researchers"...The professor said the "rover" will be outfitted as a mobile soap dispenser robot, and is expected to be able to operate without detection in lesbian hot tub and massage rooms...

Professor Lefty said the real test will come as he attempts to observe the nude yoga classes in the closely guarded nudist lesbian complex of the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium...He said although the access from the male poofter side of the bath house is guarded by the easily bribed security official, Big "Tiny" Balsac, his previous attempts at observation were quickly halted by the sharp-eyed midget lesbian, Deputy Dumpy Bunny of the Hobby Airport Poofter Police...

According to Professor Lefty, the deputy quickly sounded the alarm in her squeaky, annoying voice which alerted yoga instructor and nude lesbian oil wrestling champion, Mazola McLeglock, who threatened the observation team with loss of body parts as well as recording equipment...Professor Lefty says this time his observation will be done in the safety of his own headquarters in a converted shipping container behind a nearby Braniff Street mansion via the internet and his laptop computer...

Shown here is a video of the test trials of a submersible version of the "cute chick rover" being considered for research into lesbian hot tub activities...

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Bath House averts shutdown, passes spending bill: 219 'yeth' to 206 'no way'...

http://www.cnbc.com/id/102260698

In a last minute vote switch, the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium narrowly averted a shutdown which might have affected the entire South Houston bath house district...The neighboring bath houses, massage parlors, tanning salons and other houses of horizontal refreshment carefully watched the proceedings of the Bath House Appropriations Committee as they wrangled over details of the budget...

The main objections were raised over the daily split of the various tip jars used in department operations...Bath house senior officials wanted an independent daily audit of the tip jars before the contents were divided among the participants...Towel boy representative Lefty vehemently objected to this, repeatedly yelling, "Whats'a matter?...You don't trust me?"...

Senior men's room attendant RHM stated for the record he had no objection to an audit, but was shouted down by his detractors who say his independent wealth overshadows the tip jar proceeds anyway...RHM's successful men's lingerie boutique located in leased space inside the men's room comes up for lease negotiations next year in which he is expected to downplay his profits in an effort to maintain current rent levels...

Hot Tub Safety Committee Chairman, Big "Tiny" Balsac, argued for increased spending on springboard suspension upgrades due to the massively elevated average weight of poofters using the facilities...Balsac said, "Last year I could squeeze six of these fat homos into one hot tub, and now it's all I can do to shoehorn four of them in the same tub"...

Bath house security guard and midget lesbian, Deputy Dumpy Bunny, demanded in her shrill, annoying voice that the budget provide for increased repair materials for the holes which mysteriously appear from the towel boys' locker room into the nude lesbian yoga classroom...Yoga instructor Mazola McLeglock suggested a nude oil wrestling competition to settle the committee differences, but was voted down after being seconded by Lefty...

At the final vote, towel boy representative Lefty, who is known to be a switch-hitter anyway, switched his vote on a promise of free lunch for committee members, allowing the budget measure to pass...Shown below, budget committee members take their mandatory outdoor after-lunch ventilation break to avoid indoor air quality deterioration after two-for-one burrito hour at Taco Bell...

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Hillary Clinton Said to Be Setting Up Headquarters in Hobby Airport...

http://www.newsweek.com/hillary-clinton-brooklyn-politico-campaign-319650

After being advised to "get back to the people" in her bid to become the first lesbian US President, Hillary Clinton has chosen to set up her campaign headquarters in the lesbian powder room of the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium...In view of her invaluable service to her country, Ms. Clinton demanded the corner stall under the main exhaust vent, but was told by powder room attendant Latrina that the stall next to the door was the only one available to her...

Latrina, a refugee and guerrilla freedom fighter from the totalitarian island state of Barmaidia, instinctively resisted taking orders from a power-hungry politician...Hiding her rage, and aware she was being watched by the persistent press vultures ready to catch the slightest slip up, Ms. Clinton graciously accepted the assigned stall, and informed Latrina to expect a crew of contractors to install her desk, phone lines, cable connections and a dedicated power line for her new email server...

In a press statement, Ms. Clinton said, "The right of lesbians to freely assemble in the nude, and vote for the candidate of our choice is a sacred one, and my administration will protect that right if it takes the last penny of the taxpayers' money"...Towel boy, and now liaison to the poofter community for Ms. Clinton's campaign, Lefty, added, "As a longtime observer of lesbian movements, I can assure the American rugmunchers that I stand right behind them, and will bend over backwards in their support"...

Hobby Airport handyman, Gristmill Mikey, went right to work converting Ms. Clinton's toilet stall into a suite of offices, saying this about the budget he was allowed, "I've worked for cheap bosses before this, I know how to make an apple crate look like polished mahogany"...Former President Bill Clinton, an observer of the lesbian scene from a peephole in the towel boys' locker room, promised a "hands-off position" in his wife's bid for his old job...

Mr. Clinton had little explanation for the fresh black eye he displayed following his wife's interview of her new personal assistant, saying with a chuckle, "They shouldn't put those doorknobs at eye level like that, ha-ha-ha"...In an attempt to show solidarity with her main body of supporters, Ms. Clinton has scheduled an exhibition match with former nude lesbian oil wrestling champion, Mazola McLeglock, although Mr. Clinton's offer to referee was nixed by the candidate...

Shown below is a partial view of Gristmill Mikey's conversion of Ms. Clinton's new toilet stall office, which he admits is mostly illusion much like candidate Clinton's campaign promises...

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Total eclipse provides a spectacular celestial show...

http://www.smh.com.au/world/total-solar-eclipse-provides-a-spectacular-celestial-show-20150320-1m4cra.html

A rare sight presented itself for astral watchers today as the total eclipse of a lesbian moon was captured by the camera in South Houston...The event occurred as two everyday incidents happened simultaneously...

Shortly after lunch, the Chief of Security for the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium, Big "Tiny" Balsac, was returning from his daily exercise period in which he walks across the street to Spec's Liquor Store for another six-pack of Hamm's beer...At this moment, lesbian powder room attendant Latrina was backing out the door to avoid the usual unwanted advances of towel boy Lefty...

The two distracted employees collided, and for a brief moment Latrina's perfectly shaped moon was totally engulfed by the protruding belly of Mr. Balsac...In the same way that two magnets will resist contact with each other, the two instantly repelled each other in mutual shock at the brief union...

Mr. Balsac, who ordinarily avoids all female contact due to his unfavorable past experiences, returned to Spec's for extra supplies to get through the afternoon...Latrina was last seen in the arms of certified grief counselor, Mazola McLeglock, who will attempt to talk her through the traumatic experience in a private therapy room...

The moment of collision was captured by an alert news photographer and is pictured below for our readers...

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Minimum Wage Hikes Force Bath House To Raise Pay At Hobby Airport...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/12/24/walmart-minimum-wage_n_6376912.html?utm_hp_ref=business

Spurred by the demands of a lesbian powder room attendant, newly hired under the Obama administration's Latin American immigration quota standards, the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium's executive committee governing compensation issues has been forced to raise minimum lesbian wages to a level matching their male counterparts...The complainant, whose name is listed as Latrina from the island nation of Barmaidia, listed her occupation as a bath house knob polisher, but was known to have ties to gay revolutionary organizations...

Her reputation as an agitator surfaced immediately after she learned that male poofter men's room attendants earned 42 cents per hour plus tips, a full four cents more than lesbians performing the same duties in sapphic powder rooms...Defending the pay disparity, senior men's room attendant RHM said his duties were worth the extra money since he was required to wipe the sweat from between his clients' belly fat rolls in addition to keeping their cigars lit on their men's room visits...

Latrina argued that RHM's bath house salary is nothing compared to the wealth he has accumulated from his male lingerie boutique which he operates inside the poofter men's room...She said her clientele decline such finery, preferring instead to dress in male boxer shorts and undershirts when not nude, imitating their idol, professional lesbian oil wrestling champion, Mazola McLeglock...

The dispute was settled by arbitrator and chief towel boy Lefty, following a three-way "conference" behind closed doors between him, Latrina and midget lesbian security guard, Deputy Dumpy Bunny...Lefty announced that a threatened strike was cancelled as committee members agreed to raise lesbian wages to 40 cents while lowering poofter wages to the same amount...

RHM did not protest the change when he learned that IRS agents would no longer audit his tip jar on their frequent bath house visits on the promise of a discounted door fee for federal employees...Meanwhile Lefty changed his Facebook status to indicate he is now dating Latrina, as well as Dumpy Bunny and Ms. McLeglock on alternate Thursdays...

Shown below, part of a multi-agency task force prepares to enter the bath house on a daily unannounced lunchtime compliance inspection...

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Injury deflates Lefty's Fantasy date...

http://fantasynews.cbssports.com/fantasybasketball/update/24773874/injury-deflates-julius-randles-fantasy-value

In a heart-rending moment just seconds before the final buzzer, crowd favorite Lefty suffered a crushing blow as a hefty opponent stumbled toward the finish line in a failed attempt to beat Lefty's time, and fell...The resulting injury to his inflatable date could be repaired, but Lefty had used his last bicycle repair patch on his two-speed Schwinn just to get to the competition...

Thinking quickly, he grabbed the Dubble Bubble out of referee RHM's mouth to stop the leak in a desperate attempt to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat...Unfortunately, in the hurried action he managed to also snatch the dentures from RHM's jaws, and incurred a "roughing the official" penalty of five strokes...

The missed strokes were enough to further deflate Lefty's libido, while sadly watching his blow-up doll deflate as well...Although a winner in this elimination round, superstar Lefty garnered a late start penalty as well in the final round of the Bath House Lesbolympics, and faces growing odds in his heroic grab for the gold...

Already a last-pick choice as he chose to crosstrain for this traditionally all female event, he surprised the critics with his come-from-behind (a favorite move) victories in the Round Robin start...Robin was surprised as well as Lefty performed admirably against the artificially enhanced competitors...

The semi-finals resulted in a stunning upset as his butch lesbian competitors cried "foul" as they made their mandatory pit stops for battery changes, while Lefty drove forward to the finish with his vintage original equipment...In the final event, Lefty faces brutal opposition as his arch-rival and former girlfriend, Mazola McLeglock, is certain to pull out all the stops in the difficult "Knotted Silk Rope" event...

Win or lose, it must be concluded that Lefty has given it his all as he attempts to be the first male lesbian champion in the International Lesbolympics...Shown below, a competitor trains for maximum lungpower in the challenging unassisted airstart event...

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Drag Queen docks at International Space Station...

http://www.euronews.com/2014/04/20/dragon-docks-at-international-space-station/

"After a 36 hour journey, the Drag Queen cargo ship has made an Easter Sunday delivery of chili burritos, Charmin paper products and poofter supplies to the crew aboard the International Space Station"

The space transport, named the Drag Queen in honor of its chief pilot Astronaut Lefty, was a welcome sight to the impoverished crew of the space station...Said assistant engineer RHM, "The fellas in the hot tub bay were having to re-use towels, and we had been out of K-Y Jelly for a week...It was a painful experience"...

Lesbian astronaut Mazola McLeglock said her nude oil wrestling experiments went awry when she ran out of extra virgin olive oil, and was forced to substitute Pam cooking spray...As Ms. McLeglock reported, "Believe me, Pam was not happy about it, but I convinced the bitch to give it up anyway"...

Astronaut Lefty reported that the space station's tip jar was dangerously low, a situation that would have to be corrected before he attempted a return trip...

Seen below is the space station's self-contained zero gravity hot tub...

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Lefty to coach Olympic team...

http://www.rantsports.com/videos/2013/09/30/turkish-oil-wrestling-shows-why-turkey-isnt-an-international-power/

Investigation by Lefty has shown that the national sport of Turkey is oil wrestling, wherein poofters wear leather pants and oil themselves up, then try to put their hands down their opponent's pants to gain control...Noting that there is no female league for this exciting sport, Lefty has called for open tryouts for an American team to enter the Olympics...

Enlisting the aid of his new girlfriend, professional nude oil wrestler Mazola McLeglock, Lefty has scheduled auditions on the playing field of the Cut'n'Shoot Nudist Enclave...Sponsored by the Pennzoil Company, the tryouts will be refereed by RHM (shown below) who promises to blow the whistle on any infractions of the rules...

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Poofter Aliens May Exist On Saturn's Moon Titan, Breathing Methane Instead Of Oxygen...

http://www.bustle.com/articles/67157-aliens-may-exist-on-saturns-moon-titan-breathing-methane-instead-of-oxygen-and-surviving-freezing-temperatures

Dr. Lefty, chief researcher of the Lesbian Propulsion Laboratory and a leading expert on moons, has announced a startling discovery of the possibility of the existence of poofter life forms on the planet Saturn's moon...Dr. Lefty, himself a major producer of methane gas due to his exclusive Taco Bell bean burrito diet, has theorized that poofter life forms can exist breathing a pure atmosphere of methane...

He says he has proved his theory as he returns to his laboratory at the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium after lunch where clients relax in steamrooms amid clouds of gaseous emissions...Having learned over the years to exist within his own mostly methane atmosphere, he believes that aliens on other planets and moons could evolve in this manner also...

He believes that oxygen may be non-existent or negligible on poofter moons, allowing them to light their cigars inside their bath houses without the need to go outdoors...He has noted the plumes of steam gushing from the overlying clouds on Saturn's moon lending credence to his theory they may be excess steam and El Producto smoke from the exhaust fans of their bath houses...

Dr. Lefty's plans include more research on the many moons available to his studies, especially those found in the nude lesbian pilates classes led by his research assistant, Mazola McLeglock...Shown below is Dr. Lefty compiling first hand evidence during his field research on exotic moons...

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Cuba Announces Direct Poofter Connections With U.S...

http://www.nbcnews.com/news/latino/cuba-announces-direct-telephone-connections-u-s-n321751

Longing for the days of his grandfathers when gay mafia members could meet openly with corrupt homo government and business officials in the bath houses of Havana, Cuban poofter exile Chico Piñata has been working behind the scenes to return to those days of glory...On a visit to Houston to ask support from lesbian Mayor Annise Parker, Piñata found help in an unexpected place...

He had stopped in at the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium before his flight back to Miami, and after his hot tub session was unable to locate his Casio watch in his rented locker...A helpful towel boy named Lefty offered to sell him an identical watch he happened to be wearing, and during the negotiations mentioned a distant cousin named Leftito who works in the Hugo Chavez Memorial Poofter Collective in Havana...

The towel boy said Leftito regularly sends him almost unsmoked cigars and videos of the popular Cuban donkey training sport through an undisclosed FedEx International employee...Lefty offered to set up a meeting in return for dropping any pending charges of locker pilferage...

Working with the office of the UN Ambassador for Poofter Relations, Piñata has reached a tentative agreement with El Presidente Raúl Castro, for whom Leftito is also employed as his personal laundry boy...The agreement calls for a limited poofter exchange program beginning with a state visit to the Hobby Airport bath house district by Castro and Leftito followed by a tour of the lesbian entertainment venues in Havana by oil wrestler Mazola McLeglock and her personal bodyguard, midget lesbian Deputy Dumpy Bunny...

Ms. McLeglock is said to be keenly interested in learning the sport of donkey training...Assistance has been promised by President Obama, seen below in a meeting with representatives from the Federal Detention & Corrections Department...

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Kim reveals Kardashians in family therapy over Jenner's transition...

http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2015/04/26/kim-reveals-kardashians-in-family-therapy-over-jenner-transition/

In a show of support, as well as a side trip to the lesbian day spa, Kim Kardashian admitted her family is in therapy over the lack of decision from transgendered hatcheck person, Fedora "Butch" Jenner, of the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium...In her interview she stated, "Why can't the bitch just make up his/her mind?...We have all these hand-me-down clothes to give away if Butch will just choose"...

The celebrity, while still having no comment on why she is a celebrity, referred to Butch's procrastination in selecting which gender to become from the catalog published by Dr. Tchytz's Braniff Street Gender Reassignment Clinic & Bait Shop...She added, "I mean, geez, it's not like she can't go pick another one later if he/she doesn't like the results...I do it all the time when I get tired of my butt size"...

Jenner is thought to be bewildered, not having realized the number of choices he/she would face after first applying to Dr. Tchytz for the change, saying, "I thought it would be just a simple column A/column B selection like the Chinese buffet"...Then Butch saw the dazzling array of options and accessories available in the catalog, and said, "I just want to be sure; I don't have the money for weekly surgeries like the Kardashians"...

Kim commented, "Whatever" as she disappeared through the door into Mazola McLeglock's nude lesbian yoga classroom...In the meantime, Butch continues to earmark his/her/its money deposited in the tip jar (pictured below) for the eventual reassignment surgery...

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Japan, China ruling poofter parties to resume exchanges...

http://the-japan-news.com/news/article/0002030003

With the recent power shift in the Chinese bath house hierarchy, a degree of normalcy may return to Asian poofter society...Veteran administrator Hu Flung Dung has returned to the seat of power as China's Director of the Ministry of Laundry, which oversees all bath house and poofter entertainment operations...

Former Laundry Minister Lef Ti will be relegated to a position as assistant towel boy in the Beijing Peoples' Poofter Collective after he successfully completes a re-education process in the Hanzhob District of the remote interior regions of China...He will be instructed in obedience to the poofter traditions by Showermaster Rili Huang Min (RHM) who some sources claim is a distant relative of Lef Ti...

Meanwhile, as Hu Flung Dung resumes power, analysts predict a warming of relations between Chinese and Japanese bath house factions...The power struggle between national nude sumo oil wrestling representatives has been replaced by talk of an exhibition match of the popular sport between the team of former nude lesbian oil wrestling champion Mazola McLeglock with her partner midget lesbian amateur fighter Dumpy Bunny, versus a Sino-Japanese team...

An informal bath house poll suggests the team of 650 pound Chinese sumo champion Hef Ti and midget Japanese oil wrestler Dinki Winki would draw a huge crowd against the lesbian pair...Sports writers are already suggesting that the lesbian team has an unfair advantage if Dumpy Bunny attempts to use her shrill, annoying voice to shatter Hef Ti's titanium knee hinges...

One of the potential sponsors of the match, Gorilla ® Brand Duct Tape, says the use of its product together with a tennis ball will prevent the problem...A meeting between Japanese Poofter Minister (PM) "Abe" and Chinese Laundry Director Dung is already scheduled in an effort to work out any hard feelings...

Shown below, Japanese Trade Minister (TM) Sukyu Longdime and a lesbian assistant prepare seating mats together with a derivative of Hamm's beer for the traditional BJ exchange between the two poofter leaders...

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