The renowned team of Professor Lefty of the Institute for Advanced Lesbian Studies, and his girlfriend, Mazola McLeglock, professional oil wrestler and switch-hitter, have uncovered evidence in Italy of the earliest known lesbian gravesite...The grave contained two bodies, a six-foot "warrior princess" thought to be a local oil-wrestling champion and what was originally identified as her midget husband...
Further forensic evidence concluded that the midget was a smaller statured woman wearing a strap-on device, and was identified as a member of an ancient order of dwarf Druid priestesses thought to be involved in pagan nude wrestling exhibitions...The fact that he/she was buried next to the warrior princess might indicate that the two were married in a primitive lesbian ceremony...
In a press release, Prof. Lefty stated, "It might also mean they got drunk in a lesbo orgy and passed out in a cemetery, after which they were buried by a hungover gravedigger"...
Prof. Lefty pointed out evidence of several jars of extra-virgin olive oil which might have been used in a wrestling religious sacrament along with a tip jar containing several coins...The pizza crusts found in the grave were later identified as being left over from Dr. Lefty's lunch delivered by a gay Domino's driver from Naples...
Update: In the interest of science, Prof. Lefty and Ms. McLeglock have decided to attempt to recreate the ancient pagan marriage ritual of the Druid lesbian sect...Not having completed his translation of the Druid marriage manual, Prof. Lefty failed to realize the significance of his part as the centerpiece of the lesbian wedding ceremony...
Prof. Lefty was all smiles when the seven nude priestesses appeared along with his girlfriend, Mazola...But not until they strapped on their sacred ritual dildos, did he begin to worry...Each dildo was faithfully recreated in the ancient Tuscan tradition, being made of solid bronze and topped with a polished granite knob...Not until the seven priestesses had their way with Prof. Lefty would the lesbian goddesses be satisfied that his marriage to Mazola was consummated...
Prof. Lefty will be spending the next several weeks lying on his stomach in a Roman convalescence home until doctors are satisfied he can walk upright again...He is said to be resting in a dark, quiet room in the poofter wing of the hospital where his occasional screams won't disturb the other patients...
Shown below is part of the hieroglyph panel the team was attempting to re-create...
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