North Korea’s Kim Jong-Un just had incredible fun times on a goat farm...

http://metro.co.uk/2015/05/11/north-koreas-kim-jong-un-just-had-incredible-fun-times-on-a-farm-5192276/

Noting the interest taken in goat husbandry by other Asian poofter leaders, North Korea's Kim Jong-un has taken it upon himself to investigate the phenomenon by visiting the goat worship campus of Hindu holy man, Rama Lambda Ernest, in the tranquil hills of Gonzales County...Joining Kim in the pursuit of higher education was his colleague, Honorable Master Lef Ti of China's PF Chang Poofter & Laundry Academy...

The meeting began with an exchange of gifts as Rama Lambda Ernest offered the two orientals a tray of chili burritos made exclusively with vegetarian chili since Ernest observes strict Hindu dietary laws by not consuming meat...Kim and Lef Ti then offered Ernest a version of Hamm's beer brewed under license in Pyongyang from a revised formula including rice and recycled rickshaw tires since the more traditional ingredients are in short supply in North Korea...

Rama Lambda Ernest expressed his gratitude since the only liquid refreshment he had on hand was a large supply of Coors left over from an interfaith conference with Father X of the Temple of Our Lady of Diminished Virginity who left it behind as he always traveled with a tap-equipped tanker truck...Kim and Lef Ti seemed confused about Ernest's non-meat diet as they had been told of a method developed by the Hindu holy man for tenderizing even the toughest meat...

Ernest said the method was actually a part of his nightly religious ceremony in which he expresses his special love for his goat herd, after which even the rowdiest animal becomes a tender companion content to sleep peacefully at his side...After the demonstration the two Asians agreed this is a side of animal affection they had never considered, and promised to introduce it to the Asian bath house community...

Rama Lambda Ernest expressed his concern over stories of alleged cruelty toward Korean goat herds by Kim's uncle and military defense chief...Kim assured Ernest that the matter was no longer a worry as his uncle had been accidentally executed by anti-aircraft fire during a training exercise by the North Korean air force (pictured below)...

More Religion articles...

More World News articles...

China shocks world by genetically engineering poofter embryos...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/science/11558305/China-shocks-world-by-genetically-engineering-human-embryos.html

Honorable Master Lef Ti of the PF Chang Poofter & Laundry Academy has managed to turn the sporting world upside down with his revelation that he can engineer athletes by growing them from poofter embryos...Gathering stem cells taken from a centrally located "stem" on selected bath house clients in the Beijing People's Poofter Collective, Lef Ti has, over a period of time, grown cultures suitable for the popular Asian bath house sport of nude sumo oil wrestling...

Using a growth accelerator developed in his own laboratory/living quarters, Lef Ti grew one specimen from a single cell  grown in a discarded Motel 6 ashtray into the 650 pound behemoth called Hef Ti, who is partnered with the Japanese midget oil wrestler Dinki Winki, as the nude sumo tag team, Mister Blister...Accomplishing this in less than a year, Lef Ti said he enlisted the help of a vacationing lesbian laundry girl from Hong Kong, by injecting the cell into her using his own probe...

The growth accelerator caused the birth of Hef Ti to occur before the laundress ended her vacation, whereupon he was left in a laundry basket together with Lef Ti's laundry and a note from her attorney on Lef Ti's doorstep...The Honorable Master admitted he was unprepared for the foundling's insatiable appetite, especially for the contraband Hamm's beer he had hoarded away...

However, Lef Ti was fortunate enough to find several clandestine games of chance, and after substituting his own dice, was able to win adequately to buy enough Hamm's on the black market until Hef Ti was of adult size, a process that took about six months...Meanwhile Hef Ti was given intense instruction in the martial arts by allowing him to watch the Bruce Lee channel on Beijing cable TV while Lef Ti plied his trade as a towel boy in the poofter collective...

At the age of six months, Hef Ti could pass as a young man, and he gained employment as a hot tub lifeguard (as shown in the photo below) until Lef Ti paired him with Dinki Winki for their first tag team match...Afterwards, the sport of nude sumo oil wrestling was set on its ear, as were all their opponents by using their trademark step-over belly roll to subdue their adversaries...

At this writing, it is unclear whether Lef Ti will remain as their manager, or be sent back to the Hanzhob People's Poofter Collective for more re-education because he failed to get prior approval from the director of China's Ministry of Laundry, Hu Flung Dung, before beginning his experiments...However, the profits from booking their matches and collecting the side bets is said to be financing Director Dung's lavish lifestyle...

More World News articles...

More Sports articles...

Complete crossdresser from 2,200 years ago found at Terracotta Poofter site...

http://www.ancient-origins.net/news-history-archaeology/excellently-preserved-crossbow-2200-years-ago-terracotta-020269

The famous site of the Terracotta Army excavation in the Chinese interior has yielded another amazing find...Honorable Master Lef Ti of the PF Chang Laundry & Poofter Academy reports the discovery of an intact terracotta crossdresser in the area of an ancient Chinese bath house believed to be buried for enjoyment by the terracotta army soldiers who guard the burial site...

The site has long been known as the final resting place of the homo Emperor Manchu Dong, who ruled this province of China 2,200 years ago, and was believed responsible for many improvements in Chinese bath house living...For example, he established regular towel service by dedicated towel boys which replaced the practice of rolling in the grass after exiting a communal shower room...

Having a lifelong fascination with dolls, he built an army of terracotta soldiers to guard his tomb, and now it is thought he built a bath house populated by terracotta poofter servant dolls to service his army...The crossdresser is amazingly detailed with low-cut evening gown and matching handbag and high heels...

Master Lef Ti also hopes to link the finding of several earthen bottles of a beer like substance to the ancient brewery site in the Lower Mesopotamia valley where Igoleft the Lesser and his brother began the powerful brewing dynasty which later deteriorated to today's Hamm's beer...Lef Ti seems to find delight that this theory would disprove the conclusions assembled by his American counterpart, Professor Lefty of the Institute for Advanced Lesbian Studies...

Master Lef Ti and his research assistant, Rili Huang Min (RHM) on loan from the Hanzhob Peoples' Poofter Collective, are confident this finding will revolutionize bath house history...Pictured below is one of the terracotta soap bars found dropped on the floor of the excavation site's shower room, which Master Lef Ti says bear strong resemblance to the Dove soap bars favored by modern poofters...

More Science & Technology articles...

Japan, China ruling poofter parties to resume exchanges...

http://the-japan-news.com/news/article/0002030003

With the recent power shift in the Chinese bath house hierarchy, a degree of normalcy may return to Asian poofter society...Veteran administrator Hu Flung Dung has returned to the seat of power as China's Director of the Ministry of Laundry, which oversees all bath house and poofter entertainment operations...

Former Laundry Minister Lef Ti will be relegated to a position as assistant towel boy in the Beijing Peoples' Poofter Collective after he successfully completes a re-education process in the Hanzhob District of the remote interior regions of China...He will be instructed in obedience to the poofter traditions by Showermaster Rili Huang Min (RHM) who some sources claim is a distant relative of Lef Ti...

Meanwhile, as Hu Flung Dung resumes power, analysts predict a warming of relations between Chinese and Japanese bath house factions...The power struggle between national nude sumo oil wrestling representatives has been replaced by talk of an exhibition match of the popular sport between the team of former nude lesbian oil wrestling champion Mazola McLeglock with her partner midget lesbian amateur fighter Dumpy Bunny, versus a Sino-Japanese team...

An informal bath house poll suggests the team of 650 pound Chinese sumo champion Hef Ti and midget Japanese oil wrestler Dinki Winki would draw a huge crowd against the lesbian pair...Sports writers are already suggesting that the lesbian team has an unfair advantage if Dumpy Bunny attempts to use her shrill, annoying voice to shatter Hef Ti's titanium knee hinges...

One of the potential sponsors of the match, Gorilla ® Brand Duct Tape, says the use of its product together with a tennis ball will prevent the problem...A meeting between Japanese Poofter Minister (PM) "Abe" and Chinese Laundry Director Dung is already scheduled in an effort to work out any hard feelings...

Shown below, Japanese Trade Minister (TM) Sukyu Longdime and a lesbian assistant prepare seating mats together with a derivative of Hamm's beer for the traditional BJ exchange between the two poofter leaders...

More Sports articles...

More World News articles...

China’s illegal belly-oil trade could be used to power lights...

http://qz.com/368727/chinas-illegal-gutter-oil-trade-could-be-used-to-power-flights/

A little known and almost unnoticed method used by Chinese towel boys to fatten their own wallets may prove to be another tool in the fight to conserve energy...Deposed Laundry Minister and now Oil Minister in China's government, Hu Flung Dung always looks for new charges against his former friend and towel boy, now Minister of Laundry, Lef Ti...

While on a routine inspection of the Beijing Peoples' Poofter Collective bath house, Dung noticed some towel boys behaving in a peculiar manner...After mopping off the accumulated sweat from between the fat rolls under their poofter clients' bellies, the towel boys wrung the towels out into buckets before turning them in to the laundry...

Curious as to their motives, he followed them after their shifts ended, noting they poured the liquid into a discarded washing machine and used the spin cycle to de-emulsify the product, thereby separating the glandular oil from the sweat and Dove soap residue...They then used the oil to power their Coleman bicycle lamps to light their way home...

Oil Minister Dung immediately realized the value of the process, further observing that the lights burned extremely brightly while giving off little heat...He then banished the towel boys to the remote Hanzhob People's Poofter Collective for re-education since they were using government owned resources for their own gain...

Afterwards Dung filed an international patent on the process in the name of the state-owned Slippi Slidee Oil Co. in which he is said to be a minor shareholder...At this moment, Laundry Minister Lef Ti is said to be on hands and knees before the Chinese Central Council trying to explain why such an oversight could occur under his direction...

Political analysts speculate that the Ministry of Laundry will soon be under the direction of Hu Flung Dung again, while Lef Ti, if he is lucky, will once again find himself folding towels in a bath house laundry...Pictured below is an innovative new design in a combination men's room and laundry for use in the newer space-efficient bath houses in crowded Chinese urban centers...

More World News articles...

China asserts its clout as sumo heavyweight...

http://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/asiapacific/china-asserts-its-clout/1702308.html

Seeking to expand its influence in the Asian bath house world, China's Ministry of Laundry has announced its entry into the previously all Japanese sport of nude sumo oil wrestling...The move was not unexpected after the signing of retired nude lesbian oil wrestling champion Mazola McLeglock as spokesperson for the state-owned Slippi Slidee Oil Co...

It has long been known that Laundry Minister Lef Ti has wanted to take some glory away from Poofter Minister (PM) "Abe" of the Japanese bath house industry, and it is thought he plans to bring shame to "Abe" by bringing the heavyweight crown to China...Rumors have been rampant of a secret training camp inside the Hanzhob Peoples' Poofter Collective where Showermaster Rili Huang Min (RHM) has been beefing up a select group of poofters to enter the ring...

In an effort to minimize the prowess of the Chinese sumo wrestlers, PM "Abe" has drawn on centuries of Japanese tradition to humiliate the Chinese interlopers...In a surprise move he has even suggested a closed-circuit warm-up match between the retired Ms. McLeglock and the Japanese lesbian Trade Minister (TM) Sukyu Longdime, saying that even an amateur can beat China's hired gun...

But analysts think "Abe's" ploy may only be a delaying move while his champion sumos have a chance to bulk up on sushi burritos and a rice beer said to smell like a boiling pot of dirty gym socks...The beer is based on a close copy of the formula for the American bath house favorite Hamm's, but is said to have suffered some in the translation...

Meanwhile the secret photo below has leaked out purporting to show the Chinese heavyweight team performing the traditional release of built up gas pressure before beginning an exhibition match...Lef Ti is shown in the background accepting side bets...

More Sports articles...

More World News articles...

Hobby Airport scientist told to remove words ‘underwear change’ from study on bath house warming...

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2015/03/10/why-this-florida-scientist-had-to-remove-the-term-climate-change-from-her-study/

Politics even rears its head in the rarefied (although seldom purified) atmosphere of the urban bath house, as evidenced by the recent demands put on Dr. Lefty of the Lesbian Propulsion Laboratory...Not wishing to call undue attention to a common problem among poofters (including those in the Executive Branch), the White House has asked Dr. Lefty to change the wording in his definitive report on bath house warming...

His report includes a chapter concerning the efforts of professional laundrymen to encourage poofters to change their underwear more frequently...Obama administration censors, always eager to avoid mention of sources of embarrassment to gay voters, redacted all references to underwear change from the report...

Dr. Lefty protested the revisions, citing recent discussions in the Asian bath house community as reason for concern...Dr. Lefty quoted Chinese Poofter Minister (PM) Hu Flung Dung's recent revelation, "Stinky Chinee towel boys wear same BVD's all week!...Place smell like goat farm!"...

The PM's remarks were thought to be aimed at his former underling, and now Director of the Ministry of Laundry Lef Ti, who rose from being a bath house towel boy to PM Dung's boss in a bloodless coup...Not wishing to disturb the delicate balance of power in Chinese government and thereby start an international towel-snapping confrontation, Obama's senior cabinet member's have quietly ordered all references to underwear change removed from government publications...

Dr. Lefty strongly protested the censorship, saying it completely changed the meaning of his government funded studies...He quickly backed down, however, when he was told he would be paid for his findings anyway in addition to being named the lead investigator for a new field study of the correlation between Hamm's beer consumption and lesbianism among topless dancers...

Meanwhile, seeking to better his own position in the Chinese poofter hierarchy, Hu Flung Dung (shown below) is testing his latest innovation in bath house technology, combining a drive-through car wash with a tanning salon for homos in a hurry...

More Science & Technology articles...

More Politics articles...

Taco Bell Makes Runs for Japan’s Border...

http://www.wsj.com/articles/taco-bell-makes-a-run-for-japans-border-1424935193

Making a serious bid for the Asian poofter market, Taco Bell announces the start of construction on several new restaurants adjacent to popular gay bath houses in Tokyo...Japan's Poofter Minister (PM) "Abe" welcomes the change in menu for poofters saying, "We tired  of fish tacos all time, lesbian side of bath house smell like tuna boat anyway"...

It is believed "Abe" (who, like other Japanese poofter leaders, assumed the name of an American President) was referring to the poofter favorite, Green Chili Burritos, from the Taco Bell menu...The delicacy was all but unheard of in Asia until gay dictator, Kim Jong-un of North Korea, brought it to Asia's attention by banning it in his country under penalty of beheading...

But thanks to the diplomatic inroads made by Chinese Minister of Laundry Lef Ti, North Korean bath houses now serve the item to preferred clients on a strict rationing basis...Penalties for over-consumption have been reduced from mandatory death to long sentences of chopping kindling for Kim's wood-fired hot tubs...

UN Ambassador for Poofter Relations Lefty is slated for the grand opening of the first Tokyo Taco Bell, and will be presented a symbolic key to the city's men's room by PM "Abe"...The traditional trade of BJ's between the two dignitaries will be performed by recently reinstated Trade Minister Sukyu Longdime, who as a lesbian accepted the assignment as atonement for her attempted coup over "Abe"...

Pictured below, the first Japanese Taco Bell prepares for big crowds on opening day with additional essential service facilities...

More A&E and Dining articles...

Impact of lower oil prices on Asian bath house economies...

http://www.bangkokpost.com/business/news/464181/impact-of-lower-oil-prices-on-asian-economies

As oil prices plummet on products from the olive, canola and coconut markets, interest has picked up on the sport of nude lesbian oil wrestling, especially in the Asian bath house industry...In China, the state-owned Slippi Slidee Bath Oil Co. controlled under the auspices of newly named Oil Minister Hu Flung Dung, has begun a new marketing strategy to increase sales...

In a typical turn of events behind the bamboo curtain, the Chinese Oil Ministry must now report to the Ministry of Laundry, run by Hu Flung's one-time friend, former bath house towel boy and now Director, Lef Ti...Hu Flung's latest suggestion to employ retired lesbian oil wrestling champion, Mazola McLeglock, to promote the Slippi Slidee product line is thought to be a political ploy designed to distract Lef Ti, a long time admirer of Ms. McLeglock's prowess...

Lef Ti's efforts to induce Ms. McLeglock to tour the Chinese bath house circuit in a series of exhibition matches were always declined due to Lef Ti's previous career as a bath house towel boy...It seems Ms. McLeglock prior experiences with a Hobby Airport area towel boy were unfavorable leaving her with doubts concerning Lef Ti's sincerity...

However, Hu Flung Dung was more successful in his efforts due to his executive background as the former Minister of Laundry before the coup that led to Lef Ti's rise to power...Hu Flung is said to have learned much about Lef Ti's life from his apprenticeship to Showermaster Rili Huang Min (RHM) during his incarceration at the Hanzhob Peoples' Poofter Collective where he was sent for "re-education"...

Poofter analysts are closely watching Hu Flung's re-entry into the Chinese bath house power structure as it may signal another purge in the upper levels...Not wishing to involve herself in political intrigue, Ms. McLeglock's travel entourage has been assigned a security detail headed by midget lesbian and former deputy Dumpy Bunny, who is said to be feared by Chinese poofters for her fierce protection of Ms. McLeglock's assets...

Although normally involved in international poofter and lesbian concerns, UN Ambassador for Poofter Relations Lefty has not been consulted for advice, and his office door, pictured below, is strangely closed while calls to his private pay phone have gone unanswered...

More World News articles...

North Korea Denies Hacking LeftyInTheNews but Calls Attack a ‘Righteous Deed’...

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/12/08/business/north-korea-denies-hacking-sony-but-calls-attack-a-righteous-deed.html?_r=0

The recent cyber attack on the well-respected news analysis source, LeftyInTheNews, thought to be the amateurish effort of North Korea's poofter dictator, Kim Jong-un, is being described by the despot as "righteous, but not my doing"...Speaking out from his heavily guarded compound deep in the mist-covered forests of Conroe, the mysterious publisher and entrepreneur Truckman answered Kim's denial, saying, "The truth stands alone"...

As usual, the inscrutable Truckman's words may have many meanings, but the message here is clear: he feels that the ineffective slap at his impenetrable cyber defenses can only be the work of an asiatic madman bent on ruling the world from the homoerotic fantasy world he created in his own hot tub...Truckman's keen senses see past the smokescreen of laughable subterfuge the dictator has thrown up in hopes of hiding his true aims of poofter world dominance...

Even Truckman's natural opponents agree that although his beliefs are often diametrically opposed to their own, his reporting and publishing style is impartial and balanced, leaving no doubt as to the veracity of his words...Indeed his own greedy, jezebel ex-wives are forced to agree that although their plans to rob him blind were thwarted, they were dealt with in an unprejudiced manner as their evil plots were ignominiously defeated...

At the expense of being ridiculed even by his own kind, Kim Jong-un continues to deny responsibility while praising the effort, "I not do it, but was good idea!...Where my rubber ducky?!"...His close compatriot, former lowly towel boy and now Director of China's Ministry of Laundry, Lef Ti, had this statement, "Sissy poofter should have learned to stay in own bath house, leave Truckman alone!"...

Well known towel boy Lefty, of the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium commented, "Who the hell is Truckman?...Got any spare change?"...Loitering nearby, bath house security guard and midget lesbian, Deputy Dumpy Bunny said in her squeaky, irritating voice, "Somebody pass the chicken wings"...

As worldwide opinion continues to lean heavily against the absurd refutal by the fat, preposterous North Korean tyrant, Truckman issued this guarded warning, "Kim should keep his head down and shut up before somebody in my parody studio decides to make a video about him"...Pictured below is North Korea's latest warship preparing to do simulated battle in the Asian war games...

More World News articles...

China’s Communist leaders expel former bath house czar over corruption allegations...

http://www.washingtonpost.com/world/asia_pacific/chinas-communist-leaders-expel-former-security-czar-over-corruption-allegations/2014/12/05/bd79b6ec-7c9f-11e4-84d4-7c896b90abdc_story.html

Unable to avoid the publicity generated in their latest scandal, China's Communist Party leaders have expelled the former director of their Ministry of Laundry, Hu Flung Dung...The powerful executive resisted the move knowing what lay in store for him as he fell from the top rung of Chinese bath house society...

The now disgraced Mr. Dung had little to say as he was led away from his executive hot tub wearing only the soiled towel of an apprentice towel boy...Authorities reported under promise of anonymity that he will be interned in a secure facility for "re-education" in basic laundry procedures before being considered for a return to public bath house life...

Details have been sketchy concerning his fall from grace, but high-placed sources report that his personal assistant and favorite towel boy, Lef Ti, has been temporarily elevated to the oval hot tub symbolizing the powerful office of Director...In a hastily called press conference, Lef Ti had little to say about his former boss, "Stingy poofter think he can get away without tipping!...Him see now"...

Hu Flung Dung is reportedly in transit under heavy guard to the Hanzhob People's Poofter Collective deep in the Chinese interior where he will be apprenticed to Showermaster Rili Huang Min (or simply RHM) where he will be retrained as a men's room attendant until he has learned proper humility...Mr. Dung was quoted as saying he hopes to be advanced quickly to Skidmark Inspector in the bath house laundry's towel disbursement office...

Although formal alliances have not yet been established with American homos, President Obama is said to have asked the UN Ambassador for Poofter Relations Lefty to open diplomatic channels with Lef Ti...The seasoned envoy expected no problems with his Chinese counterpart when he said, "Like all towel boys, he'll take a bribe...I'll lowball him until I find his price"...

Shown below, two Hong Kong poofters argue over possession of one of the few clean towels before entering their local bath house...

More World News articles...

North Korea announces Kim Jong-un's lesbian sister promoted to senior poofter official...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/northkorea/11257451/North-Korea-announces-Kim-Jong-uns-sister-promoted-to-senior-party-official.html

In a game-changing admission to his own addiction to a particular western cuisine which is a favorite of poofters worldwide, North Korean dictator, Kim Jong-un, has named his own lesbian sister as Commissar of Bath House Nourishment...The similarly named Slim Dong-ugh preferred remaining in the shadow of her poofter brother until making contact with a security guard for nude lesbian oil-wrestling champion, Mazola McLeglock, during a recent goodwill tour of the orient...

Being a dwarf herself, Slim Dong-ugh found the midget lesbian security guard to be one of the few Americans with whom she could see eye to eye, and the two soon found they shared a common interest in things other than battery-operated "entertainment devices"...The unnamed Hobby Airport deputy soon revealed in her squeaky, annoying voice that she had learned the secret recipe for Taco Bell green chili burritos during an interrogation of a peeping tom suspect near a South Houston Braniff Street mansion...

In exchange for the recipe, she released the suspect on reduced charges of loitering with prurient interests...She later learned that the suspect, an itinerant towel boy, had obtained the recipe from his landlord's computer while repairing his faulty wireless connection...

It is now known that the popular Tex-Mex dish, long a food favorite of western poofters, was branded as contraband by closet homo dictator Kim Jong-un who called it a decadent western product, and banned it on penalty of beheading...But since being introduced to its addictive taste by Chinese poofter envoy, Lef Ti, he relaxed the rules and allowed it in limited quantities in his government-run bath houses...

Slim Dong-ugh then leveraged her newfound knowledge to gain her high-ranking position which allows her full access to all North Korean nudist lesbian spas, and first-pick privileges when new shipments of Duracell batteries arrive in bath house boutiques...However, since the burrito recipe was considered a guarded state secret by US officials, President Obama's Secretary of Gay Affairs is considering charges of espionage against the former Montgomery County deputy...

The deputy's attorney, Mr. C.N. Spitt, Esq., has offered to exchange spuriously obtained golf scorecards from the President's recent golfing holiday, plus other bribery considerations in exchange for dropping the charges...Shown below is the President relieving some gas pressure on the first tee following his Taco Bell luncheon...

More World News articles...

Norway Embraces Chinese Cash in Race for Arctic Bath House Riches...

http://www.businessweek.com/news/2014-11-12/norway-embraces-chinese-cash-in-race-for-arctic-energy-riches

In another example of the manipulative skills to which Norwegian poofter fugitive, Ifar Toften, will sink to avoid capture, he has made his bid to cash in on the burgeoning Chinese bath house market...Eager to learn new skills to increase the pleasure of poofter clients, China's Ministry of Laundry has put out feelers to other established bath house markets...

Unfortunately those feelers are attached to towel boy Lef Ti, a favorite of Minister of Laundry, Hu Flung Dung, who oversees China's People's Poofter Collectives...Lef Ti lost sight of the Chinese government's ideological goals after being exposed to international bath house practices by less scrupulous towel boys in the areas of tip jar management and locker room pilferage...

And now Ifar Toften has made contact with Lef Ti concerning China's latest poofter enterprise on the Arctic frontier, and has learned of the potential investment capital from China in developing polar bath houses...He has offered his services and expertise in cold weather homo activities to Lef Ti in exchange for Chinese cash which he needs to finance his further escape from justice...

Lef Ti seemed particularly interested in security techniques when he said, "Stinky old homo on run from law long time, maybe know how to avoid locker room surveillance cameras"...Mr. Toften assured his Chinese counterpart that for the right price, there are no secrets...

As shown below, Mr. Toften has assured the Chinese poofter rep that his long time experiences in frigid gay activities will give a new meaning to the word "snowblower"...

More World News articles...

North Korea frees two poofter detainees as Obama heads to Beijing...

http://www.csmonitor.com/World/Global-News/2014/1108/North-Korea-frees-two-Americans-as-Obama-heads-to-Beijing

As President Obama travels to Beijing with the UN Ambassador for Poofter Relations on a historic mission to strengthen ties with Chinese poofters, Ambassador Lefty has announced even more encouraging news from Asia...President-For-Life Kim Jong-un of North Korea, in an obvious effort to upstage the Sino-American union, said today he will release two American poofters charged with smuggling contraband Taco Bell green chili burritos...

Ambassador Lefty explained, "We hope our journey of peace to improve international bath house relations has been an influence on that fat Korean homo's decision to release the two gay Americans...We all know Kim likes to gobble down a burrito while getting his own knob gobbled anyway"...

The diplomat referred to the historic meeting between the Korean leader and a representative of the Beijing People's Poofter Collective, towel boy Lef Ti, in which the Chinese envoy was permitted to bring in a sack of Taco Bell green chili burritos in a diplomatic pouch as a peace offering to Kim Jong-un...At the time, the Korean poofter, in a rare lucid moment, stated that since the Taco Bell product seemed to enhance Lef Ti's diplomatic service of Kim's medical problem, he would consider lifting the ban as soon as his newly developed flatulence condition was abated...

Sources close to the Korean president, who asked not to be identified out of concern for their own beheading, mentioned that a further shipment of Gas-X received in a diplomatic pouch stopped the whoopee cushion noises coming from Kim's private chambers...Soon afterwards he decided that the two American poofter smugglers were taking up valuable prison space needed for his own people, and made the decision to deport them...

The latest reports show the two former detainees were receiving re-orientation treatment at the Taco Bell commissary on the US military base on Okinawa before being repatriated to the San Francisco gay community...Meanwhile President Obama is said to be looking forward to forging new connections in the Chinese bath house society as Ambassador Lefty makes new inroads into relations in the Chinese lesbian body politic...

Shown below in an undated file photo, President Obama, accompanied by two eager Secret Service bodyguards, prepares to don his bulletproof towel as he enters a well known South Houston bath house on a fact-finding mission...

More World News articles...

Europe set to make poofter history with comet landing...

http://www.khaleejtimes.com/kt-article-display-1.asp?section=todaysfeatures&xfile=data/todaysfeatures/2014/November/todaysfeatures_November9.xml

Although theories differ about the origin of poofter bath houses, no one can deny the latest contribution to homo history...The European bath house community is poised to make the first-ever attempt to contact alien poofter life in outer space...

Dr. Lefty of the Lesbian Propulsion Laboratory fills in some background information, "It's well known that some poofter activity is identified through a universal signalling system...For instance, when two fat homos make contact in a darkened shower room after one of them drops his bar of Dove soap, we hear a loud 'Wahooo!' from one of them"...

Dr. Lefty went on to explain that his sensitive Radio Shack listening devices, obtained through a grant from the pawn shop next to Spec's Liquor Store, have for years picked up faint signals indicative of hot tub splashing and locker room pilferage from outer space...Now the European bath house co-op is set to launch the already proven PoofX Drag Queen with former french sissyweight fighter Florian LePoof in command to establish contact with alien poofter life on a dark comet thought to house a rudimentary bath house...

Dr. Lefty explained that Monsieur Lepoof will carry gifts of fresh towels and Hamm's beer to indicate his friendly intentions to any aliens he encounters, and is prepared to probe deeply to establish communications...Honorable Master Lef Ti of China's PF Chang Poofter & Laundry Academy who provided the gift towels through a grant from the Beijing People's Poofter Collective said, "Stinky western homos need towels to mop up mess when alien poofters throw up nasty Hamm's beer"...

Dr. Lefty stated that Master Lef Ti's intentions may have been lost in translation, but he is sure they jointly wish success to this unprecedented advancement in poofter technology...Astronaut LePoof is pictured below in a promotional billboard advertising the mission...

More World News articles...

Chinese moon probe successfully returns to bath house...

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/asia/chinese-moon-probe-successfully-returns-to-earth-9833753.html

Dr. Lefty of the Lesbian Propulsion Laboratory has filed his briefs concerning the recent secretive Chinese probe of an orbiting moon...As Dr. Lefty explains, "It is well known that bath house technology differs greatly between western and Asian cultures, and voluntary exchange of information is almost non-existent"...

He went on to say that the recently discovered moons found orbiting Chinese bath houses within the jurisdiction of the Beijing People's Poofter Collective were definitely not spy satellites sent by the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium...He stated that the "moons" were of unknown origin, and had nothing to do with western attempts to gather information on Chinese poofter tech...

However the Chinese Minister of Laundry, Hu Flung Dung, whose purview includes all Chinese bath house and poofter operations, has a suspicious nature and decided further investigation was necessary...It was decided the best man for this clandestine mission would be a towel boy named Lef Ti, who has more experience probing moons than anyone in China...

Upon his return, Lef Ti reported that the moons had a soft exterior, and opened immediately to receive his probe, although a noxious vapor was emitted which may have been a defense mechanism...Lef Ti stated that his results were inconclusive, and he requested an extended mission to probe deeper into the moons' interiors...

However Minister Dung remains cautious, and suspects that the mysterious moons may have actually gathered knowledge from Lef Ti's probe while leaving a false trail of intel for him...He said that any further missions by Lef Ti will include a protective shield around his probe to prevent unwanted microscopic invasions...

Meanwhile, Dr. Lefty continues to deny any western involvement in the mysterious orbiting bodies, and says his main concern these days is studying nearby advances in lesbian technology, particularly extending battery life in hand-held and strap-on "entertainment devices"...Shown below is his latest prototype of a dual-purpose device for use by so-called "lipstick lesbians"...

More Science & Technology articles...

More World News articles...

North Korean Leader Was Sidelined by Sex Change Surgery, South Houston Clinic Says...

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/10/29/world/asia/north-korea-kim-jong-un-foot-surgery.html?_r=0

A surprise announcement today ended weeks of speculation over the whereabouts of Kim Jong-un, leader of North Korea...Dr. Tchytz, of the Braniff Street Gender Reassignment Clinic & Bait Shop, said in a press conference that Kim (who now prefers to be called "Kimmie") is recovering successfully, and undergoing therapy to be able to walk in high heels...

Even "Kimmie's" close friend and advisor, towel boy Lef Ti of the Beijing People's Poofter Collective, was stunned by the announcement...Lef Ti is quoted as saying, "I know fat sissy boy like to wear dress, and always be on bottom, but I not expect this"...

"Kimmie" will make her/his/its debut tonight at a coming out party being held in the Grand Ball Room of the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium...Doorman Big "Tiny" Balsac joked, "I don't know if we can allow Kim in the "ball" room again since he, I mean she, doesn't have them anymore, but we'll make an exception in the interest of international peace"...

Dr. Tchytz assured all followers that the surgery went according to plan, and advance tickets to the coming out party were available from clerk Lefty in the bait shop side of the clinic...Lefty added that he just got in a very small quantity of rare North Korean worm and stinkbait for those late-season sportsmen going after sand sharks...

"Kimmie's" date tonight is said to be long time companion, former NBA star Dennis Rodman who is pictured below in formal wear, and said to be hoping for North Korea to lift restrictions on same-sex marriages...

More Health & Medicine articles...

More World News articles...

Expecting More from Sino-US Poofter Exchange...

http://english.cri.cn/12394/2014/10/02/2361s846352.htm

With the pending cultural exchange between US and Chinese bath houses coming soon, UN Ambassador for Poofter Relations Lefty sees great advantages in learning from each other...He explains, "The Chinese have worldwide experience in laundry operations, and we can expect to learn much from them about towel folding, but history tells us their cheap homos are clueless about tipping"...

Ambassador Lefty says the plan is to bring Chinese towel boys and laundry men to established US bath houses, such as the prestigious Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium, while sending veteran men's room attendants and lesbian hot tub assistants to their government-run steamrooms such as the Beijing People's Poofter Collective to advance educational understanding between the nations...The ambassador says the Chinese have chosen internationally known towel boy, Lef Ti, to lead their delegation, while the US poofters will send senior men's room attendant RHM, and lesbian nude oil-wrestling champion Mazola McLeglock to head the American homo contingent...

The ambassador added, "I'm sure our towel boys can learn plenty about locker room pilferage from Lef Ti, since he manages to live a flamboyant lifestyle on his 780 Yuan a month allowance, which amounts to enough to buy a stale Chinese chili burrito...And the Chinese can benefit from RHM's vast knowledge of adding that personal touch to the poofters' men's room needs to get that extra bit of loose change in their tip jars"...

The Ambassador also revealed that he will be accompanying Ms. McLeglock as she tries to teach the Chinese lesbians new techniques in making their skin glisten with oil in their nude yoga classes...Ambassador Lefty added, "I'll be there strictly as an observer, although I may manage to get a little hands-on experience for myself; anything to improve international relations"...

US Chief of Bath House Security, Big "Tiny" Balsac, is scheduled to lead a protection detail for the delegation if long-range monitoring of his court-ordered ankle monitor can be worked out between the two governments...Midget lesbian Deputy Dumpy Bunny, on assignment to the Hobby Airport Poofter Police, has volunteered to be handcuffed to Mr. Balsac for the duration of the visit to assure his behavior...

Shown below is one of the innovative tip jars expected to be shown by RHM to Chinese bath house employees eager to learn US techniques...

More World News articles...

Japan's trade minister resigns amid scandal, a blow to PM Abe...

http://www.washingtonpost.com/world/japans-trade-minister-resigns-amid-scandal-a-blow-to-pm-abe/2014/10/19/c13a94cf-c2c5-4f01-bffc-d9aeb0af46a0_story.html

Japan's lesbian Trade Minister, Sukyu Longdime, resigned today amid the flurry of anger caused by the blow given to the government's Poofter Minister (PM) "Abe"...[Editor's note: Japanese poofters are known only by their aliases in Japan, and many choose the names of US Presidents...]

Common practice in Asian diplomatic matters calls for a reciprocal blow to be arranged between the representatives by a trade minister before any serious discussions...Japan's newly appointed lesbo TM was not completely familiar with oriental poofter protocol, and scheduled a two-way blow between the high-ranking PM "Abe" and a low caste Chinese towel boy named Lef Ti...

"Abe" accepted his blow from Lef Ti, but then refused to live up to his end of the trade, calling for a cup of tea instead...The refusal to honor the trade agreement sent shock waves through Asian diplomatic channels all the way to the director of China's Ministry of Laundry, Hu Flung Dung, who holds Lef Ti in high regard...

As angry words quickly escalated to talks of war, "Abe" called on the Secretary of Japan's Navy (with it's high concentration of gays), Rear Admiral "Barack" who immediately backed up "Abe's" position with threats of a strongly worded protest...Military action was quickly averted, however, with the decision by "Abe" to throw TM Longdime under the bus as punishment for arranging the trade...

"Abe" said in a press release, "Dumb lesbo spend time changing oil under bus, maybe learn lesson"...It was learned later that although "Abe" initially thought Lef Ti was cute, he couldn't stomach his unusual odor resulting from his diet of Taco Bell green chili burritos...

As peaceful talks resumed, "Abe" sent a bouquet of Japanese fish tacos to the Chinese embassy as a token of appeasement...Pictured below are "Barack" and "Abe" as they exchange the traditional Japanese poofter greeting before attending to business matters...

More World News articles...

North Korea’s Kim Jong-un reportedly misses key celebration due to 'pulled tendon'...

Update: 

http://www.foxnews.com/world/2014/10/10/north-koreas-kim-jong-uns-absence-fuels-speculation-about-health-coup/

Reports gathered from Red China by this news analyst indicate that Chinese towel boy, Lef Ti, pulled not only Kim Jong-un's tendon, but a protuberance and its attached glands, plus used an extendable probe in a detailed cavity search in his efforts to avoid a nuclear showdown...In addition to relaxing the North Korean poofter leader's anxiety level, Lef Ti may also have succeeded in relaxing some strict importation rules concerning Taco Bell green chili burritos...

The NK government announced today that those individuals caught with the contraband will not face castration as before, but only hard labor in a North Korean laundry facility...In addition, the contraband is to be brought before Kim Jong-un himself for closer, personal inspection...

The series of small explosions detected by seismic recorders in US spy satellites were reported by a North Korean spokesman as relating to the relief of Kim Jong-un's jockey-area overpressure ailment followed by a gastric distress valve opening after the poofter leader's sampling of a spicy foreign cuisine...

Lef Ti is said to have reported to the Beijing People's Poofter Collective in his new job as Head Towel Boy, a position with no salary increase, but a higher percentage of tip jar proceeds...Waving goodbye to a satisfied client (seen below,) Lef Ti was heard to mutter, "Cheap homo leave IOU in tip jar again!"...

More World News articles...