A new outbreak of Disco Fever in the Hobby Airport Bath House District may have an unlikely aggressive enemy, reports famed physician, Dr. Tchytz of the Braniff Street Gender Reassignment Clinic & Bait Shop...If his findings are correct, the doctor may receive immediate government funding for his research as almost nobody in America wants a return to the disco era and a resurgence of popularity for Bee Gees music...
The renewed interest in '70's dance music has been traced by investigators from the CDC (Center for Disco Control) to an individual they have labelled as "Dancer Zero" located in the Hobby Airport Bath House District...The sequence of events began as "Dancer Zero" prepared to leave for his job as a towel boy at a popular unisex bath house...
His mom had all his clothes soaking in a tub of turpentine in an attempt to remove a stubborn odor, and he didn't want to risk being arrested again for hitchhiking in the nude...His brother, RHM, had already left to open his male lingerie boutique, and he thought his brother wouldn't mind if he borrowed some clothing to get to work...
Choosing a white bell-bottomed polyester pantsuit which his brother had not worn in decades, "Dancer Zero" then recalled his counterfeit bus pass had been confiscated by transit authorities, and walking to work would make him late again...Reasoning that his father Swifty, owner of Swifty's All Night Bail Bond, Repo & Payday Loan Service, wouldn't mind, he jumped the fence of the impound yard and hot-wired the 1976 AMC Pacer which had been forfeited by "Dancer Zero" for a defaulted loan...
Leaving the yard at a high rate of speed to avoid being late on the job, and to escape the vicious Rottweilers on his heels, he struck a pothole in the road, causing the 8-track tape player to jump from the rendition of "Grandma Got Runned Over By a Reindeer" where it had been stuck since the '80's to an interpretation of "Disco Duck"...By the time he reached the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium to report for his job, the song had been permanently embedded in his mind, and he spent the day whistling and doing his impression of the Chicago Hustle in his thong uniform to the delight of the poofter clients...
By nightfall gays were dancing in the streets with each other, as were lesbians and transgenders, to the music provided by the newly-opened Bundo Record Shop...An ugly incident was averted at the nearby Braniff Street Piano Roll Museum, when one reveler knocked on the door and asked the proprietor if he could play "Shake Your Groove Thing" on one of his player pianos...
The enraged, elderly proprietor, a veteran of both World Wars, screamed, "I don't have any disco crap, ya fruit peddler, now get off my porch, or I'll let you have both barrels of my Ballard 12 gauge!"...The proprietor's long-suffering daughter got him back inside telling him to go put his pants on, explaining to the visitor that the VA needed to adjust his medications again...
Meanwhile Dr. Tchytz was already hard at work to contain the deadly outbreak of Disco Fever when he remembered the sex-switching mosquito gene he had catalogued in his gender reassignment research...Theorizing that if he could introduce the gene into one of each pair of same-sex dance partners, the sudden switch of gender would cause them to lose interest in each other, and he could then isolate the Disco Fever bacteria...
Turning lose a swarm of the rare mosquitoes on the dancers, they began to quickly switch from one sex to another until Dr. Tchytz could isolate and contain all the bacteria, before the short-lived mosquitoes dissipated, and normal poofter life resumed...At the same time, CDC officials confiscated all copies of the deadly Bee Gees music from the Bundo Record Shop along with its owner, and quarantined all in a special holding cell in Guantanamo Bay Naval Detention Center until a final cure could be found...
Houston's lesbian Mayor Annise Parker, in an attempt to avoid another costly lawsuit from the elderly, eccentric piano-roll museum operator, sent him her personal signed copy of a rare boxed piano roll (pictured below)...
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