Like all politicians, lame-duck lesbian Mayor Annise Parker of Houston worries over the legacy she leaves behind and her perceived place in history...By far, the most festering blight on her record is the embarrassment known as the Hobby Airport Bath House District (BHD), which she once called the shining jewel on her crown, but is now just an article of shame...
Having given up fixing the problem area through the efforts of the BHD Betterment Bureau and its chairman, Dewey Cheatham, the mayor has turned to the solution of hiding it as best as possible...Partial success was achieved with the shrubbery sculpture makeover along Braniff Street which now obscures an unsightly mansion occupied by an elderly, eccentric recluse and his long-suffering daughter...
Since the recluse is a veteran of both world wars and the Vietnam conflict, in addition to having served as a bugle boy for Colonel Roosevelt in Cuba, the mayor was reluctant to condemn the home...Speaking through her spokesman and towel boy, Lefty, "We were afraid the smelly old dude would show up at the mayor's residence and barricade himself in one of the new cabanas built at taxpayer expense before the mayor leaves office"...
A search for the right remedy may have ended with the signing of a new city contract with world-renowned gardening consultant, 2ndthyme, already well known to the mayor as an object of lust to millions of disappointed lesbians, who nevertheless remains devoted to her husband...Given an unlimited taxpayer-funded budget for the project, 2ndthyme went directly to Home Depot with a shopping list and a city VISA card...
After planting the numerous shrubs and bushes in places designed to conceal not only the recluse's unsightly home, but the many bath houses, topless bars, liquor stores, massage parlors and STD clinics in the district, she went to work giving the greenbelt her signature touch...She carefully sculpted each shrub into a work of art...
Once known as an anti-gun militant, she became a Second Amendment supporter after a series of discussions with a now-retired gun store owner and forum administrator, and performs her hedge sculptures using her fully-automatic M-16 or M-60 machine gun and for light pruning turns to her select-fire Uzi...She says after learning the advantage of reloading her own ammo, the cost is actually less than her old gas-powered chain saws and weed whackers...
Shown below is the design personally selected by the mayor for a home across the street from the recluse, who now gets to see this lawn ornament every morning when he gets his paper...
No comments:
Post a Comment
Comments are welcome...Malicious messages and spam attempts will be removed...Keep it clean and let's have fun...