Hobby Airport Bath House District officials have announced a request for bids and accompanying bribes from contractors for a makeover of its main thoroughfare, Braniff Street, on which are located several poofter bath houses, liquor stores, topless bars and STD clinics...A rapidly increasing amount of traffic following new BHD rules changes has necessitated the upgrades, says BHD official, Dewey Cheatham...
Services requested will include, but not be limited to, easier access to concealed parking for bath house clients, the addition of a drive-through lane for curbside betting and debt collection as well as improvements to personal property owned by BHD officials...Heavy equipment storage for the long-term project will be provided by the district by confiscating the front yard area of a local piano-roll museum owned by an elderly, eccentric city council advisor...
The parking of heavy equipment is expected to reduce complaints from neighboring businesses of the unsightly outdoor projects begun and abandoned by the elderly recluse who sometimes forgets his pants when he comes outside to chase away homeless people...In addition, bids are requested from landscaping contractors to plant artistically shaped shrubbery and other plants to further hide the drab, crumbling mansion from the viewing public after the street improvement is completed...
Shown below is an example of the proposed greenery being examined by the mansion's owner...
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