As the Mormon Church makes a long awaited admission about the family life of its founder, one of its former members, who left the church to form his own sect in the Moab Desert has called the deceased leader a "rank amateur"...Now known as Father X, the enigmatic hooded figure spoke from his new 25-room pastor's quarters located between his Coors distributorship and his antique motorcycle museum where he resides with his main wife, Sister Ninja, and a rotating roster of at least 12 of his lesser wives...
"I don't know exactly how many wives I currently have," he stated for the record, "You might be able to get this week's tally from my accountant"...He went on to say that although he has never been divorced, he personally knows of some gentiles who may have had as many wives, although all one at a time...
As examples he mentioned an elderly, eccentric former airline owner and currently piano-roll museum operator in the Hobby Airport area who had many wives in countries around the world, as well as a reclusive former gun dealer and forum administrator who reached the maximum number of marriages and divorces allowed in Texas, and was forced to retreat to a county which is in the process of seceding from the state...
Until his sudden exit from the Utah government in disgrace, Father X was a devout member of the Mormon Church, and a minor, although corrupt, employee in the governor's office...As his participation in a counterfeit Coors ration card scheme became known, he resigned and claims to have wandered in the desert until he saw a vision of St. Britney beckoning him to an oasis...
Upon obtaining a franchise and ordination as a priest from Bishop Lefty of the Temple of Our Lady of Diminished Virginity, he began building his compound at the oasis where he holds worship services to St. Britney in a darkened video arcade, and anoints himself several times a day with a golden grain nectar imported from Colorado...He accepts new devotees regularly, and encourages them to tithe up to 90% of their earthly riches in exchange for the promise of the chance to worship at St. Britney's altar...
Answering questions concerning the sect's beliefs, Father X stated that although Bishop Lefty's bylaws do not restrict his marriages to one sex or even one species, he made the decision to only enrich the lives of younger, beautiful human females by allowing them to enter holy wedlock with him...Pictured below is the wedding cake used in Father X's latest wedding last Tuesday morning...
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