Leaving Alaska just ahead of the frigid weather, Professor Lefty of the Institute for Advanced Lesbian Studies can now tell us of his latest findings concerning poofter and lesbian dating rituals among early Eskimo cultures...If the Eskimos had been smart enough to leave before they froze to death, they might have been able to tell us themselves...
What the professor and his research team uncovered in the northern wastelands appears to have been the earliest known nudist settlement segregated for gay and lesbian activities...Although the settlement was inhabited by both male and female gays, it was ruled by a fierce red-haired midget lesbian named Nanookie of the North...
Professor Lefty prefaced his remarks with this statement, "This had to be the dumbest bunch of homos in history...They not only started a nudist camp in the middle of an ice age, but they didn't even know they could get warmer by rubbing something other than their noses together"...
The professor went on to describe how they uncovered the remains of the poofter population still frozen in their unheated hot tubs, and yet the bodies of Nanookie and her slave towel boy, Yellocok (who is always pictured on her left in illustrations) were never found...Some legends tell of a similar couple who appeared in the warmer southern lands shortly after the ice age claimed the settlement with no other survivors...
Professor Lefty's research indicates that Nanookie became an undersheriff in a wild, unsettled area where she was overcharged for her swords, shields and battleaxes by a traveling weapons peddler...From that moment she vowed in her shrill, annoying voice that she and her descendants would take vengeance on all weapons dealers by marrying, betraying and abandoning them wherever they found them...
Yellocok, for unknown reasons, kept making left turns in his journey toward warmer lands, and eventually stopped wandering in what became the southeast Texas area where his descendants are said to still practice the family trade of folding towels for poofters...The descendants of both survivors have been known to cross paths from time to time, most notably in the Hobby Airport Bath House District of Houston...
Seen in the video below is what is believed to be a direct descendant of Nanookie carrying on the family law enforcement tradition by conducting a roadside interrogation of a suspect thought to be a distant relative of Yellocok...
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