In an indication of the rapid growth predicted by its high priest, Father X, the worshipers of St. Britney, a crackpot offshoot of the Temple of Our Lady of Diminished Virginity (referred to as Britniacs by some), are expected to outnumber practicing Druids in the coming decades...Father X, founder of the sect and a former corrupt Utah state official, says he foresaw great things in a vision when he felt compelled to stop at an oasis in the Moab Desert near an abandoned pink Volvo...
His vision has now taken the form of an armored compound where the faithful may worship at the altar of St. Britney in a darkened video arcade after depositing their offerings by cash, check, electronic transfer or cases of Coors...After services, the congregation may browse through the duty-free Harley-Davidson or Sig Sauer dealerships, and arrange home delivery from the Coors Distributorship before departing, all within the walled compound...
Druid priestess Slinky, sister of Bishop Lefty from whom Father X obtained ordination after his check cleared the bank, admits seeing a drop in attendance of her own rituals of lesbian nudism...She states that some have even abandoned their faith to become the wives of Father X, and to serve his needs as his congregation grows...
An interview was attempted with Ninja Wife, leader and trainer of the so-called Lesser Wives, but like the others she hands out a card reading, "We only live to serve the will of Father X....He speaks for us"...A brochure in Father X's gift shop advertises classes in obedience training for the wives of male converts to the sect's beliefs, payable in one lump sum or extended terms with approved credit (travel expenses not included)...
Considerable interest is generated when the cloaked figure of Father X moves about the casinos of Las Vegas on one of his many pilgrimages, always followed at a respectful two paces behind by a group of his wives...Shown below, Father X speaks to a crowd of interested hopefuls as his wives wait dutifully behind him...
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