The New York Poofter General's first trip south went decidedly south in record time as the powerful politician claims he was the victim of "deceptive advertising"...After disembarking at the executive terminal of Houston's Hobby Airport, PG Gaylord Sagmore was met by a contingent of Bath House District representatives who were present under the BHD's new regulations...
In his later deposition, the PG admitted, "I should have suspected something was happening after I shook hands with all the greeters, and then noticed my Rolex and my shoes were missing"...But not wanting to miss any of his appointments, he walked barefooted through the TSA pat-down area, which he later conceded was thoroughly enjoyable even on the third pass through...
Being told his limo driver was unavoidably detained at a local Jiffy Lube, the PG opted to take the waiting Gayhound Bus Lines ride into the Bath House District to keep to his schedule...He later was quoted as saying, "I should have remembered my momma's warning never to trust a naked bus driver," but he eventually arrived at his first appointment at the tanning salon behind the neighborhood's Spec's Liquor Store...
Interviewed by waiting reporters, he could not immediately explain why his tailored Armani suit had somehow been replaced by an ill-fitting Atlanta Hawks hoodie and an undersized pair of gym shorts during the bus ride...Dodging the questions, he entered the dimly lit tanning salon where he was assured by the smiling oriental hostess that he would be a "new man" after he left...
Exiting the salon an hour later, and having the appearance of a bright red Pillsbury doughboy with his inexplicable puffy skin, he entered a nearby topless bar to find a pay phone to call for a ride...He was heard to say in his New York accent, "I'll bet my day couldn't get any worse," following which, a large hairy man wearing a wedding dress got off the third barstool, and said in a thick East European accent, "I'll take that bet"...
Returning from the men's room to which he was dragged by the hair behind the large man, he asked his aide to pay for his lost wager to the East European who identified himself as Yugo Leftanescu, saying he had somehow misplaced his wallet...He eventually hitched a ride to the airport with a passing bicycle rider, although he was forced to share the banana seat by sitting in front of the obviously amorous towel boy...
Boarding the first flight he could find back to New York, the PG vowed to "sue the panties off" Houston's lesbian mayor for his ill treatment, but later retracted his threat when told he would have to return to the city in order to testify...Mayor Parker issued an apology to the PG, and offered to comp his parking on his next visit, saying she didn't wear panties anyway, and wasn't worried about having them sued off, but offered to send the New York politician one of her outgrown dresses instead...
Pictured below is the Poofter General enjoying a complimentary drink while leaving the tanning salon...
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