EPA hazmat crews have been dispatched to the scene of a ruptured gas line near the Hobby Airport Bath House & Poofter Emporium where an experimental energy source is being tested...Authorities report that the permits for the gas line to draw the huge amounts of methane gas away from the bath house and the neighboring piano roll museum will be reviewed for any safety violations...
Hobby Airport Bath House District spokesman Dewey Cheatham had this to say, "The amount of gases produced in the men's room and lesbian powder room of the bath house have enormous potential as an alternative energy source"...Cheatham went on to explain that the recent addition of Hillary Clinton's campaign headquarters in the lesbian powder room caused a mandatory expansion of the exhaust ventilation system...
The increase in political gas was thought to add to the volatility of the flammable gasses, especially when combined with the copious amounts of incendiary emissions siphoned from the next-door Braniff Street mansion occupied by an elderly, eccentric retiree and his long-suffering daughter...Local towel boy Lefty explained, "I suppose the smelly old dude can't help it with all the bean burritos he packs away, but I don't see how his babe of a daughter puts up with it"...
The gas is being used to power generators at the nearby Harris County Prisoner Farm as an experiment in alternative energy sources...However the mixture may have to be adjusted for volatility to prevent early burnout of the equipment...
Local handyman Gristmill Mikey was asked to examine the damage to the pipeline because his own leather-like skin is almost impervious to damage in case of an explosion...After his inspection and the sounding of the all-clear signal, construction was resumed although several workers are being treated for fart inhalation...
Seen below, an area resident reacts to the odor from the ruptured pipeline...
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