A new study published by the Committee for Obesity Obsessed Related Studies (COORS), chaired by first lady Michelle Obama, has drawn fire from religious leaders of the Temple of Our Lady of Diminished Virginity...Father X, leader of a Moab Desert based offshoot of the crackpot sect, claims the report is another attack from the White House directed at his flock's First Amendment rights to practice religion in their own way...
Citing the by-laws exception handed down by the church's high priest, Bishop Lefty, allowing the substitution of Coors in place of the traditional Hamm's in the daily ritual blessings, Father X says he also has the cancelled checks written to Bishop Lefty for his cut of the tithes proving compliance...He claims the report is just another swipe at organized religion...
Mrs. Obama's report offers as evidence the fact that Father X's only public appearances show him dressed in a cloaked robe to hide his ever-growing portly figure...His wives are always shown following at a respectful two paces behind, and are always dressed in Coors-branded hoodies which the first lady points out are only available in sizes marked "obese," "enormous" and "circus tent"...
Father X challenged the findings by presenting the photograph shown below of his latest wives taken just before they removed their wedding dresses to join him in the ritual pool of Coors Light to consummate his most recent marriage...
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