An Israeli court today convicted the former premier on charges of accepting bribes from the leader of a radical offshoot of the Rashidic Temple who wanted approval to build a kosher, non-denominational bath house behind the new Tel Aviv Taco Bell deli...The temple's spokesman, Rabbi Levty, explained that it is non-denominational because they accept all denominations of currency plus major credit cards...
The former premier, who is also known to have non-denominational beliefs, denied the charges, yet could never satisfactorily explain the two lesbian masseuses he kept on government payrolls or the non-kosher Hamm's beer found in his kitchen pantry...Appeals to higher courts have failed as most say they have reached their monthly quota of bribes...
Meanwhile Rabbi Levty continues to conduct services at a corner table of the Taco Bell deli, where for a nominal offering he will bless the union of poofters and lesbians alike, with a discount for lesbians who wish to honeymoon in his video camera equipped hot tub kibbutz...
Some sources claim Rabbi Levty also has ties to the Hobby Airport based Temple of Our Lady of Diminished Virginity, but he merely reaffirmed his tolerance for all faiths...When asked why he was so circumspect in answering pointed questions about his alliance with the former premier, Rabbi Levty said, "Hey, when in Tel Aviv, do as the Televisioners do"...
Shown below as expected, President Obama is carefully considering his options before issuing a statement...
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