Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Colliding Black Holes and the Dawn of Gravitational Astronomy...

http://news.discovery.com/space/astronomy/colliding-black-holes-and-the-dawn-of-gravitational-astronomy-150330.htm

As reported here previously, Dr. Lefty of the Lesbian Propulsion Laboratory, in his observation of Mazola McLeglock's nude lesbian yoga classes through his powerful Tasco telescope, has found that the more massive a lesbian is, the more food she is likely to draw toward her center of gravity...This ever increasing mass in the overweight muffdivers, has resulted in their colliding with each other as they rush toward the all-you-can-eat buffet tables...

Most of  the mouths of the lesbians are toothless to allow the quicker intake of more chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes, therefore Dr. Lefty has designated them as "black holes" since nothing seems to escape their consumption...Barriers erected at the entrance of the Golden Corral has done nothing to impede the approach of the oversized rugmunchers as time draws near for the daily lunch hour specials...

Dr. Lefty has concentrated his studies on the largest one designated as "Dawn" since she blocks most of the sunlight when outdoors, giving the appearance of sunrise at all times...Dawn is always nude during her yoga classes, but is required by Golden Corral officials to wear a poncho made by cutting holes for her head and arms through a blue Lowes roof tarp...

Noting that other Golden Corral diners maintained a distance for fear they might get sucked into her gravitational pull, management designated a group of buffet tables strictly for her around which she orbits until lunch hour ends...Her patronage is subsidized at taxpayer expense by the Michelle Obama Obesity Task Force...

Pictured below, Dawn enjoys a light snack to keep her strength up while awaiting the opening bell at the buffet tables...We apologize for the poor quality of the picture as a wider lens could not be obtained at press time...


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