The normally publicity-shy leader of a crackpot splinter religion, who at this time of year is normally preparing his flock for the annual St. Britney's Day parade, has spoken out against the brewing giant's financial decision in marketing its new product in his diocese...Father X, spiritual guide for worshipers of St. Britney, the icon of his offshoot of the Temple of Our Lady of Diminished Virginity, says that his followers are tolerant of all beliefs, and he believes in accepting glutens and any other foreign currency as well as VISA and MasterCard in his offering plate...
He flatly states if Coors distributors fail to accept glutens in payment for their product, his parishioners will be able to convert their currency into scrip at his private bank at the normal exchange rate (less a nominal service charge)...Worshipers will then be able to use the scrip to purchase Coors from Father X's own liquor store inside his sect's compound...
Father X also wishes to remind the devout that Bishop Lefty and his nudist lesbian nuns will lead the annual St. Britney's Day parade terminating at his tabernacle where all worshipers will be anointed with 12 ounce cans of holy nectar after depositing their offerings...The holy man will also accept love offerings of cases of Coors to be used in his daily rituals in which he cleanses his soul as well as his liver...
Shown below is Father X's private altar in his vicarage after a weekend sabbatical of meditation...
It's an honor to serve her Highness Brit Brit and the Fountain of Life that is COORS. Thank you for the tribute, my friend. - Father X, UTAH
ReplyDeleteJust don't accept any wooden glutens, Your Imminence...
ReplyDelete