The 1976 AMC Pacer used by last year's Indy 500 poofter tournament winner to escape law enforcement officials on several charges of evading bar tabs will lead this year's Hobby Airport Poofter Parade & Outhouse Run...The vintage auto is furnished through the courtesy of Swifty's Bail Bonds, Repo & Payday Loan Service, which confiscated the car after a defaulted fifty dollar loan...
Regular readers will remember that local towel boy Lefty won the Indy 500, in which 500 prominent poofters compete for prizes and glory, by sucking a standard Titleist golf ball through a 50 foot garden hose...Lefty was later disqualified on a technicality when it was discovered he had hidden a Kobalt shop vacuum in his oversized cargo pants...
The shop vac and a portable generator had been rented from a nearby Lowes outdoor center, and was discovered by a sharpeyed poofter field judge who noticed the orange extension cord leading from Lefty's tennis shoe to the generator being hidden by Lefty's lesbian girlfriend behind a Hamm's beer cooler...Lefty then hurriedly left Indianapolis in the Pacer leaving his girlfriend to pick up his outstanding bar tabs and rental bills...
The circuitous route he was forced to take in avoidance of states with known outstanding warrants against him eventually brought him home to the Hobby Airport area, where he borrowed $50.00 from his father Swifty, and left the Pacer as collateral...While still trying to collect the long overdue debt, Swifty has generously donated the use of the car in the annual poofter parade with the provision that Lefty not be allowed within 20 feet of it...
Pictured below is the automobile after being cleaned up and polished for parade duty...
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